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Beginner July 2022

My bridesmaid refuses to let someone else do her make up.

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on February 9, 2020 at 4:09 AM

Ok so my wedding is coming up. Destination wedding! One of my friends in my wedding happens to be a make up artist. I asked her to do our make up because it’ll save me the expense of having to fly someone out. She said she would not do the make up for the wedding and exclaimed that she didn’t even do her sisters make up or her bridesmaids for their wedding simply because she was in the wedding and it’s too much work. So I decided to hire someone and have already booked them. This make up artist is a huge difference and I am happy with my choice. She is a professional make up artist.. whereas my friend just picked it up as a hobby and started doing make up on her friends and then decided to work at one of her friends salons doing make up. The make up artist I hired is well known throughout RI for her work and has worked for MAC cosmetics for years. Her precision in her work is amazing and I told every bridesmaid the situation and she was the only one with a problem. She states that no one is touching her face and she told me she’s not paying to have another make up artist do what she can do. So I asked if it was about money because I will gladly just cover the cost if it’s bothersome to her. She stated it’s not and got offended by the question. She then let me know that regardless of who the make up artist was, no one is touching her face. I think her deal is that she refuses to accept that someone else could do her make up because to her it’s like accepting that someone else can do a better job than her own job on her face. She told me I have to suck it up and “that’s that” and I told her to please reconsider as I will not put the other girls in that situation. Letting her get off with that will mean the other girls can also pick and choose. I did not hire someone so it can be this huge battle. I told her she means a lot to me and I would like her to respect my wishes and the attitude continued until I ended up telling her if she can’t respect my wishes then she can’t be a part of my wedding. I want everyone w the same make up and there’s a HUGE difference in the work. This is only The first situation and I already know she is going to come up with problems for everything else .. what would u do?

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233 Comments

Beginner July 2022
· on February 9, 2020 at 11:53 AM
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Why do I care? Because the style of make up is completely different. The make up artist I hired will have a huge difference in make up style and to top it off I’m paying for her so why does if anyone has to suck something up .. why does it have to be me? I’m not trying to control something in her life it’s my wedding she can do her make up any other day, get me? It’s my wishes and I asked her nicely and was very nice about it. And frankly it won’t save me time and money I’m not the make up artist and she’s paid regardless.
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Beginner July 2022
· on February 9, 2020 at 11:55 AM
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I told her this is what I want and the attitude continues. I don’t want to ruin our friendship but she also is showing me she could care less if this ruins our friendship and she’s literally making it known that she will have her way and doesn’t care that it’s my wedding. If you want me to be honest whatever way this goes I’m going to be bothered.. it’s so frustrating
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Beginner July 2022
· on February 9, 2020 at 11:58 AM
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I appreciate your response. I made it a point to let everyone know from the beginning that I will hire people and let them know and to top it off, it’s a ego thing for her. She just doesn’t wna say that she’s doing her make up with someone else. That’s the only reason for it. She’s the only one who’s given me problems since the start and I’m annoyed that I’m the only one who has to suck things up for my own wedding. If anyone has to suck something up why should it have to be me. If I allow her to do her own make up I know for a fact I’ll be so frustrated all day with her and regardless I’ll want her out of my wedding party anyways.. it’s difficult
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Champion November 2016
LB · on February 9, 2020 at 11:58 AM
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This is so ridiculous to me. Makeup doesnt have to "match" everyone is different. BMs should be your nearest and dearest, not props.
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Beginner July 2022
· on February 9, 2020 at 12:01 PM
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Mmm, I never said they were props but I also don’t want everyone to look similar and her be the only one who is off. And obviously make up doesn’t have to “match” if you’re going out with a bunch of friends but it’s a wedding which is coordinated and dress, hair and make up style will match because that’s my wishes so I see nothing ridiculous in it
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Master September 2019
Sarah · on February 9, 2020 at 12:02 PM
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I don’t really understand how she was good enough for you to ask her to do your makeup at first but now she’s suddenly not even good enough to do her own without it stressing you out.
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Just Said Yes April 2021
Gabriella · on February 9, 2020 at 12:04 PM
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Tell her, if it doesnt look like everyone else's make up then I dont want you in our pictures lol
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Beginner July 2022
· on February 9, 2020 at 12:04 PM
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I never once said she wasn’t good enough. I decided to hire someone who does a better job and I would like her to do her make up with this same person because the make up style is completely different
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Beginner July 2022
· on February 9, 2020 at 12:05 PM
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But then the pictures will look weird. I’m so mad I’m about to just replace her but then I want to give her time. What would you do?
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Dedicated July 2020
D · on February 9, 2020 at 12:07 PM
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I would simply ask that she uses the same color palette as the make-up artist you have hired.

Sometimes small things can escalate out of proportion when you are dealing with wedding planning stress. You obviously think she is a good makeup artist if she was your first choice. I wouldn’t let something as little as makeup ruin my big day or a friendship to be honest.
I hope everything goes smoothly from here on out for you and your bridal party! Best of luck!
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Just Said Yes April 2021
Gabriella · on February 9, 2020 at 12:10 PM
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I read someone said to not let it bother you and enjoy marrying the man of your dreams.

I partially agree only because it would bother me. But if you can get past it, then just let it be. If you cant than replace her and dont let it bother you because its your day and she isnt willing to accommodate to your liking/wishes as the bride.
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Dedicated September 2020
Ellen · on February 9, 2020 at 12:13 PM
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Why will the pictures look weird? This would not be the hill I would die on, let her do what makes her feel comfortable. Yes, it’s “your day”, but if you care enough to have someone stand by your side, I feel you should care enough to let her do what makes her feel comfortable.

For reference, I’m paying for any BM who wants it done, and for the ones who want to do their own, I’m encouraging that! It mattered to much to me that each girl feels herself and her best, as they are putting a lot of energy and money to be in my wedding.
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January 2019
MOB So Cal · on February 9, 2020 at 12:13 PM
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Personally, I don't understand how everyone can have a "same make-up look" because faces and complexions are different. I love and appreciate my friends' individuality, but that's me. Based on the responses it seems there are a lot of us who wouldn't see different make-up applications as being a deal-breaker, but if it is to you, you've already issued your ultimatum. All you can do now is see if she chooses to drop out and/or end your friendship or bend to your requirement. Personally, I'd never choose a "look" over a close friendship, but you absolutely can as long as you're good with the potential consequences.
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Dedicated September 2020
Ellen · on February 9, 2020 at 12:16 PM
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*mattered too much
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Champion June 2019
Gen · on February 9, 2020 at 12:30 PM
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You’re being highly controlling about this. You can’t make her get makeup done by someone she doesn’t want. Literally no one is going to notice if her makeup is a different “style.” People will be focused on you, the bride. You’re marrying the love of your life, idk why you care so much about what your bridesmaid’s makeup looks like... as long as she’s not wearing like bright purple lipstick or something.
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Super October 2020
Eri · on February 9, 2020 at 12:47 PM
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Makeup is very personal. You want all of your girls to feel confident and like themselves so that their happiness shows through in the pictures, right? People will notice that much more than the "consistency" of makeup looks.

For my wedding, I hired the makeup artist that I wanted, but she's a little pricey. I gave my girls the option of getting their makeup done by her, or doing it themselves, or whatever they wanted really. All but one will be getting theirs done by the artist I hired; my cousin wanted to do it herself, and I am 110% fine with that. As it is, all my girls will be having different looks done because I want them to be comfortable in their own skin.
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VIP October 2020
Samantha · on February 9, 2020 at 12:59 PM
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I would just let her do her own makeup. No one will notice or care if all the ladies are done by the same person and I’m really struggling to understand why you would kick out a member of your bridal party over something so small.
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Expert June 2020
Kelsi · on February 9, 2020 at 1:15 PM
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I noticed you mentioned later that the MUA you chose has a completely different style. I personally would not feel comfortable wearing makeup that doesn’t feel like “me”. I also wouldn’t want my bridesmaids to not look like themselves because I love them for who they are. Maybe that’s her issue here? She may feel like you’re trying to change her appearance.
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Dedicated February 2020
P & J · on February 9, 2020 at 1:25 PM
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Makes sense. From Bride to Bride I’d say just don’t stress to much about it. Try one more conversation with her, take her to lunch or something if that’s an option. If she still doesn’t want to agree & its vital to you, then kindly explain you’d rather she support you from the audience. Just don’t dwell on it too much because it’s so much other stuff you can put that energy on!! Don’t burn yourself out, enjoy your wedding planning ❤️
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Expert May 2010
Theresa · on February 9, 2020 at 1:33 PM
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So let the makeup artist do one of the BMs so she can see what the "completely different" style is (completely different than what?), and then she'll know what it looks like and can do her own. Not everyone can use the same color palette. Skins tones differ. As long as she knows what the style needs to look like, she should be fine doing her own.

Frankly, this all seems a bit ridiculous. Your pictures will look fine as long as the makeup colors used flatter each indivual.
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