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Beginner July 2022

My bridesmaid refuses to let someone else do her make up.

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on February 9, 2020 at 4:09 AM

Ok so my wedding is coming up. Destination wedding! One of my friends in my wedding happens to be a make up artist. I asked her to do our make up because it’ll save me the expense of having to fly someone out. She said she would not do the make up for the wedding and exclaimed that she didn’t even do her sisters make up or her bridesmaids for their wedding simply because she was in the wedding and it’s too much work. So I decided to hire someone and have already booked them. This make up artist is a huge difference and I am happy with my choice. She is a professional make up artist.. whereas my friend just picked it up as a hobby and started doing make up on her friends and then decided to work at one of her friends salons doing make up. The make up artist I hired is well known throughout RI for her work and has worked for MAC cosmetics for years. Her precision in her work is amazing and I told every bridesmaid the situation and she was the only one with a problem. She states that no one is touching her face and she told me she’s not paying to have another make up artist do what she can do. So I asked if it was about money because I will gladly just cover the cost if it’s bothersome to her. She stated it’s not and got offended by the question. She then let me know that regardless of who the make up artist was, no one is touching her face. I think her deal is that she refuses to accept that someone else could do her make up because to her it’s like accepting that someone else can do a better job than her own job on her face. She told me I have to suck it up and “that’s that” and I told her to please reconsider as I will not put the other girls in that situation. Letting her get off with that will mean the other girls can also pick and choose. I did not hire someone so it can be this huge battle. I told her she means a lot to me and I would like her to respect my wishes and the attitude continued until I ended up telling her if she can’t respect my wishes then she can’t be a part of my wedding. I want everyone w the same make up and there’s a HUGE difference in the work. This is only The first situation and I already know she is going to come up with problems for everything else .. what would u do?

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233 Comments

Beginner May 2021
Sierra · on February 9, 2020 at 7:46 PM
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I agree with you, girl! Her day, her wishes should be honored. Definitely not being a bridezilla.
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Just Said Yes October 2020
Amanda · on February 9, 2020 at 8:22 PM
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If it were me then I would let her do her own makeup. I would meet in the middle if it was a huge issue. I like more natural looking makeup and my wedding is going to be very earthy feeling. If I were in this situation I would just ask that she keeps it in the color scheme and theme of your wedding.
Plus feeling comfortable and confident either as a guest, bridesmaid, bride, or even groom, is pretty important. If getting someone professional to apply your makeup makes you and some of your wedding party feel absolutely stunning that is great, but if it makes her feel super uncomfortable, then that is a lot to ask.
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Super October 2020
Molly · on February 9, 2020 at 9:32 PM
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I have to agree with you on this. If she doesn't want someone to do her makeup that her choice. To tell her she needs to have it done by the makeup artist or she will not be in the wedding is ridiculous.
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Beginner June 2021
Kaylyn · on February 9, 2020 at 9:54 PM
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It sounds like there’s going to be more and more trouble with her down the road.. Id say it’s my day and this is what I want, I hope you can be there for me but please let me know your decision. Be firm on what you want but ultimately put the ball in her court. Sorry you have to deal with this.
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Master October 2020
Mandi · on February 10, 2020 at 1:36 AM
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Well if you're paying for the makeup artist [as you should be if your are requiring they use the makeup artist], I dont think most of your bridesmaids would turn you down. Honestly, if the difference is as drastic as you say it is, well, just let her look like a dumpster fire. 🤷‍♀️
I don't think this is worth kicking her out of the wedding for, because the whole thing seems way over the top and over dramatic. Let her do her makeup and go on.
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Just Said Yes April 2021
Melissa · on February 10, 2020 at 4:43 AM
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I’d let her do her own make up. It’s important for people to feel like they have choices and have autonomy over their own body.
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Savvy March 2020
Schawaria & Prentice · on February 10, 2020 at 6:11 AM
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I think you did the right thing. I had a situation that was very similiar. This bridesmaid decided that she did not want makeup at all. It is my feelings that it is my wedding and the one time when I will have it my way. So eventually, she decided that she did not want to be in the wedding and dropped out.
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Dedicated September 2020
Ellen · on February 10, 2020 at 6:20 AM
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“Let her look like a dumpster fire”

Ugh shaming someone is not ok, and to insinuate she will look unattractive without the makeup isn’t kind.
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Dedicated June 2021
Mm126 · on February 10, 2020 at 8:21 AM
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I understand both points of view. However, I’d just let her do her own makeup. Her typical style may be different, but can you show her the portfolio of the MUA you hired, and ask if she can do something similar?

Also keep in mind that just because the same makeup style is applied to all girls, does not mean that it will look the same on everybody. Differing facial shapes, bone structure, eye shapes etc can really impact how the makeup will actually look.
I wouldn’t lose sleep over this.
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Legend July 2019
MrsD · on February 10, 2020 at 11:54 AM
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Just let her do her own makeup. Two of my bridesmaids did their own makeup. The rest had their makeup done (I paid for it). It's fine.
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Just Said Yes February 2020
Maricela · on February 10, 2020 at 11:56 AM
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First she was good enough to do everyone’s makeup now she’s not allowed to do her own makeup 🤦🏽‍♀️
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Savvy September 2020
Melissa · on February 10, 2020 at 12:10 PM
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I would have done the same thing. I think you handled the situation the best way, she wasn’t giving you and option and at the end of the day this is YOUR wedding and your vision. If she cares enough about you and wants to be part of your day, she would be the one to suck it up.
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Dedicated August 2020
Carlette · on February 10, 2020 at 12:19 PM
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I had one of my girls yesterday say she didn't want to wear makeup at all because she let someone do her face recently and had a bad reaction. I assured her that we would be using a professional and it seemed to ease her concerns. Problem averted, at least for now. Hopefully you can have another (in person) conversation with her to get the reason why she is against someone else doing her makeup. It seems to be more there that maybe she isn't sharing with you.

For me personally, she would either have to give in or be out of the wedding. I think it is the one time you should have say over the look you want everyone to have.
I keep reading that people think it shouldn't be a big deal or that demoting her will cause you to lose your friendship. I think a true friend should also understand your vision as the bride. Good luck!
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Just Said Yes September 2020
Sharese · on February 10, 2020 at 12:25 PM
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Its your wedding; your rules. You can work on the friendship AFTER your wedding. The fact that you offered to pay shows that she is being difficult, petty and inconsiderate. It is stressful enough planning a wedding, she seems adamant and you already foresee her being more problematic PLUS you already gave the ultimatum so now you have to follow through. If not, you will not be taken seriously and people (her) will continue to be difficult and problematic and ignore your rules/preferences. Accept people for who they are. She doesn't seem like she is for you or there to support you. She could just suck it up for your day - but noooooo. Drop her & get back to focusing on your day!
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Beginner July 2022
· on February 10, 2020 at 12:53 PM
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Thank you I feel like everyone’s trying to tell me I don’t care about the friendship and it’s like okay... so clearly neither does she. Why out of all people do I have to let it slide but she can’t for me ?
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Just Said Yes April 2020
Cierra · on February 10, 2020 at 2:20 PM
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I get it! If worse comes to worse then just let her do her thing. Oh well! But you might try explaining it in a way of, “this big day is so special to me and I want everyone to be able to enjoy this experience to the fullest by my side. I know you do make up for a living and your great at it, but I would love it if you allowed me to pamper you a bit, and let Susie (whatever her name is lol) spoil you for one day.
If that doesn’t fly over well, then just let it be and don’t let it put a damper on your big day!
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Devoted November 2021
Stephanie · on February 10, 2020 at 2:40 PM
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I'm just confused because weren't you okay with her makeup style initially when you asked her to do the makeup for you and the rest of the girls? Then she said no so you hired someone else? So at first you had to think she was good enough to do the makeup but now you don't trust her enough to replicate the other artists work on her own face? I just don't think it's a big deal. I've never been in a wedding where the bride dictated our makeup look, seems strange to me. People are very particular about the type of makeup they wear and how it makes them feel. If you thought she was talented enough to do the bridal party's makeup then you should trust her enough to do her own face. And you're right that she is being difficult I would ask her why she doesn't feel comfortable having someone else do her makeup but it wouldn't be the reason why I kick her out, if anything it saves you money so seems like a simple solution to me.
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Beginner October 2021
Megan · on February 10, 2020 at 5:55 PM
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This. With all the nonsense being put on women today, it's important that we don't do it to each other. I think this is one area where the "it's your day, you get to decide" thing doesn't fly, it's her body and her face, so it's her decision. If that's a deal breaker for you then let her know, but I would let her do it and explain you would like her makeup to be similar to everyone else.
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Dedicated October 2021
Christina · on February 10, 2020 at 6:44 PM
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Honestly I could understand her wanting to do her own if your plan was that people could do what they want. It sounds like you want everything to be uniform/similar across the board and you asked if she wanted to do it and she said no because she felt it would be too much work for her the day of. Which is a totally fine decision, but if your decision is to hire someone else to do hair/makeup I think she needs to understand that this is what’s happening now and get on board. However also, if you’re requiring that everyone gets these services, proper etiquette is that you should be paying for everyone! I think you have to decide if you want everyone to have it done by this person, if it’s not worth the fight then let her do her own thing, but I don’t think she should be refusing to allow someone else to do these services for her if that’s what you want for your wedding
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Just Said Yes November 2021
Denise · on February 10, 2020 at 7:09 PM
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The same thing. It's obviously causing unnecessary stress. You even offered to pay and she doesn't seem to be very reasonable on your wedding day. Best of luck!
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