My BM who doesn't drink is throwing my bachelorette party

When you throw a party for an individual the polite way to do it is to take in account of what the "guest of honor likes/dislikes" would you throw a party and only serve shell fish if the person your throwing the party for is allergic. Same applies here, if your throwing someone a party who enjoys having a glass of wine or 2 or even 3 I find it rude to say " I absolutely will not allow alcohol" knowing that the person the partys centered around enjoys it. So I guess if were going to throw rude behavior/etiquette into the mix, her BM is quite rude as well

ETA- scratch the shellfish (this wasn't ment to be a literal tit for tat analogy) lets go with the guest of honor hates pasta salad and the only side you decide to have is pasta salad because you refuse to eat potatoes! (Does that work?!?)

@Jacks I think it's rude to bring alcohol if you know the host of the party has an objection to it. That's why I would ask.

@MsG that's a ridiculous analogy. Providing a dish that could kill the guest of honor is not the same as not providing alcohol. No one ever died from lack of alcohol. This would be on par with a vegan hosting a party for her meat-eating friend and providing a vegan menu.

@Jo, that's basically what I said, my "I don't drink" opening statement was to say that EVEN as someone who doesn't drink, I think proper bachelorette hosting requires alcohol. There were copious amounts at mine!

If you are going to take me to a lake house you bet your ass there better be wine.

@jacks I think its rude when people show up with out it! Ha! But thats me.

Okay cool I must have read to quickly!

MsG. Exactly!

@elizabeth it wasn't a literal analogy (but thanks for pointing that out) the BIG picture here is, she can make up her own mind if she wants to drink or not and if she want to drink wine, bring the damn wine

Ridiculous analogies are absolutely pointless, but okay.

Elizabeth, as Sarahmouche said, I wouldn't assume that if someone doesn't drink that they also apply their rules to me. If someone is going to apply their own choices to me, it's rude of them. If the activity is legal and I'm an adult, I get to choose. Unless we're in the hosts own home or they have paid for the accommodation and they object to alcohol in their own home.

I would not assume that because someone doesn't drink that they object to alcohol on behalf of everyone else though.

I think this is less like allergies and more like women's rights- abortions for example or fuxk birth control for a less serious subject.

Don't want one? Don't get one. But don't tell the rest of us we can or cannot have one.

Sorry for the serious analogy but that's kind of what it makes me think of.

For the record, I'm not someone with an alcohol problem, I rarely drink these days. I'm on a health kick and haven't had a glass of wine since Christmas, by choice.

EXACTLY JoRocka. I was thinking the same thing. I think that's why I get stabby on this.

If the op came here and said "I don't drink so I'm not having alcohol at my wedding" we would all be jumping all over her about properly hosting the guests that do drink. How is this situation any different? It's just reversed. The bm is hosting an event, the bm doesn't drink but the guests do. Why does she get to dictate no booze?

"Unless we're in the hosts own home or they have paid for the accommodation and they object to alcohol in their own home."

This is exactly what I'm saying though. IF she paid for the accommodation (lake house), that's where my opinion comes in about it being rude to just show up with alcohol if you know she doesn't want it there. That's why I said she should ask because you're right, she may not have a problem with someone else providing it.

@jorocka thankyou! Your comparison was wayyyyy better then mine! Things like this get frustrating when your trying to explain something that seems simple to you but someone else doesn't get where your coming from, you nailed it!!

@jacks- its the same here, I had 2 glasses of wine last night and was completely buzzed, before last night I haven't had a glass of wine since Christmas dinner and even then it was 1 glass during dinner but when I want one, I dont think anyone should tell me I cant have one

@Ashley R because a bach party isn't a wedding and the OP is totally free to decline the offer. It's like being invited to someone's home when you know they're vegan. Would you expect meat even if you're a meat eater?

Also, @Jorocka I don't think it's similar to abortion at all because it's not like you're going into the home of a pro-life person home to have the abortion. If all these ladies were simply going to the movies that night, go for it and bring alcohol. But they're not. They're going to a lake house and my interpretation of the post is that this BM is paying for the lake house, which to me, means this is her "home" for the night they're there. If they want to drink, then just don't go. It's really rather simple.

If she's throwing this for you, let her throw it for you. Have another night out with the girls who do drink with less fuss and more alcohol.

I'm not saying she's right, but you gotta give her points for trying.

I just wouldn't go, honestly. I"m not spending a weekend with someone that thinks they have the right to tell me what to do. I also think it wouldn't be rude to bring alcohol to a lakehouse.

I think declining the offer would solve this whole thing. The OP can plan a girls night with her friends like @SWBoho said.

That's what I suggested initially. BM is being rude by imposing her choices on others.