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Beginner July 2022

My bridesmaid refuses to let someone else do her make up.

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on February 9, 2020 at 4:09 AM

Ok so my wedding is coming up. Destination wedding! One of my friends in my wedding happens to be a make up artist. I asked her to do our make up because it’ll save me the expense of having to fly someone out. She said she would not do the make up for the wedding and exclaimed that she didn’t even do her sisters make up or her bridesmaids for their wedding simply because she was in the wedding and it’s too much work. So I decided to hire someone and have already booked them. This make up artist is a huge difference and I am happy with my choice. She is a professional make up artist.. whereas my friend just picked it up as a hobby and started doing make up on her friends and then decided to work at one of her friends salons doing make up. The make up artist I hired is well known throughout RI for her work and has worked for MAC cosmetics for years. Her precision in her work is amazing and I told every bridesmaid the situation and she was the only one with a problem. She states that no one is touching her face and she told me she’s not paying to have another make up artist do what she can do. So I asked if it was about money because I will gladly just cover the cost if it’s bothersome to her. She stated it’s not and got offended by the question. She then let me know that regardless of who the make up artist was, no one is touching her face. I think her deal is that she refuses to accept that someone else could do her make up because to her it’s like accepting that someone else can do a better job than her own job on her face. She told me I have to suck it up and “that’s that” and I told her to please reconsider as I will not put the other girls in that situation. Letting her get off with that will mean the other girls can also pick and choose. I did not hire someone so it can be this huge battle. I told her she means a lot to me and I would like her to respect my wishes and the attitude continued until I ended up telling her if she can’t respect my wishes then she can’t be a part of my wedding. I want everyone w the same make up and there’s a HUGE difference in the work. This is only The first situation and I already know she is going to come up with problems for everything else .. what would u do?

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233 Comments

Champion June 2019
Gen · on February 16, 2020 at 9:30 PM
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But you considered her good enough to do everyone’s makeup right? But you don’t think she’s good enough to replicate the look you want...?
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Devoted September 2021
Shania · on February 16, 2020 at 10:08 PM
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“I would let it go and let her to be a guest” 😂😭 I’m sorry but that part had me ROLLING omg 😂😂
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VIP November 2021
· on February 16, 2020 at 10:13 PM
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I agree with a few others - it is YOUR day. It’s not right if her to be stubborn and spiteful. She should be honored to be standing up there next to you and thankful that you ASKED HER FIRST the when she declined you offered to pay for hers to get done by someone else. I think she’s being ridiculous. I’m sorry to in have to deal with this.. oh and hey! I’m from RI!!! Lol small world
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Devoted August 2020
Elle · on February 17, 2020 at 10:48 AM
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I am with you. I am also incredibly detail oriented, and I also could not care less what my bridal party does with their hair and makeup, what dress they wear, what color they wear, what shoes they wear, or what jewelry they wear. I gave them a swatch of a pink I would LIKE them to have as a dress (from Azazie), but said if they didn't like it, they can pick another color, or they can even have different shades of pink. Or it didn't even have to be pink (pink is just my favorite color, so they just assumed they'd be in pink). Heck, even if they didn't want to get their dresses from Azazie, that's fine too. I don't care if they matched, I don't care if they got different dresses. I care about their comfort. I gave them full reign on the length of the dresses (they all decided on knee length) and full reign on the shoes (no idea what color they're deciding, but it will be a collective decision between them).
My bridesmaids are a 5'0" curvy Asian girl, a 5'0" curvy dark skinned Indian girl, a 5'4" Caucasian girl with super short hair, and a 5'9" big busted curvy Caucasian girl. They all look different, they are all different sizes, different skin tones, and I am not in any way going to make them all identical to each other.
I'm sure the OP has had enough comments on this post to really decide what she wants to do, so all we can really say is good luck to her, and make the decision that will make her the happiest.
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Expert May 2010
Theresa · on February 17, 2020 at 11:56 AM
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Don't ask a question if you don't want responses. People don't respond here just to validate whatever ridiculous notion the OP describes. They're here to give an honest response to the situation.
Yes, everyone is entitled to an opinion. You should keep that in mind yourself.
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Beginner July 2022
· on February 17, 2020 at 11:59 AM
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Clearly I got hundreds of responses have I not? That’s why I asked. I am keeping that in mind I just don’t see why someone else’s opinion and response can bother someone who doesn’t realize everyone’s entitled to an opinion. You’re clearly not understanding nor do I care. Goodbye
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Beginner May 2021
Jennifer · on February 17, 2020 at 12:22 PM
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Omg I was like why is everyone considering the bridesmaids feelings and not the actual bride. It’s the brides day not the bridesmaid. And I think as a friend I agree with you that it’s one day and if they are your friend they could compromise for one day and respect your wishes. It’s one day people and it’s really selfish to not compromise for your so called friend for one of the most important days of their lives. I don’t think it’s being a bridezilla because you have a look or idea In Your head that you want to see come to life, let alone for you to want everyone in the party to be similar. It’s your day. And if she stops being your friend then that shows her true character. Especially when you offered to pay for it.
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Beginner May 2021
Jennifer · on February 17, 2020 at 12:25 PM
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Agree with you. It’s her day and she is being selfish. And not a good friend when she can’t do what she wants for one day and she is offering to pay for it.
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Dedicated February 2021
Nakesha · on February 17, 2020 at 2:14 PM
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When you planned your wedding, did you say "eh, that's good enough," or did you ask for things to be how you like them? Did you compromise on your dress? Did you select bridesmaids because they were "just close enough"? Not likely. Did anyone say your priorities were wrong because of it? Absolutely not. Do not attempt to insult me because of my level of perfectionism. I have already stated I am a perfectionist. As for priorities, this is the single day my fiance and I have selected to celebrate with the people we love in a place we love. Everything else WILL be how we want it, all of our bridesmaids and groomsmen already knew this going in and agreed to it. Anybody who couldn't handle it, said so and bowed out. It's fine, it doesn't affect our friendships at all because 1) we were honest upfront, 2) we each respect each other's choices and 3) we respect them MORE for their honesty with us. Above all, honesty is the key foundation for all of us. As far as my bridesmaids, they trust and know that I am NOT going to make them look crazy.
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Champion June 2019
Gen · on February 17, 2020 at 2:25 PM
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Lol I mean we clearly have very different priorities because I DID say “eh that’s good enough” on multiple occasions regarding my wedding, I did compromise on my dress because I didn’t want to spend too much money... I selected my bridesmaids because they’re the most important friends in my life. I literally gave them a color for their dress and said “buy any dress you like in this color, and show up.” All I cared about was being with my friends and having them dress in a way that made them feel confident and beautiful with themselves. They’re my best friends, not my photo props.

And btw. Even with all my “compromises” and “it’s good enough”s, it was still a beautiful wedding and the best day of my life 🤷🏻‍♀️ No one noticed that my bridesmaids had different makeup. In fact I actually received multiple compliments (from the bridesmaids themselves, as well as guests, as well as other ladies on this site) on how my bridesmaids all looked like themselves and not like they were in uniform.

That’s not to criticize you or anyone else who does prefer them to have a more uniform look. I’m just saying, with makeup, as long as it’s generally the same style, NO ONE WILL NOTICE. People are just not paying that much attention to your bridesmaids’ makeup, and you shouldn’t waste any stress on it either.
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Dedicated February 2021
Nakesha · on February 17, 2020 at 3:02 PM
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Detail oriented vrs. Perfectionist.
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Dedicated February 2021
Nakesha · on February 17, 2020 at 3:04 PM
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You don't agree and that's fine. you did your day your way, we're doing ours our way.
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Dedicated February 2021
Nakesha · on February 17, 2020 at 3:06 PM
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That's exactly what the op was saying that the problem was. They AREN'T the same style. They are completely different.
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Just Said Yes October 2020
AnnMarie · on February 17, 2020 at 3:07 PM
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If it were me i wouldnt let it go like everyone else is saying. I have been in this situation with my sister in law..as soon as she heard that we were engaged she wanted conteol of braids maids dresses and her daughters dlower girl dress abd the colors. I kindly informed her that i along with my fiance would be making all those descisions especially since we are paying for it with the help of my parents.
Girl, its your wedding. If you exte ded the offer of her doing makeup out od respect for her profession...and she refused...and you then told her you wete hiring someone else..andddd offered to pay for her makeup....then there isbt much more you can do.
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Devoted August 2020
Keyona · on February 17, 2020 at 3:21 PM
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I had this same situation happen in my wedding party. Literally close to the same issue - now my friend isn't bad with makeup but I get your point its about everyone looking the same. I basically told her it was fine if she wanted to do her own makeup in the end but my other bridesmaids were ok with using the vendor I choose. I just seen it as you see who is really respecting your wishes is 1000 other things to stress over than that. Hopefully you don't have additional issues but I have with the same person! Just this month she ordered her dress and mind you I had to choose another one since she waited so late (she was almost put out) lol but i refuse to stress i think it makes her look wrong and shows the lack of support i wouldn't stress it if everyone else is on board or if it causes you stress to ruin your day then yes drop her.
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Dedicated February 2021
Nakesha · on February 17, 2020 at 5:00 PM
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Honestly, the fact that your bridesmaid said "suck it up" to something that is so obviously important to you, would have gotten a reminder that I offered the all or nothing job to her first so she should know it's all or nothing already and that I find her attitude hurtful and her wanting to have things her way on my day more than a little irritating. If she continued her stance after that, I'd offer her the choice: let the paid professional do it, don't be in the pics that I'm paying for or step down. You can be a hostess, not one of my bridesmaids with that attitude. That's my stance on it.
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Just Said Yes November 2021
Akilah · on February 17, 2020 at 5:11 PM
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Go ahead and replace her. She's already showing signs of jealousy and selfishness.. If you're happy with your decision on your make up artist and she can't get with it. Let it go..
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Dedicated September 2021
Lauren · on February 17, 2020 at 6:08 PM
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She seems a bit on the petty side. I'd let it go though, you have much bigger things to handle. If she wants to look different in the pictures so be it. It's your day, don't let this small thing ruin it.
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Dedicated October 2020
Roshelle · on February 17, 2020 at 10:34 PM
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Family obligation. Plus when she’s not being a difficult human she’s a great person.
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Dedicated October 2020
Roshelle · on February 17, 2020 at 10:40 PM
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Just remember you’re paying hundreds to thousands of dollars on photo and possibly video. The pictures and the husband are the only 2 things you keep after the day is over. She can be a guest if she won’t respect your wishes. You’re just uninviting her from the part that could irk you when you look at those pictures. She’s a vocal point. Not necessarily a prop but standing up there with you she’s a person ppl will look at. So those saying it’s not a big deal if a wedding wasn’t a slightly big deal it wouldn’t cost so damn much. I’m not paying money, time, and effort for you to tell me whatever and suck it up. Once you say suck it up you’re not being a nice friend that should stand up with me while I make major life decision.
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