My boyfriend proposed in the car with no ring

I wouldn’t feel comfortable marrying someone who told me I couldn’t tell my parents that I was engaged. That to me is a huge red flag.

My Fiance Asked While We Were In Bed With No Ring Or Anything And He Had To Convince Me He Was Serious. But Thats Just Him And His Personality So I Didn't Mind. But I Would Definitely Question Why He Wouldn't Want Anyone Knowing. It Should Be A Happy Moment That Is Shared With Your Friends And Family. You Should Tell Him How You Feel And If He Still Doesn't Take That Into Consideration, That Is Another Issue On Its Own. Im Sorry. Goodluck

I definitely wouldn't marry someone that would make me keep it a secret. This would be a major red flag to me. Your marriage should be something you can celebrate with your loved ones rather than something that is hidden.

I would never get married without our families knowing or being there. Our families were actually there for the proposal and that was amazing. I hope you get the proposal you always wanted.

I would never marry anyone who wanted to keep our marriage a secret! I also wouldn’t even take that proposal seriously. I would wait for a proper proposal and I would then tell your family. If he won’t agree to those things, I would reconsider your relationship with him.

For me, this is a red flag. If someone wanted to marry me then they better be ready to accept the fact that I will be their wife. An engagement doesn't have to be a big to-do with a grand after party. As a couple, you can minimize the activity around your engagement. For example, we never posted anything to social media. Our engagement news was passed through word of mouth. However, if my significant other role me that I wasn't allowed to tell anyone?! No no no. He isn't ready for marriage if he feels that hiding you is appropriate.

My fiancé also proposed like that once upon a time.. “let’s go get married” that was it. I of course said “uhm what... are you proposing because I don’t see a proposal”.. long story short we got into an argument over it and my answer was “once you’re serious and propose for real then I’ll say yes”.. well 3 years went by and nothing so that caused so many problems that I ended up moving out. One year I tried to move on and we were on and off. Then I put my foot down when he kept saying I needed to move back in.. so another year went by and he got the message that I was not moving or getting back together unless we were engaged.. well he finally proposed! Got a ring, and after a concert just got down in one kneee in the kitchen and asked me to marry him. Then we talked about it and he said he didn’t see why I needed to be married to stay w him. 3 years have past ever since that and we started to plan our wedding since. anyways the moral of the story is stick to your guts because if he really loves you and he’s the one then he will do whats right..

Ok does he not want to discuss it until it’s actually time to make plans or does he want to keep it a secret like eloping just the two of you?

I’m not sure I understand, your profile says that you got married yesterday. Sry I’m just confused. as to what your asking.

Honestly, I would talk about it more openly and be fair to hear his opinions and feelings about it.

My fiancé proposed in the case sort of impromptu on the way home on our daily trip from the train station and I loved it. No ring, just a simple, 'Would you like to do this?' as we had been openly talking about it for weeks. We picked out a ring together and when the ring came he got down on one knee and proposed. I couldn't feel happier as I am just grateful that after years of waiting I know I am going to marry my best friend. For me personally, I don't want this over-the-top, and wouldn't want expectations to prompt disappointment and make the situation any less happy than it already is.

*Proposed in the car* Spellcheck lol

I think it's ok that he proposed without a ring. i kind of think the proposals that are more natural are cute too. but i think the problem is moreso not telling anyone about it. it's such a joyous affair, why not tell the people close to you to celebrate with you?

Plenty of people propose without a ring and get the ring later. The fact that he wants you to keep it a secret is the huge red flag.

Everyone has different opinions about how they approach the act of getting married, which is fine. But the marriage part is where you should be in agreement. Would be be open to counseling or a moderated conversation to help get to the root of why he feels this way and what you'd both be willing to compromise on.

...you should re-evaluate your relationship with this person. This is a giant, vibrantly red flag.

If it hurt you (it definitely would hurt my feelings) then let him know. As always, communication is key. If you want a more thought out proposal, and want him to wait until he can get a ring, make sure he is aware of this. A proposal shouldn't make you sad, or feel lackluster. If he thinks making a big deal out of marriage is dumb, that kind of explains why his proposal was "dumb." If your family knowing/being there is important, he should value your feelings and wants/needs, whether he understands it or not.

Aw i'm so sorry I would encourage you to communicate your thoughts to your partner before anything else goes forward. If you are excited and want to go the traditional route of a ring, engagement party, and such then you should let him know. If you don't communicate that now, then you will regret not experiencing the moments that you really want. Plus, I guarantee your parents would LOVE to know such exciting news, and if you felt the need to share with them then it shouldn't be kept a secret. Hope everything works out!

I talked to him yesterday, and well what he meant be not telling anyone was not telling any body but family, he wants only our loved ones to know, no friends or anybody else. I’m happy that we were able to talk and understand each other, thanks for everyone who gave me advice and took some time to right me a message. ☺️❤️

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Okay... but why not friends? What's the purpose behind that? You're not overreacting or making too big a deal about things if you're... literally telling your friends a major life event...?

Why would he want to keep a marriage a secret from anyone at all? Is telling family (but not friends) his idea of compromise? Are you supposed to refer to each other as girlfriend and boyfriend, rather than husband and wife? Are you supposed to tell your family to keep your secret? This is a huge red flag. Is he wanting to get on your health insurance by any chance? Is he embarassed of you? Does he have someone on the side?


A proposal should really just be a formality. Two grown ups should be able to discuss timelines for engagement, marriage, how life will look like as a married couple, how you'll divvy finances, etc without a huge, orchestrated surprise proposal.
I understand why you'd be upset that he put no effort into the proposal. But if he is serious about keeping the marriage a secret, then he didn't really propose to you. He wants to hide your commitment, which is shady. I wouldn't stay in a relationship where my SO wanted to keep our legal status a secret. Does he know that this information is public record?