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Beginner July 2022

My bridesmaid refuses to let someone else do her make up.

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on February 9, 2020 at 4:09 AM

Ok so my wedding is coming up. Destination wedding! One of my friends in my wedding happens to be a make up artist. I asked her to do our make up because it’ll save me the expense of having to fly someone out. She said she would not do the make up for the wedding and exclaimed that she didn’t even do her sisters make up or her bridesmaids for their wedding simply because she was in the wedding and it’s too much work. So I decided to hire someone and have already booked them. This make up artist is a huge difference and I am happy with my choice. She is a professional make up artist.. whereas my friend just picked it up as a hobby and started doing make up on her friends and then decided to work at one of her friends salons doing make up. The make up artist I hired is well known throughout RI for her work and has worked for MAC cosmetics for years. Her precision in her work is amazing and I told every bridesmaid the situation and she was the only one with a problem. She states that no one is touching her face and she told me she’s not paying to have another make up artist do what she can do. So I asked if it was about money because I will gladly just cover the cost if it’s bothersome to her. She stated it’s not and got offended by the question. She then let me know that regardless of who the make up artist was, no one is touching her face. I think her deal is that she refuses to accept that someone else could do her make up because to her it’s like accepting that someone else can do a better job than her own job on her face. She told me I have to suck it up and “that’s that” and I told her to please reconsider as I will not put the other girls in that situation. Letting her get off with that will mean the other girls can also pick and choose. I did not hire someone so it can be this huge battle. I told her she means a lot to me and I would like her to respect my wishes and the attitude continued until I ended up telling her if she can’t respect my wishes then she can’t be a part of my wedding. I want everyone w the same make up and there’s a HUGE difference in the work. This is only The first situation and I already know she is going to come up with problems for everything else .. what would u do?

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233 Comments

Beginner June 2020
Ann · on March 17, 2020 at 10:01 AM
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No. She get's to do what she wants, but I fail to understand the elevated importance of makeup to begin with.
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VIP January 2020
Vicky · on March 17, 2020 at 11:46 AM
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That's not a crazy thing. The bridesmaids and groomsmen are honored guests, not props. Their preferences absolutely should be taken into consideration and accommodated, especially when it comes to their own bodies.
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Savvy October 2021
Briana · on March 18, 2020 at 1:57 PM
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I honestly feel that by you asking people to be in your wedding, they are agreeing to the financial (and all other) responsibilities by accepting! My future SIL is VERY picky about her makeup, and only allows one makeup artist to do her makeup who also happens to be her friend/co-worker, so I am allowing it (they work at a hair salon). I myself am also extremely picky with my makeup so I know how it feels (however, I was able to find someone that me and my other picky bridesmaid can agree on) The makeup is nice but it's not something I would have for my other bridesmaids. I told her I will allow it if they can do it the way the other bridesmaids will have it. Can you have her practice doing her makeup the way the hired MUA does it and then send you pics or show you in person? Maybe let her know if she can do it the way the others will have their makeup, then you have no problem with her doing it? Be specific in what you're looking for. It honestly frustrates me because as people in your wedding..not just people..FRIENDS/FAMILY....it's about the bride..we cannot make everyone happy, we can only try to be accommodating in the best way that we know how. I'm not a 'bridezilla' by any means but I do feel if you are requesting makeup being doing and are also offering to pay for it that there should be no issue. Sounds like she's just being stubborn to me.
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Dedicated February 2021
Nakesha · on March 23, 2020 at 1:47 AM
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For me, it's about the pics. I don't want to look at 10 different makeup styles 25 years from now bc that one "friend" wouldn't give up her preference for ONE day. Will it ruin any of my friendships? No, all of my girls love it. The only objection, oddly enough, is from my own mother. 🤷🏽‍♀️ It's one day, she'll be fine.
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Dedicated February 2021
Nakesha · on March 23, 2020 at 1:52 AM
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Taken into CONSIDERATION yes. Which the OP did. So far as offering the offending bm the job, offering to pay to have hers done too and chickadee still said no. Imo, she can get WITH the program or be seated with the guests and GET a program. 🤷🏽‍♀️ Every bride has different preferences. if you've made known to your girls that this is one of yours, take a stand. Otherwise have a seat. Matter of fact, have several seats.
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VIP January 2020
Vicky · on March 23, 2020 at 2:40 AM
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So as far as you're concerned the bridesmaid's only choices were to either agree to do everyone's make up on the wedding day or let someone else do her make up? Those are crap choices. She's in the wedding, which means she agrees to wear the dress, not that she gives up all rights about who touches her body. These are supposed to be your nearest and dearest, not your props. You're getting married, you're not putting on a show. What does it say about (general) you and your priorities if you're willing to kick someone out of your wedding for not wanting someone else doing their make up for them (and being charged for it on top of that)?
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Dedicated February 2021
Nakesha · on March 23, 2020 at 9:49 PM
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Obviously, the OP wants a uniform look. Obviously her bridesmaids all knew this and agreed to it. So for one to suddenly throw a fit about it is pure unadulturated disrespect. 🤷🏽‍♀️ Get with the program or have a seat.
The OP has said (numerous times, actually) that she went so far as to offer to PAY for her bridesmaid's makeup to be done. She (the bridesmaid in question) is being difficult without cause. Now, if she had approached the bride ahead of the other artist being booked and said "hey this is what I'd like to do..." and offered either her own recommendation, state that she'd LIKE to do her own or that she'd prefer NOT to have hers done at all, that's an entirely DIFFERENT conversation than "suck it up."
For you to so vehemently defend a bridesmaid who would speak to her "friend" or family member in this way, says a lot about you. Personally, I don't let people talk to me that way, ever. 🤷🏽‍♀️
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Dedicated September 2020
Ellen · on March 23, 2020 at 10:48 PM
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Muahahah “disrespect”, thanks for the laugh, I needed that after having to postpone my wedding. Thank you, that really was hilarious to hear not feeling comfortable with makeup equating to “unadulterated disrespect”... deadddddd. 😂😂😂😂
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Super November 2021
Alejandra · on March 24, 2020 at 11:56 PM
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This is really not that serious. That’s the problem. And the OP wants a uniform look? Chances are no one (in person or in pictures) will notice if makeup is different. Uniform doesn’t have to mean identical in a wedding. At the end of the day, yes, it is OP’s wedding, but it’s bm’s *body.* she’s asking to do her own makeup because (for her own reasons) she doesn’t want someone else to touch her face. That’s understandable. There is literally nothing wrong with asking that someone respect your bodily autonomy by letting you do your own makeup.
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Dedicated February 2021
Nakesha · on March 25, 2020 at 11:58 PM
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The unadulterated disrespect was her telling the bride to "suck it up". Not anything else. The bridesmaid comes off as rather rude and touchy. Personally, not someone I would have as part of my bridal party. Glad I could make your day, though.
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Dedicated February 2021
Nakesha · on March 26, 2020 at 12:11 AM
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That was only the beginning of the problem. Did you read the entire post? Even my entire comment went deeper than just the surface issue. The surface issue is makeup. The underlying issue is the bridesmaid decided that no matter what the bride wanted, she would be as difficult as possible. The bride offered more than one solution (not required btw, just a nice gesture) the bridesmaid RUDELY rejected both after which telling the bride to "suck it up."
While you think "no one" will notice, there are people who will. Am I saying it should be a concern for you? No. What I AM saying is to respect the fact that while for some people it's the flowers, the dress, the seating arrangement, the cake, the music, for some it's the makeup, the catering, the table arrangement, or the colors. To each their own. Your bridesmaids OUGHT to know what is important to you from the get go, that's part of why you picked them-you're close. Don't, for the love of pete, let somebody sway you from what is important to you!!
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Super July 2021
Aimee · on June 5, 2020 at 12:29 PM
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So, how did the wedding go? lol
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Beginner July 2022
· on June 5, 2020 at 1:13 PM
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Lol the wedding is early next year. I decided to let it go. I didn’t make a big deal I just wanted advice some people thought I literally was being a complete a-hole but in all reality she’s the one who was acting all entitled about the situation and I let it be and gave her the option to please reconsider and I’d appreciate it and if not she can just do her own make up and i will get over it. I assured her that her make up isn’t going to be the highlight of my wedding day. I also told her that going forward other decisions I would like to be made by me like the dress the girls wear or hairstyle and I made it clear I wanted to accommodate everyone’s needs but ultimately it was my decision so I said I will be making more decisions and if u feel like this isn’t for you I respect that as well but I’d love for us to just get past this and move forward. She replied by saying this wouldn’t ruin our friendship but that she rather not be part of my wedding because she doesn’t want to upset me. I assured her she wouldn’t and I will not be bothered if she decides to still do her own make up. Her decision was firm so I respected it and asked my cousin to be in my wedding and she agreed and has been nothing but caring and easygoing.
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