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Beginner July 2022

My bridesmaid refuses to let someone else do her make up.

on February 9, 2020 at 4:09 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 3 233

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Ok so my wedding is coming up. Destination wedding! One of my friends in my wedding happens to be a make up artist. I asked her to do our make up because it’ll save me the expense of having to fly someone out. She said she would not do the make up for the wedding and exclaimed that she didn’t even do her sisters make up or her bridesmaids for their wedding simply because she was in the wedding and it’s too much work. So I decided to hire someone and have already booked them. This make up artist is a huge difference and I am happy with my choice. She is a professional make up artist.. whereas my friend just picked it up as a hobby and started doing make up on her friends and then decided to work at one of her friends salons doing make up. The make up artist I hired is well known throughout RI for her work and has worked for MAC cosmetics for years. Her precision in her work is amazing and I told every bridesmaid the situation and she was the only one with a problem. She states that no one is touching her face and she told me she’s not paying to have another make up artist do what she can do. So I asked if it was about money because I will gladly just cover the cost if it’s bothersome to her. She stated it’s not and got offended by the question. She then let me know that regardless of who the make up artist was, no one is touching her face. I think her deal is that she refuses to accept that someone else could do her make up because to her it’s like accepting that someone else can do a better job than her own job on her face. She told me I have to suck it up and “that’s that” and I told her to please reconsider as I will not put the other girls in that situation. Letting her get off with that will mean the other girls can also pick and choose. I did not hire someone so it can be this huge battle. I told her she means a lot to me and I would like her to respect my wishes and the attitude continued until I ended up telling her if she can’t respect my wishes then she can’t be a part of my wedding. I want everyone w the same make up and there’s a HUGE difference in the work. This is only The first situation and I already know she is going to come up with problems for everything else .. what would u do?

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Master September 2019
Sarah · on February 9, 2020 at 5:42 AM
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Honestly, if it were me, I would have let it go. You can’t force someone to get their makeup done if they aren’t comfortable and if that’s worth kicking someone out of your wedding for, you obviously don’t care much about your friendship with this bridesmaid.
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VIP May 2015
KiwiDerbyBride · on February 9, 2020 at 5:43 AM
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I’d build a bridge and get over it, and let her do her own makeup. This is bridezilla territory - and it sounds like you’re expecting your girls to pay for their makeup? It’s generally accepted that if you’re mandating professional makeup, you pay. If you give them a choice of getting pro makeup or doing it themselves, it’s fine to ask them to pay.
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on February 9, 2020 at 6:58 AM
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Honestly I wouldn't risk a friendship over make up. Truthfully most people will be focused on you two not the wedding party. I don't understand why she can't do her own make up as long as it looks the same as the other ladies. Like the pp said be careful because that is going into bridezilla territory and you don't want your ladies to have a bad experience being in your wedding party bc they'll remember that and talk about it. I can see how on one hand it's silly but maybe make up for her is a sense of pride. I used to bake and decorate cakes as a side hustle and then one of my friends tried to offer to do my wedding cake for me in a way. I kind of took it as why would I hire you for something that I can do. So, I think sometimes as women it's hard to let other people. Do what you can do because maybe for her is a bit of a slap in the face. I can see both sides in that she should just get over it and just get her makeup done. However. at the same time I think going to the extreme of her not getting her makeup done by this lady will then be no longer in the wedding party. At this point I'd go sit down and talk to her and try to salvage the Friendship because I know if my friend came at me like that if I were in her wedding party. Then I would drop out of the wedding and I would drop the friendship. I think you need to decide which is more important your friendship or makeup for one day. Her not getting makeup done by that lady is not going to ruin your day. Even if that's not what you envisioned is not going to ruin your day, and honestly, no one is going to notice. I think the happy medium would be to let her do her own makeup if she still going to be in your party at this point, but then tell her that this is a color scheme you want her to stick to. And then if the other lady's follow suit because they don't want to spend the money will then that's their right. Yes, the bridal party may have to stick to a certain look for your day, but they don't have to spend. Money outside their budget to do it.
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Devoted October 2020
Kaitlyn · on February 9, 2020 at 7:39 AM
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You can’t really force someone to get their make up done. You can only offer it, most of the girls would probably be really happy to have their makeup done and covered if that’s what you’re offering.
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Master November 2022
Chrysta · on February 9, 2020 at 7:45 AM
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I would let it go & let her do her own makeup. To me, this is a non-issue. My wedding party is made up of my closest friends & I’m asking them to share the spotlight with me during this special time. If I’m requesting them to stand in front of people, I want them to feel comfortable & confident. If doing her own makeup makes her feel more confident, then why not let her do it? She’s even a makeup artist by trade! By insisting another person do it, you may easily insult her. If you care about your friend & your friendship, you’re going to need to loosen the reins a bit.
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Devoted August 2020
Mrs. Lewis · on February 9, 2020 at 7:57 AM
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Honestly I feel like you should let her do her own make up since as you mentioned she is a MUA and must be pretty good if you originally asked if she could do your bridal parties make up. Although it may look different than everyone else’s I wouldn’t worry about that, the focus will not be on how one BM make up differs from the other. Luckily my girls are excited to get pampered and all agreed to get professional make up done and paying for it their self. I asked them a budget and found one girl to do all of our make up that day.
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Devoted August 2020
Mrs. Lewis · on February 9, 2020 at 7:59 AM
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Oh and I just saw we are date twins!! 5/30🎉
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VIP September 2020
Kelsey · on February 9, 2020 at 8:23 AM
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I would let her do her own makeup. It isnt that big of a deal and I agree PP.
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Just Said Yes June 2021
Krystal · on February 9, 2020 at 8:38 AM
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Fortunately for you, your bridesmaid decided to show her true colors in the beginning of the planning. Kindly let her know that if she can not respect your wishes she can be a guest or not but, you will have your way on your day. And no you not being a Bridezilla! You are entitled to have things exactly as you want on your special day and don’t you forget that💋
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Just Said Yes August 2020
Gwendolyn · on February 9, 2020 at 8:43 AM
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It’s your wedding and I feel like people forget that. If you want it done a certain way and she can’t follow the way you want your wedding friends or not she don’t have to be apart of your wedding. All this it’s not a big deal yes it is because it’s her day and her friend stated it’s gone be to much for me to do make up and I’m in the wedding, so problem solve she hired one so nobody has to worried about that part. It’s your wedding sweetie do what you want to make your special day feel how you want.
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Expert October 2020
Onya · on February 9, 2020 at 9:13 AM
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Lol I’m not letting anyone but me do my makeup or hair on my wedding day besides me so I️ kinda get it. I️f it’s a big deal for you tell her she can’t be apart of the wedding. But I don’t think makeup is worth losing a friend. 🤷🏽‍♀️
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Master May 2019
Cyndy · on February 9, 2020 at 9:37 AM
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I think you should let it go. She obviously does a good job or you wouldn’t have considered her in the beginning so let her do here own. It’s not worth the fight.
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Dedicated January 2021
Amanda · on February 9, 2020 at 9:40 AM
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Honestly, if I were in this situation I would let her do her own. In her perspective I can understand why she doesn’t want any else doing her makeup, it’s what does does and that is what she is comfortable with. Maybe see if she can do something similar. The focus won’t be on the bridesmaids at your wedding either, don’t let it stress you out.
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Dedicated July 2021
Teresa · on February 9, 2020 at 10:09 AM
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With all due respect, my bff-in-law and I had my makeup and hair done in July by a couple of artist well known because of Lipstick Nick Pout Salon and they were amazing. I've already talked to the girls and the manager. I'm hiring them for my wedding. I asked ALL my bridesmaids if they will be A. Doing their own hair or makeup? B. Hiring someone? C. I offered to pay for services. One bridesmaid said she was doing her own hair and makeup, another said she was having her hair done by someone else. I did this because I'm not going waste $$ for them not to use who I hire. I'm only going to pay for the services I use. To be frank, I think your bridesmaid is both hurt and offended. In your situation I would have asked all the girls what they were going to do about makeup and hair and advise them you should pay for the services. It gives them a chance to agree or let you know they're going to do it on their own. It would save you time and money. I also did some reading on prepping for a wedding. There is no rule that says you are obligated to pay for hair and makeup. If anything the articles say it's "optional" . Good luck, hope you guys work something out.
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Super February 2020
Kaysey · on February 9, 2020 at 10:12 AM
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If it were me, I'd let her do her own makeup. I understand that you want everyone's makeup to look the same but in this situation, I do not see either of you winning this battle. I do not think that she reacted properly to the situation though. There was no reason for her to get rude with you and tell you to "suck it up" and "that's that", over you asking if someone else could do her makeup. I wouldn't risk your friendship over it. I'd let her do her own at the wedding and have the makeup artist you hired do everyone else's. As many of the previous posters have said, you cannot force someone to get their makeup done. Personally, I have a hair and makeup artist for my wedding for me and I'm offering it to my bridesmaids, if they'd like. If they don't, they can do their own hair and makeup. I didn't want to make any of them uncomfortable by telling them they had to have their hair/makeup done professionally.
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Just Said Yes April 2021
Gabriella · on February 9, 2020 at 10:37 AM
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It's your wedding! I personally would say then you cant be part of the wedding. It's not like you're "kicking her out" for something unreasonable.
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Champion June 2019
Gen · on February 9, 2020 at 10:49 AM
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Why do you care if she does her own or has the makeup artist do it? I’m really germaphobic and my face breaks out if I don’t use my one type of makeup that doesn’t irritate it, and I can do my makeup well enough on my own (I’m not even professional) so I wouldn’t let a makeup artist do my makeup for someone else’s wedding, I would just want to do my own. I even did my own for MY wedding. I’m not sure why you have an issue with her wanting to do her own? It’ll save you time and money.
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Dedicated February 2020
P & J · on February 9, 2020 at 10:54 AM
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One of my bridesmaids did something similar. I have a fairly large wedding party and she is literally the only one opting to do her own makeup, I offered to pay for her if that was the issue but she still declined. She does her makeup pretty well and I explained to her that she needs to do the same look as everyone else. I didn’t press the issue because I figure how she wants to look in front of the crowd and in the photos is on her lol hope it all works out for you!
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Just Said Yes June 2020
Jodi · on February 9, 2020 at 11:47 AM
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Really? Who cares. Don’t sweat the small stuff. You are marrying the man of your dreams! Focus on him, not who is wearing what on their faces. You will enjoy the day much more if you remember why you are having the day.
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Beginner July 2022
· on February 9, 2020 at 11:50 AM
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That’s the thing... the style of make up is completely different. That’s why I don’t want her doing it herself. My thing is, her pride is getting in the way and she refuses to act like someone can do better make up than her. It’s just frustrating that she rather do her own make up than have someone else do it and respect my wishes.
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My bridesmaid refuses to let someone else do her make up.

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