My dream wedding with a dirt cheep budget tips:

Well, OP did mention oreo balls and fruit, but you know those will be taken by the first 30 men in line and that one relative who stuffs their pockets out of entitlement. I'm not trying to humiliate OP here, but the solution could simply be to not invite so many people. When OP promotes YOUR day, dirt cheap, and prioritizing money to what's most important to you, if it's not into the celebration itself-- what ARE the couple's priorities? There must be some consideration for invited guests or otherwise the party planner's motivations will be suspect, as Sandy ZV has demonstrated.

Etiquette never requires anyone to break their budget, including a very modest budget. As long as the couple is not asking to put their hands in their pockets to pay for any part of the reception and it is held at an appropriate time of day, inviting the people who matter to you in your life is more gracious and inclusive than what is spent. Likewise, while people usually have to make cuts somewhere, eliminating those who really do deserve to be there or whom you would miss simply to have a fancier party is less admirable than inviting those people and adjusting the budget accordingly, IMO.

It would be a courtesy to write "light refreshments to follow" on the invitations so that people know to plan accordingly. If it was someone I cared about, it wouldn't stop me from flying across the country to be there. It's about the people, not the party.

I said, "if anything" to make the point but no, a couple isn't a charity and their finances are their own business. The only appropriate etiquette guideline for what to spend on a wedding gift is one's own budget and closeness of relationship. Not the lavishness of the affair, or what was spent per person on a caterer. If that's not being in someone else's pocket, I don't know what is.

But by the same token if you are very close to someone and know first hand the difference a generous gift would mean to them, there's nothing in the world wrong with that either.

No, I go by what's put in front of me in terms of wedding hosting. I don't assume that if a couple has a smaller or simplified wedding that is because they can't afford it, just as I don't assume that a lavish wedding is a reflection of their wealth. Everyone gets the same because they deserve the same. But, scrimping has its limits and Hosts should be aware there are etiquette minimums to meet which are enough food and chairs for everyone. Anything less is being lazy, inconsiderate, or ignorant which can all be remedied with guidance from others. Also, I disagree with you and I do think there's something wrong with pity gifts. If I had a friend who gifted me more because they assumed my husband and I had needs for which they can be our resuer, we would be very offended.

Fwiw, I think it's absolutely wild that "etiquette" dictates that we plan major life events around the proportionality of gift giving. I feel like making any arrangements INCLUDING inviting people based on the premise that it's some transaction where you are expected to be paid and they are expected to be entertained, is abysmal.

Weddings are for announcing your commitment to belong to your family and community as a couple moving forward. People should be honored to attend, not counting the value of the celebration and wondering how much to write a check for. Is that what society has actually boiled weddings down to?

Very glad I'm only doing this once.

This thread was very entertaining... thanks for the lunch entertainment!

OP, you're a gem and doing what works best for you. Kudos!

To the person(s) who brought up gifts... yeah, you should probably go find another thread to comment on because your take is your take, but it doesn't seem to mesh with everyone else says here... so, not the thread for you me thinks... because here, we just serve popcorn and are planning weddings to celebrate, not get gifts.

Many people say that, but we also hear a lot about how couples are annoyed or even mad that they didn't get the expected gifts. There are countless videos of people not letting people into events if the guest doesn't have a gift and even those brazen couples that put their expected gift demand on invitations. I bet everyone here knows that they have heard couples talk about who gave gifts and who didn't.