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Beginner July 2022

My bridesmaid refuses to let someone else do her make up.

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on February 9, 2020 at 4:09 AM

Ok so my wedding is coming up. Destination wedding! One of my friends in my wedding happens to be a make up artist. I asked her to do our make up because it’ll save me the expense of having to fly someone out. She said she would not do the make up for the wedding and exclaimed that she didn’t even do her sisters make up or her bridesmaids for their wedding simply because she was in the wedding and it’s too much work. So I decided to hire someone and have already booked them. This make up artist is a huge difference and I am happy with my choice. She is a professional make up artist.. whereas my friend just picked it up as a hobby and started doing make up on her friends and then decided to work at one of her friends salons doing make up. The make up artist I hired is well known throughout RI for her work and has worked for MAC cosmetics for years. Her precision in her work is amazing and I told every bridesmaid the situation and she was the only one with a problem. She states that no one is touching her face and she told me she’s not paying to have another make up artist do what she can do. So I asked if it was about money because I will gladly just cover the cost if it’s bothersome to her. She stated it’s not and got offended by the question. She then let me know that regardless of who the make up artist was, no one is touching her face. I think her deal is that she refuses to accept that someone else could do her make up because to her it’s like accepting that someone else can do a better job than her own job on her face. She told me I have to suck it up and “that’s that” and I told her to please reconsider as I will not put the other girls in that situation. Letting her get off with that will mean the other girls can also pick and choose. I did not hire someone so it can be this huge battle. I told her she means a lot to me and I would like her to respect my wishes and the attitude continued until I ended up telling her if she can’t respect my wishes then she can’t be a part of my wedding. I want everyone w the same make up and there’s a HUGE difference in the work. This is only The first situation and I already know she is going to come up with problems for everything else .. what would u do?

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233 Comments

Master November 2020
Kristen · on February 9, 2020 at 1:37 PM
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Could she do her own make up but still keep the style you want? Is that a happy medium. Each bride is different but do not play the it's your day for this one. For some things like deciding on an afternoon wedding or no kids is one thing but removing her over make up...how would you feel. If someone removed you from their wedding over something like this. I get you were not being rude but I would really let this go but as someone said it's your day... Do what you want but if you press the issue are you willing to ruin a friendship? Sorry there's an issue but do you think things will be cool if she decides she won't be in the wedding?
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Savvy June 2021
V · on February 9, 2020 at 2:06 PM
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I had the exact same situation with a difficult bridesmaid. She refused to have someone else do her makeup, since she could “just do it herself and save money”. I offered to pay, so the money thing shouldn’t have been an issue, she just wanted to be difficult. Ultimately, I figured there were bigger things to worry about, and I told her she could do her own makeup, as long as she does it at the venue while we’re all getting ready, so we can all still have that whole morning-of experience together. It’s not ideal, but she’s still getting her hair done professionally with the girl I hired, and she’ll be doing her own makeup. It’s annoying, but sometimes you just have to pick your battles. Look at it this way- everyone will be focused on you anyway, and there will hardly be any close-up shots of the bridesmaids. As long as YOU look perfect , that’s what matters.
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Expert July 2020
Courtney · on February 9, 2020 at 2:22 PM
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It’s odd that you asked her to do the makeup for the bridal party and she said no but then when you went and find someone else, she said no... I think she responded in a rude way and is trying to have her way, however, here are some options for you since most people on here are giving you a hard time.

I’d kindly tell her how you feel and that you just want everyone to match.. then maybe see if she’ll offer to do only the bridesmaids makeup and you’ll pay her? Then get yours done by the professional? That way yours is done in a different way being that you’re the bride.. or maybe asking the professional to do a simple face for the bridesmaids so it will match your bridesmaid that wants to do her own. That’s what my makeup artist will be doing.
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Expert July 2020
Courtney · on February 9, 2020 at 2:23 PM
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Well said!
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on February 9, 2020 at 2:25 PM
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I can see why she said no. Why work on the day of a wedding you're going to be in. Maybe she's sensitive about the make application but I will say if you offered to pay she should've accepted. I think this quote and the one before are good solutions to help but like V said if she still refuses then let it go.
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Dedicated March 2021
Sarah · on February 9, 2020 at 2:55 PM
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In my opinion I think that she should do her own makeup but out of respect for you And to compromise, that if you want a specific look (like say not too heavy or not a Smokey eye or whatever the case may be for you) then she should go off that for her doing her makeup. For my girls I will be having a makeup and hair person and for myself even though I can do my own makeup, I have already asked my girls if they wanted to pay for makeup and hair and most said they would do their own makeup and most likely pay for hair to be done. And that’s coming from my bridesmaids who said they would literally do anything I want and that they’d wear a paper bag if I wanted them to lol. Weather it’s about money or not, you should just let her do her own makeup if she means a lot to you, if she does her makeup fairly well anyway then who cares. Her makeup isn’t going to stand out from you and your FH.
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Super February 2020
Kaysey · on February 9, 2020 at 3:39 PM
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I completely understand where you are coming from. My sister-in-law (my brother's wife) is out of the wedding party because of different reasons but attitude was one of them. I was upset about it at first, but now I think it was best and I like knowing that there will be no drama the morning of while getting ready. If you think cutting her out and replacing her is the best move, I'd say go with it. This way, you know you'll have a stress free and problem free time while getting ready. It's your wedding day and if you feel not having her in the party is the best option, you should do what you think is right.
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Just Said Yes September 2020
Brook · on February 9, 2020 at 3:49 PM
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Honestly if you want her out of your wedding because of make up.... she shouldn’t have been in it in the first place because y’all aren’t that close. I would never make my bridesmaids choose between getting their hair or makeup done and being in my wedding.
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Master November 2022
Chrysta · on February 9, 2020 at 3:53 PM
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I am curious as to why you want everybody’s make up to look exactly the same. Everybody’s faces, shapes, features, etc. are different. doing the exact same makeup on everybody likely won’t look great on everybody. I, personally, would prefer everybody to have different makeup to suit their individual faces. That is how they are going to look the best! Plus, the whole “matchy matchy” bridesmaid thing has really lost popularity over the years. Nowadays, brides are favoring allowing different hairstyles, makeup styles, dress styles for their bridesmaids, so that everybody looks their best- rather than trying to force everybody into a look that really doesn’t work for everyone. Rather than forcing all the girls to have the exact same makeup, why don’t you allow the makeup artist to give each of them a unique look that most flatters them. Then you won’t have to worry about one girls make up standing out over all the others- they will all look uniquely beautiful
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Beginner July 2022
· on February 9, 2020 at 3:55 PM
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Well.. for starters I never said the same exact make up. I am aiming for the same make up style. And that doesn’t solve the problem anyways.. she just flat out refuses to have anyone touch her face but herself because she believes she can do whatever anyone else can even if they’re a professional
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Master 0000
Judith · on February 9, 2020 at 4:07 PM
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You can not, ever, require someone wear makeup. And you as bride cannot control who does any other person's make-up. It is often convenient for the bride, or others, to use one makeup person. But in the end, each person is responsible for choosing to do their own makeup, or use someone you choose, or go to a slot of their choice, or have a friend do it .
So do not fight her on this, please. Because she is right. And if others want to do their own, it is their choice. If you want this person for yourself, make an announcement that she will take those who want her services, and the price. You do not control anything other than choice of dress, as bride. So keep that in mind with any plans. They need not participate in any grooming or getting ready things, as long as they are groom's.ed and ready an hour before the ceremony, or when pictures are being taken if before the ceremony. This is long standing etiquette. It is good you have found someone you want, for this day. 🙂 I never let anyone else do my hair or makeup for a special occasion, either. Or nails. It is not a matter of money. And I have been in many bridal parties. Some, the bride only arranges for herself, some others want services too. Just accept that. Trying to overrule BM will only bring I'll will, not what you want .
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Master 0000
Judith · on February 9, 2020 at 4:15 PM
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It is not up to you to choose other people's hairstyle, or style of makeup. You can state a preference. But then, everyone does what they want. They are not hired models or actresses, paid $300 an hour to projects someone else's vision of how they should look. They are real people, who control their own personal looks , and wear any personal jewelry they want. Your friends and family, not manikins for you to dress and style. As long as they are dressed and groomed appropriately for the formality of the wedding, they choose how to look.
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Master November 2022
Chrysta · on February 9, 2020 at 4:24 PM
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Well you did want her to do everyone’s makeup, so obviously you think she’s good at what she does. And who knows, maybe she IS just as good as whoever was hired. I would give her the chance! Tell her the style of makeup you want & let her do her own makeup in that style. You said it’s a pride thing getting in the way, but I totally understand why... in her eyes you are basically saying she is not as good (“she believes she can do whatever anyone else can even if they’re professional”). I would be hurt, insulted, annoyed too! Honestly, I think you are letting your own pride get in the way because you just want her to do whatever you say. You both need to respect your friendship and meet in the middle- you compromise by letting her do what she does for a living, and she can compromise by doing it in the style you want.
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on February 9, 2020 at 4:48 PM
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Highly agree w this statement here. My thoughts too. I think you two should hash things out and keep the friendship. If she has been difficult for a myriad of reasons then remove her but not over make up I feel. I think you're both letting pride get in the way. Have you two spoken since you gave her the ultimatum?
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on February 9, 2020 at 4:49 PM
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Are things good between your SIL since removing her? I am not trying to argue but I think most of the points is to avoid saving the friendship. If someone kicked me out of the wedding party (even if I am at fault) I probably wouldn't be on good terms with that person.
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Beginner July 2022
· on February 9, 2020 at 4:59 PM
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Well I didn’t remove her entirely. I told her to please reconsider and I’ll be there if she wants to talk more or compromise.. I told her I love and care for her and would like to find a happy medium and she didn’t respond so I don’t know..
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Super February 2020
Kaysey · on February 9, 2020 at 5:12 PM
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My SIL and I haven't been on good terms for months - but that has nothing to do with the wedding. Her not being in the wedding party was her decision. She pulled herself out as well as my brother. I was the one who fought to keep them in the wedding but my SIL wants nothing to do with it. She has a terrible attitude and blames me for not reaching out to her to hang out when I work 60-70 hours a week, and blames me for other things I have absolutely nothing to do with. I told her the phone works both ways but she didn't want to hear it. She's all about her and if someone is doing something in their life that doesn't benefit her, it's a problem. The whole situation upset me for a while but now I realize how much calmer it's going to be the morning of without her there. I'm actually dreading her being at the wedding at all now after the things she's said about me and my family to others. But my brother loves her and I don't feel it's right to uninvite her to the wedding. It's an unfortunate situation but she's so mad about something that I'm not even aware of but is blaming me for it.

On a lighter note, I did have another bridesmaid leave the bridal party. That BM and I sat down and talked out what was going on and we both decided it was best for her not to be in the bridal party. She and I are still great friends and her and her husband are attending the wedding as guests.
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on February 9, 2020 at 5:38 PM
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Ahhhh okay I misunderstood. I will say I do get your perspective on this. As to me if someone offered to pay to do my hair and make up then I would do it to make her happy. Not sure why she is letting it get to her and not give in. I may have misread and thought you officially told her is out if she won't do the make up. I feel you are willing to compromise. I would give her some time to cool and maybe reach out to her next weekend and just ask if you two can talk the situation out. Let her know that you prefer she not do her own make up and she does not want the artist to do it even if you pay so where can you two meet in the middle. For you personally what would the compromise be? I think maybe give her some suggestions. However, what will your plan be if she refuses to do anything but do her own make up? Do you really want her out of the wedding party if she does not comply with anything? I do get it is frustrating as on one hand it is your day so why she won't get the make up done who really knows, even if she can do make up but as you said earlier she did not want to do the entire bridal party which I can see because she probably does not want to work the day she is a part of the wedding. Maybe make up is some sort of pride for her? I guess it comes down to would you prefer being annoyed with her doing her own make up and being difficult or her telling people you were a difficult bride that would ask her to step down over make up. Sadly this is a hard situation but I think it is best to think of some compromises but if it comes down to it is it worth hurting the friendship over make up what will you do? You need to do what is best for you but if she does not comply with any compromise just think how you want the relationship to me post wedding.
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on February 9, 2020 at 5:40 PM
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Ahhhh ok in that situation then it makes sense. Sorry she is difficult. I agree I would not want her at the wedding either but the things you do for family I guess. I am glad there will be no drama on the day of.
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Master May 2020
Kari · on February 9, 2020 at 5:45 PM
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Having a stranger touch your face is weird, and I think it is well within any woman's right to not want a stranger touching or manipulating their face. When I was a kid in my school play one of the moms was doing makeup and straight up poked me in the eyeball with a mascara wand. Then I ended up with a poison ivy rash all over my face because the oils must have gotten on someone or me some how, and the act of applying makeup and removing it spread it all over, to the point where I had to get special treatment. Granted these weren't professionals, so I have no idea if they were washing and disinfecting applicators and using the same products on multiple kids or what, but it was a bad experience nonetheless. If someone doesn't want someone touching their face, you respect that.

I feel like you need to let your friend do her own makeup and if she looks worse than the rest of your tribe that's her punishment. You cannot force her into using the makeup artist you are providing, even if you are paying for it. If you feel like you aren't willing to compromise and she isn't either, then you need to decide if its something you want to risk your friendship over.
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