My children aren’t invite but others are!

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That is a heck of lot of kids to invite. I do not think they were rude. Your group was fine to decline, assuming it was done politely and timely.

Firstly, are you paying for the wedding?

It's their wedding, not yours. And yeah, it feels petty to not attend because your kids aren't invited. They're quite young, and a wedding might be too much for them to handle (having to sit still and be quiet for a 20 min ceremony might seem like ages to them).

Having a few children in the wedding party is different. And if that child has siblings you cant NOT invite them. THAT would be rude in my opinion. But you and your children are not a part of that circle or wedding party. I'm not sure why you're taking this personally?

Personally I love kids but I'm not having them at my wedding because I dont want to deal with the stress of making sure they are calm, happy, and not getting themselves into trouble. Last thing I want is to listen to a child screaming/crying during the ceremony or reception when every one is trying to relax and enjoy the moment. Just my two cents.

What they're doing is totally fine. Those kids have roles in the wedding and are invited because of this, not because they are "Full" siblings. If other kids are going, fine to be a bit upset. But I would not bring it up or not go just because they are having an adults only wedding and your kids aren't in the bridal party.

I do think that sometimes bride and grooms decide to have some kids be in the wedding party to finagle the no kids rule, but that is up to them. I think that can be based on which parents they feel closer to do, or which kids they think are better behaved. And while OP says all the kids are under 10, there can be a big difference in a 7 and 9 YO sitting through the ceremony versus her 4 and 2 YO. IME, people who rudely insist that their kids have to be invited to adult events have the worst behaved kids.

I would think the bride & groom are just inviting children of siblings & wedding party, or kids of a certain age? I just wouldn't go if you don't want to leave your kids at home.

I would not be offended, it's perfectly normal to invite some kids and not others. If you do not want to attend because of it, that's fine.

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MOB, Thank you!!! Perfect advice. My Daughter is getting married in August. My BFF was upset, as my cousin that their grandchildren were not invited. Yes, the Bride and Groom’s choice. It is their Wedding and are spending a lot of money to host everyone. The list has to stop somewhere and it is an adult affair. My GF is getting an Airbnb and bringing a trusted friend to care for her grandchildren for the time during the event. People can also choose not to attend and be reminded they are a guest and not in charge. Brides do not need their drama of guests. MOB here as well.

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Oh, my goodness brides do NOT need extra/added drama provided by their guests! If only all potential wedding guests understood that!

This is a prime example of why the “these kids (newborns/flower children/couple’s children) can attend but everyone else’s can’t and they will understand” mindset *always* backfires.

I would have a difficult time interacting with the couple post-wedding at family events after treatment like that. Clearly you and your family are not considered equal or good enough in her eyes. If if was me in that situation, I would refuse to attend not only their wedding but any future family events they will be attending. They don’t respect you the same as the other brother and family.

It might be “normal”/common to play favorites with children invites but it has never been polite to do so. If anything, it’s retaliation for the whole childhood thing where your parents would never allow you to play favorites with invites..you invited everyone equally or no one at all.

Don't go. The couple fully knows that when guests have little children, they may decline for practical reasons. It's not just you, it's all their guests. So if you're wondering if you're looking petty by not attending, they are not actually thinking more about it. Try not taking this personally as your children are too young to be asked into the bridal party.

Only my nieces & nephews are invited to my wedding. There’s no children on my FH side, except his nephew (which I include as my nephew above!)! My FH & I are high school sweet hearts and have been together for 7.5 years! So his family is mine at this point and vise versa. The guests children are not invited as it counts as a chair at the reception & a plate for food, so it would just get super expensive and out of hand. I’m sorry this is happening, as an Auntie, I could never!

I'm sorry you are hurt. It sucks to feel excluded - it does.

That said.

Where I am from this is very common and I would not consider it rude. The bride and groom may consider having the children of the bridal party invited part of a thank you gift to the parents for standing up with them at the wedding, or it is simply a necessity, logistically, in order to have the parents there in that capacity.

It may be an unpopular opinion, but a wedding invitation is just that - an invite, not a summons. You are not in any way obliged to attend, should any detail of the activities of an invite be unsuited to you or your family. The basic fact is, not all events are suitable for children (or children are for whatever reason, not welcome), and that sometimes means declining things you'd like to have attended, had you not had kids.

To provide context from a couple's point of view - we are having no children at all. Not even sibling's children. Partially because, as you say, it is difficult to say 'sorry - YOUR child can't come, but these ones can' but also because the children involved are way too young to enjoy, or have a role in the day. We might have done what this couple did, if they were older. Instead, we will invite our nephews and nieces to come over to the house where we are getting ready for photos beforehand, and also understand it may mean their parents leave early from the reception. That is life with kids.

If we had invited everyone's children, we would have been increasing our guest list by a full third. As you can imagine, that would massively change the entire feel of the day. It might be possible to have a newborn at a ceremony that won't cry, but THIRTY children of varying ages and wriggliness? I'd say impossible. Managing one or two children during the reception to stop them eating the cake, roll around on the dance floor during the first dance, or otherwise run under the server's feet? entirely possible. Managing a HOARDE of children? Not doable!

And finally... each child invited to our wedding would cost us $50. That is an extra $1,500 for each child to eat a handful of fries and one or two chicken nuggets. In the most respectful tones, I don't personally think that is good value.

Will I be sad if our friends choose not to attend because their children are not invited? Of course I will, but I will understand their choice, just as we socialized our plan with them a year ago and they likewise understand and accept our choice. No one has to like either choice, but they do have to respect it as the couple's right to choose.