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Beginner July 2022

My bridesmaid refuses to let someone else do her make up.

on February 9, 2020 at 4:09 AM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 233

Ok so my wedding is coming up. Destination wedding! One of my friends in my wedding happens to be a make up artist. I asked her to do our make up because it’ll save me the expense of having to fly someone out. She said she would not do the make up for the wedding and exclaimed that she didn’t even...
Ok so my wedding is coming up. Destination wedding! One of my friends in my wedding happens to be a make up artist. I asked her to do our make up because it’ll save me the expense of having to fly someone out. She said she would not do the make up for the wedding and exclaimed that she didn’t even do her sisters make up or her bridesmaids for their wedding simply because she was in the wedding and it’s too much work. So I decided to hire someone and have already booked them. This make up artist is a huge difference and I am happy with my choice. She is a professional make up artist.. whereas my friend just picked it up as a hobby and started doing make up on her friends and then decided to work at one of her friends salons doing make up. The make up artist I hired is well known throughout RI for her work and has worked for MAC cosmetics for years. Her precision in her work is amazing and I told every bridesmaid the situation and she was the only one with a problem. She states that no one is touching her face and she told me she’s not paying to have another make up artist do what she can do. So I asked if it was about money because I will gladly just cover the cost if it’s bothersome to her. She stated it’s not and got offended by the question. She then let me know that regardless of who the make up artist was, no one is touching her face. I think her deal is that she refuses to accept that someone else could do her make up because to her it’s like accepting that someone else can do a better job than her own job on her face. She told me I have to suck it up and “that’s that” and I told her to please reconsider as I will not put the other girls in that situation. Letting her get off with that will mean the other girls can also pick and choose. I did not hire someone so it can be this huge battle. I told her she means a lot to me and I would like her to respect my wishes and the attitude continued until I ended up telling her if she can’t respect my wishes then she can’t be a part of my wedding. I want everyone w the same make up and there’s a HUGE difference in the work. This is only The first situation and I already know she is going to come up with problems for everything else .. what would u do?
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233 Comments

  • Nakesha
    Dedicated February 2021
    Nakesha ·
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    She's a hobbyist, stated by the OP in her post. That is NOT a professional. One of my friends is a hobbyist at makeup and if I asked her to do makeup for my bridal party it would be an all or none for us too.
    Like the OP, I am very detail oriented and so having one bridesmaid be drastically different than the rest WOULD ruin my day bc MY focus wouldn't be where it should.
    I hate how many big picture people try to shame us detail people by 1) saying we don't exist 2) that we're "overreacting" to an out of order detail or 3) presenting an if-then POSSIBILITY as though it is FOR CERTAIN the outcome. You CAN remove people from your wedding party without losing the friendship. There ARE other roles besides bridesmaids and groomsmen. Every detail is as important TO YOU as you think it is. Most of it won't matter to most of your guests as long as they get a piece of cake and a snack and both of you said the correct names. My advice is this: having already had the main argument, assess what you want for your wedding day. Assess what you want in the years following. Move in the direction of your vision of AFTER the wedding.
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  • Roshelle
    Dedicated October 2020
    Roshelle ·
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    I’m having a similar situation with my sister. For those saying let it go I would let it go and ale her to be a guest. If you explained from day what you expected and it’s not putting their health at risk what is the problem?! So my situation is everyone already agrees to get their makeup done. I found an artist I love and trust. They all seem to be on board but then weeks later after I already said what it was my sister comes to me and says hey are you set on your artist cuz I want my face done by this person 😒. My sister is just difficult by nature. I said what it was over a month ago I really don’t want anymore damn suggestions. Cuz my does that. Knows what I want and try to passive aggressively bully me into a different thing. Once you let in one suggestions now comes all the other bridesmaids with the okie doke.
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  • Hannah
    Just Said Yes July 2021
    Hannah ·
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    Omg! Wow! I am so sorry your going thru that, how awful. It seems like your friend is making things much harder than they need to be. I'd be up front with my friend and let her know, everyone else is having their makeup done by this artist and its MY wedding. If she dosent want to be helpful and make this a fun experience I'd reconsider her being one of my bridesmaids.
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  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
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    Professional or not, she was good enough for the OP to originally want her to do everyone’s makeup.


    This woman’s perspective is she just wants to do her own makeup. She doesn’t want to have to do other people’s, but she doesn’t want someone else doing her own. This seems like a non issue.
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  • Dedicated June 2021
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    I wouldn't Argue with her just let her do her thing. No since getting worked up girl. It's Your Wedding and if you want to Treat your other Friends in your Wedding that's great. I am sure all will be very Beautiful! Don't stress the Small stuff. Enjoy your day.
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  • Nakesha
    Dedicated February 2021
    Nakesha ·
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    For some brides, makeup is an all or nothing. Either do everybody's or have the same service ready for everyone. Personally, my bridesmaids KNOW that I expect everyone's makeup to be done and by who and who's paying for it. I am so detail oriented and a perfectionist to boot that if one of my girls had the wrong color eyeshadow by just a few hues, I'd catch myself staring at her face for 1/3 of the night wondering why she thought it was okay and make sure she wouldn't be in pictures and explain why.
    It sounds petty to some people. In reality, for the rest of us, it's the same logic that made you pick roses over carnations. You want everything AND everyone looking their BEST for your day.
    Have it done for the ceremony and pics and then wash it off for the reception. 🤷🏾‍♀️ Once the main pics are taken, do what you want, within reason, obviously.
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  • Nakesha
    Dedicated February 2021
    Nakesha ·
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    Just a question, if you knew your sister was going to difficult, why would you include her as a bridesmaid?
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  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
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    That’s absolutely ridiculous. You’re marrying the love of your life and you care about the shade of your friend’s eyeshadow?


    Really sounds like priorities need to be gotten straight.
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  • A
    Beginner June 2020
    Ann ·
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    Well, maybe it would help you to think about be-ing rather than look-ing or do-ing. Who, really, is going to be looking at how someone's makeup looks? And if they are, that's kinda superficial and judgmental. Hopefully, they'll be looking at the happiness on your bridesmaids' faces for you, their close friend and your beloved and at the radiance on your face as you come down the isle because you are making a lifetime commitment to do something wonderful and also challenging. If you are so concerned about the "look" of your wedding, perhaps you need to step back a bit and consider why you are getting married at all. What is the worth of a friend? Is she worth losing? Just sayin'.

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  • Ellen
    Dedicated September 2020
    Ellen ·
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    I am incredibly detailed oriented, and I could not care less what my bridal party does with their hair and makeup. I am paying for it if they want it done, but there’s zero pressure to go the professional route. Your bridesmaids are not props, they are people, supposedly your closest friends and family. If their makeup is that much of a deal breaker, you are too focused ok looks rather than the reason you are getting married.
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  • Vicky
    VIP January 2020
    Vicky ·
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    And I won't. I think it's sad that people think their friendships should be measured by how ridiculous and uncomfortable they're willing to be at their friend's request. How about a true friend would never ask you to wear something that you're not comfortable wearing, and especially not just because 'that's what they want'?

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  • Vicky
    VIP January 2020
    Vicky ·
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    That's an unreasonable approach and expectation and something that you should work on about yourself, not a problem to project onto others by making them into dressed up identical barbie dolls.

    People are not flowers. You do not get to have the same kind of control over people as you do the flowers in your wedding. You just don't. They're human beings, not props.

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  • Ellen
    Dedicated September 2020
    Ellen ·
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    Agree - I am so over the mood on this board that tends to justify bad & selfish behavior with “it’s your day”. It is everything wrong with wedding culture. Yes, you are getting married, but your guests are people who have gotten you to where you are - respect that and make your guests feel loved and welcome.
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  • Shannon
    Just Said Yes September 2021
    Shannon ·
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    I would let her do her own makeup. I have people in my wedding party that do hair and makeup and I already expect for them not to want anyone else doing what they can do themselves.
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  • Beginner July 2022
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    Thanks I appreciate the advice
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  • Beginner July 2022
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    It’s far more than a eye color shade. There’s a view for my bridal party that I wanted is all. I’m not reconsidering my friendship at all
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  • Beginner July 2022
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    Thank you! That’s my take on it too but whatever
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  • Ellen
    Dedicated September 2020
    Ellen ·
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    I’m still here, because I think it’s important to share a different perspective. Thanks!!!
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  • Beginner July 2022
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    Exactly and you are over the mood so bye! Lol your option and perspective isn’t too different. A lot of people are saying the same thing. You’re over the “mood” when you just said it’s important to share a different perspective which is what people are doing. Don’t like it then don’t bother adding to it
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  • Beginner July 2022
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    She’s not a professional. She picked up the hobby at home and started working at a local shop that her friend owns.
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