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Beginner July 2022

My bridesmaid refuses to let someone else do her make up.

on February 9, 2020 at 4:09 AM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 233

Ok so my wedding is coming up. Destination wedding! One of my friends in my wedding happens to be a make up artist. I asked her to do our make up because it’ll save me the expense of having to fly someone out. She said she would not do the make up for the wedding and exclaimed that she didn’t even...
Ok so my wedding is coming up. Destination wedding! One of my friends in my wedding happens to be a make up artist. I asked her to do our make up because it’ll save me the expense of having to fly someone out. She said she would not do the make up for the wedding and exclaimed that she didn’t even do her sisters make up or her bridesmaids for their wedding simply because she was in the wedding and it’s too much work. So I decided to hire someone and have already booked them. This make up artist is a huge difference and I am happy with my choice. She is a professional make up artist.. whereas my friend just picked it up as a hobby and started doing make up on her friends and then decided to work at one of her friends salons doing make up. The make up artist I hired is well known throughout RI for her work and has worked for MAC cosmetics for years. Her precision in her work is amazing and I told every bridesmaid the situation and she was the only one with a problem. She states that no one is touching her face and she told me she’s not paying to have another make up artist do what she can do. So I asked if it was about money because I will gladly just cover the cost if it’s bothersome to her. She stated it’s not and got offended by the question. She then let me know that regardless of who the make up artist was, no one is touching her face. I think her deal is that she refuses to accept that someone else could do her make up because to her it’s like accepting that someone else can do a better job than her own job on her face. She told me I have to suck it up and “that’s that” and I told her to please reconsider as I will not put the other girls in that situation. Letting her get off with that will mean the other girls can also pick and choose. I did not hire someone so it can be this huge battle. I told her she means a lot to me and I would like her to respect my wishes and the attitude continued until I ended up telling her if she can’t respect my wishes then she can’t be a part of my wedding. I want everyone w the same make up and there’s a HUGE difference in the work. This is only The first situation and I already know she is going to come up with problems for everything else .. what would u do?
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233 Comments

  • Nakesha
    Dedicated February 2021
    Nakesha ·
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    It's not a family obligation to deal with somebody being purposely difficult. Blood may be thicker than water but if she's being difficult on purpose you may have to let her just be a guest to reduce your stress.
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  • Sydney
    Savvy June 2021
    Sydney ·
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    It's your wedding. If she doesn't want to do it your way, then she doesn't have to be in the wedding! Being a bridesmaid is an HONOR not a RIGHT.

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  • Kristen
    Beginner September 2021
    Kristen ·
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    I had something similar happen with one of my Bridesmaids! From the get-go I knew I wanted to hire someone for hair/makeup. I've been very firm on the idea that my ladies should be comfortable and feel their best while standing on display in front of 200 guests (they got to pick their own dresses, hairstyles, makeup looks, etc), so I booked someone about a month ago. If I can eliminate stress for them in any way, I figured this would be one way to do it! I excitedly shared the news with all my ladies and even shared that I will be paying for it, and all but one showed enthusiasm about it. She told me that since she knows her face the best, she would prefer to do her own makeup. There's no denying she's good at it, but it was a small slap in the face as this was a thank you gift of sorts to my ladies for all they've done (and will do) for the wedding. But ultimately, I see it this way: she's saving me a little money, and if she feels that confident, then honestly good for her. There will be many battles, small and large, that come with planning such a large event, and this is one small battle I'm choosing not to fight. I hope this helps!
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  • Nakesha
    Dedicated February 2021
    Nakesha ·
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    My thoughts exactly. It's one day. If she cannot give up doing her own makeup for one day to celebrate you and your happiness, was she even thinking about how you would feel or even how foolish she would look?
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  • D
    Beginner April 2021
    Delisa ·
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    If it were me, I’d let her do her own. If she’s a true friend, then you all will Patch things over since it’s just makeup. You are entitled to have a beautiful day, and you will regardless of what she decides to put on her face. If anything she may feel like the odd woman out if the other bridesmaids are getting their makeup professionally done. Let it roll off of your back and keep it moving. 🤗
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  • Nic
    Devoted October 2018
    Nic ·
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    I’m a hair and makeup artist. I was about to do my own hair and makeup on my wedding till all my friends and family told me to relax myself and let someone else do it. I get what she’s saying I let my friend do her own hair and makeup she was one of my Bridemaids and it came out so nice looked just like the girls that got their stuff done. When I’m in a wedding I normally just do myself. It’s not that we think someone is better then us it’s why pay when we can do it ourselves. Don’t get me wrong I do occasionally get my makeup done just to feel pampered but If your friends is really putting up a fight I would just let her do her own it’s not worth it.
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  • C
    Dedicated April 2020
    Cindy ·
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    A no win situation for sure. On one hand, being told that's that would piss me off. On the other, her face, her rules. I'd let it go, who knows, maybe as she see the other gals being done, she might modify her look to match. Good luck!
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  • Patrice
    Dedicated September 2021
    Patrice ·
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    First of all, congratulations!

    Now...if I can just speak frankly from one sis to another... ummm.... she can't be in the wedding then.

    Here's the thing: I myself am in the beauty business--I'm a salon owner and I have PLENTY of colleagues who "do" hair or "do" makeup.... one of my bridesmaids is also a makeup artist but, I too, have hired a professional makeup artist whom I met while working in hair on a movie set. She's wonderful...makeup artist to stars like Tiki Sumpter and the likes. If your bridesmaid/friend is going to allow her ego to control her participation in YOUR wedding, then no, sis, take several seats...outside of the wedding party. Because you're exactly right: the logistics when it comes to the makeup look that will last throughout the ceremony, pictures, etc...it's a huge difference..... primers, setting sprays.... what tools that will set the foundation, the brows...sis, i can go on and on....

    It's going to be uncomfortable for you but this is YOUR wedding, YOUR day, YOUR event, and YOUR money.... if she's not with it, then she doesn't need to be a part of it. It sounds harsh, right? But, it sounds like this is already a red flag that you're already aware of and it's your priority to make sure your day is as smooth as a butter for you and your new husband.

    it's true you can't force anyone to do what you want, but they can't force you to do what you DON'T want either... make the tough call and execute. You can do this a gracious manner but it's still an executive decision and this is ultimately your decision...period.

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  • A
    Just Said Yes November 2021
    Akilah ·
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    tenor.gif
    This is the best response.!
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  • Reasie
    Dedicated June 2021
    Reasie ·
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    YES MA'AM!
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  • K
    Savvy October 2020
    Kassidy ·
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    I think you did the right thing. It’s you and your mans day not hers. You just want everyone to look great and also “uniform” as in similar makeup. It’s one day to put her feelings aside for you on your special day. Bridal party makeup is a common thing to have done at a wedding 😊
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  • K
    Savvy October 2020
    Kassidy ·
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    YES 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
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  • K
    Savvy October 2020
    Kassidy ·
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    I made a booklet in my bridal party proposals that had all the important information and possible cost and if they couldn’t work with it that would have been totally fine and they were more than welcome to be guest at the wedding so saying test to the bridesmaid proposal was saying yes to the possible cost!
    Later on when I brought up the makeup and hair cost one of the girls asked if she could possibly do her own but I know her very well (she doesn’t know how to do makeup and never wears it) I kindly asked if she could just have it done by the professional and I’d help her pay and she agreed! I asked my girls super early, our engagement will have been 2 years by the time we get married in October, so they could have plenty of time to save. I made sure I found the most cost efficient and great artist I could find!
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  • K
    Savvy October 2020
    Kassidy ·
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    👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
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  • Patrice
    Dedicated September 2021
    Patrice ·
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    Lol chiiiiillleeee! ‘Cuz who got time?!?!! Not me, the BRIDE! Lol PERIODT.
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  • Jamie
    Dedicated September 2021
    Jamie ·
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    I would honestly let it go, its not worth fighting for especially over makeup. I understand as a really good friend you are, not only do you want your bridesmaids to look the same but you also want make sure she looks good on your wedding day. Honestly its not worth the back and forth. I believe its more of a pride 🤷🏾‍♀️. And there’s winning there.
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  • T&d
    Savvy October 2020
    T&d ·
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    I was tld a long time ago "when planning a funeral or a wedding, you will always lose somebody." From being selfish.
    OAH: Im a licenced stylist & still allowing someone to do my hair/makeup etc. Its Your wedding day your way! A true friend will want to do what makes YOU happy. That's the number 1 rule/role in being a bridesmaid. The fact that you asked her 1st to do HER OWN & EVERYONE else show you was trying to be supportive to her but she declined so you had to figure something out. Now she refuses to go with that plans as if its HER day her way. "Bridal parties" suppose to be an support system to help lead a hand, thought, or do whats needed to help with your planning& you having a stress free day, not be a problem. Not to mention what a friend suppose to be. And Yeah it seem small to lose a friendship over but know its not on your end its HER who dont want to compromise. Someone is being a bridezilla but I dont think its you🤷
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  • T&d
    Savvy October 2020
    T&d ·
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    👏👏You said that. 💯This msg been approved by your weddingwiresisters. Protect your happiness
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  • A
    Beginner June 2020
    Ann ·
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    When I go to a wedding (and I'm going to have one myself, soon, although we'll probably have to postpone it), I am so happy for the bride and groom and their love, and the expressions on people's faces, and their hearts. The last thing I would notice is makeup, which seems so less important than what a wedding signifies, but that's not the issue, is it. If this is important to you, and your "friend" isn't willing to listen, that says a lot about her character and her ego needs. You do have the right to call the shots. We all differ in what we like or want, and when people we love (friends, spouses, fiances) feel strongly about a preference, what's the problem with accommodating, as long as it's not a moral transgression? I certainly would. That is the issue; not whether makeup is important or not.

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  • Nakesha
    Dedicated February 2021
    Nakesha ·
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    Are you genuinely asking the bride to accommodate her friend's preference at HER wedding??
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