My daughter refuses to come!!!

Unfortunately, you can't make her come, but hopefully she changes her mind. However, abuse is a serious allegation. I would focus your energy on this aspect of your post. Hopefully you or another loved one (maybe a more neutral person at the moment?) can explain how horrible that is. 18 is still quite young, but she should be able to understand.

She is doing this to hurt you. You can only control your life now. She needs respect for you and it seems it's lacking. Tell her to stop being entitled and grow up. Just my point of view. Do not let this get you down she wants that.

This must be heartbreaking to think about : ( Please just let it cool down for a few days & just let her know that she & her BF are still invited to the wedding. Try to keep the moving business & wedding separate; but ultimately...you can't force her & if she misses her own Mother's wedding - that is something that she will have to live with...

That is really petty of her. It seems to me like she's having a fit that she didn't get her way and is trying to get back at you for it. Also, her comment about your FH abusing you is really serious. That's not something you joke around or lie about. If I were you I wouldn't allow her to come to the wedding.

Let it all settle for a couple of days. Don't talk to her. Seriously. She's feeling hurt, your feeling hurt. Things will be said that can't be taken back.

Once you guys have calmed down some, shoot her a text asking how she's doing. She answers. Then next day same thing. Maybe ask how her day was. This will kill the mother inside of you because you know she's making mistakes but you can't get through that teenage brain.

Hopefully in a month with just simple communication between you guys you can work out the attendance to the wedding. If she misses it, you will be hurt that day and it will hurt so bad. But she will then have to live with that choice for the rest of her life.

I understand what she has said and done is extremely hurtful, but she is an adult and can make her own choices.

I agree.. It is childish, petty and so incredibly wrong. This man has been a father to her when her biodad has been completely absent. I haven't told him her false accusations as it will quite literally crush him. He loves her so much, he actually asked her if he could adopt her. Until then I wasn't aware adult adoptions existed. I do want her there, she is my only baby and my mother is gone.. I did tell her that she is still welcome, we both love her and want what's best. My younger sister swooped in and bought all the necessary stuff last minute to stand next to me.. I'm so broken hearted about this and I can't tell my FH, my best friend.. Not before the wedding anyway.

As much as it pains me to say it, you cannot force her to come. Hopefully she changes her mind, and I know it sucks, but she is old enough to make her own decisions.

I know I can not force her.. I wouldn't even try she is an adult and she gets to make her own choices and then accept the consequences. I'm just in shock and very hurt. Up until said BF she loved and respected us. This behavior is not what we are used to. And it is so hard to know she's behaving this way and deparaging a man who has done so much for her. I suppose I mostly needed to vent because this is a lot to hold in. FH and I already deal with enough (he is a PTSD/TBI soldier) and I just am at a loss.

Pray on it and put the rest in God's hands

Monica unfortunately they are biologically adults but they aren't mature enough to make decisions. This is immature behavior that should be dealt with after everyone has calmed down.

My son moved out on New Years. One of the things he told people was he couldn't stand my DH. Why? Because this kid was going through trucks like crazy and couldn't afford to gas them up. DH mentioned one night as we were talking about it he should get a car. Something cheap on fuel. He lost it and told people he's controlling and can't stand living with him.

You can't control what she says but you can control how you react to it. People aren't going to believe a butt hurt 18 year old over a mature calm woman. So as hard as this is just give it time.

ETA-words are hard

I'm so sorry this is happening. 18 can be such a difficult age.

Can I ask if there's an age difference between your daughter and her boyfriend?

How did he act and behave in front of you when meeting him?

Why did she want him to move in? Or was it the typical "we're soooo in love!" reasoning so many teenagers use?

You said this happened after the BF entered the picture, so I'm wondering if he's being a puppet-master here.

He is actually a few months younger.. They've known each other for 7 years and she's always been 'in love' with him. He always treated her like a back up.. He cheated on all his other gfs and broke my daughters heart many times. FH was always the shoulder she cried on. Now they are finally together and she is obsessive about him. FH refused to let him move in for what I would say are obvious reasons but he also was never rude or mean to the kid and he was allowed here to see her etc. I am positive that her BF is the reason she doesn't want to come and of course she would never make him look bad so she is blaming everything on FH.. It's just a horrible way to handle it. I've only talked to one sister about it and she agrees with you. Anyone who has spent 5 minutes with FH and knows my daughter will know the truth.

I had a friend that did that...she moved in with me for a short while because she told me her mom's boyfriend was doing meth and tries to break into her room. After speaking with her mom after some extreme drama from her daughter, it turned out my "friend" got annoyed that her mom didn't want her bringing home random guys to screw. Kicked her butt back home and ended the friendship right there. Your daughter is just trying to be dramatic probably. Just have a chat with her and see what's going on.

That's rough! Good advice here OP. I hope your daughter comes around

Thank you ladies. I really do appreciate all the insight and advice.

Ouch. Unfortunately, yeah, this is going to have to be a lesson your daughter learns on her own.

Her fairytale has come true, she finally has the Prince Charming she's always wanted, and this time, it'll be different. He won't cheat on her. Her won't break her heart now. The way she sees it, he finally wants her, and everything has fallen into place.

He has her right where he wants her. Happy and vulnerable. That's probably how he picked out his last girlfriends, too.

Unfortunately for the two of them, you see through his BS. You've both got his number and you know what he's all about.

She doesn't see it. She won't see it right now. Hopefully she will, but right now, she has what she's always wanted.

And mommy and daddy won't let the one thing that makes her over-the-moon happy live with her, happily ever after? She's mad. She's furious. She's upset. "They're ruining everything!" is what she probably thought when she was told the news.

And he saw all this happening, knew why it happened, and convinced her that she doesn't need you because all they need is each other.

He probably is coaching her through this, crafting a story in her head where it wasn't good for her at home with you, especially with your FH; and she's upset with you, doesn't have any logic, so she just lets it all sink right in.

She's moved out and she's going along with it all. Maybe she came up with not going to the wedding, maybe he did; it doesn't matter. They're just going for low-blows.

All because, and I can guarantee it, they want you to relent on your stance. After all, if they get their way, they'll make everything go away.

This is all one big power-move and it's an awful position they've put the two of you in. Absolutely awful.

Helena's advice was spot-on. Don't reach out to her for several days. Then, send her a message, and ask how everything is going. It'll be painful, but it's all you can do. She's 18 and made her choice. Perhaps, through Helena's advice, she'll slowly come around.

As she said, it'll hurt you if she misses it, but that is something she'll have to live with, also.

This may end up being a situation that she won't come around until she sees what you see in her boyfriend. Again, it sucks, but it may take seeing him for who he really is for her to come around.

I would keep an eye on the allegations of abuse because that is truly serious. It's defamation of character and should NOT be tolerated.

That's...I have no words. Fake allegations like that are so many negative words. Pathetic, vile, horrendous, sad. Unbelievable.

I'm so sorry dear. I hope it all works out, sooner than later.

@Jay I think you are spot on. Thank you.

I'm sorry :'( I'm 21 but still have my bratty teenage moments but your daughters is a bit extreme with the abuse bit..I doubt anyone will believe her over you so I wouldn't worry about that part. As for her coming or not, I wouldn't push it just yet. You've got some time. Let her calm down but don't stop trying to talk to her. She wants the attention despite not getting what she wanted originally. I wish you luck <3

Ugh, teenagers are the worst (speaking as a formerly horrid teenager). PPs have some great advice. Leave her be and just kill heels with kindness. I hope it all works out.