My Family not being supportive?

I’m sorry your family is not showing support. Your sister does not own the week of her birthday. Also, your anniversary is not going to affect how her birthday is celebrated. In most social circles, people don’t invite their friends and family over every year to celebrate their anniversary - just the couple celebrates privately. It sounds like she may have some maturity and attention issues that she needs to work through.



Make sure you celebrate your wedding how you want to - if you just want to elope and have it be just the two of you, I say go for it.

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Hi Erin-

I honestly think I am doing everything to upset everyone by making decisions that make me happy and comfortable. I also asked my Best friend her thoughts and she also said the same thing you said, but has a spicy side and added a bit extra lbs.

Also in that group text no one has responded to her. I am not even sure how to respond or if I should. Your thoughts if you would like to offer some?

First, I want to address your sisters birthday coinciding with (near?) your wedding date. "she plans to celebrate her birthday 9-16 to 9-18" her birthday is one day. She gets one day, just like everybody else. And that day has absolutely nothing to do with your wedding date, nor will they ever cause issues in the future. I would not even entertain that...lol

Second, I don't feel like two years is too fast to get engaged, but to each their own. I would consider there is definitely a reason why your family is worried about it, and to try and understand their perspective. That doesn't mean you have to cancel your plans etc, but make sure you've checked all your boxes. Yes, he makes you feel safe and loved, but also: is he financially stable enough to enter a marriage? Are you? Do you share the same values, beliefs, and expectations about your future? These may be things that your family is worried about.

If you really want them involved, then I would sit down with your parents and have them lay it out for you - what's the problem? If not, then I would elope. At the end of the day, your family is supposed to be your village but a marriage is between you and him, and that's all that matters.

View Quoted Comment You’re not obligated to respond to her group text. Sounds like she is just doing it for attention. If you need to take a short break from communication with her, I’d also suggest that.


There will be plenty of decisions you (or your FH) make that will upset others around you. As long as you are not putting yourself or others in danger, it’s ok to do what you need to do to be happy and comfortable. I definitely understand and empathize with that feeling of wanting to do things as your family would like to avoid conflict- I had lots of points of conflict come up in my wedding planning with multiple people, including both family and friends. But at the end of the day, this is about you and your FH, not their wants and needs.
I agree with Bailey - sit down with your family if you really want them there and have them outline their exact concerns to you and talk it out with them. If they still can’t be supportive after that, I would elope.

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Hi Bailey

As I am getting growing up I have realized that I can not please every one and that everyone has a lot of things going on in their lives. I try to empathize with my sister(she's younger) with that since her reason was, because she "doesn't have that weekend as an option " . I get it in a way, because my birthday is two days before Halloween.

When it comes to the rest of my family I have spoken with all the members that do not sound too thrilled. My dad asked why so soon and assumed I was pregnant as well as my grandma(His mother). I explained it to him when we got engaged that we would be getting married this year as well as well.

I explained to all of them that I understand that they are scared; their reasons was that he was using me and putting up a "Charade" and they think I am making a mistake since I was previously engaged. However, my previous engagement had a lot of foundational issues, but they were supportive of that still. That wedding was going to be a big wedding with a lot of people and bridal party etc and everyone was involved pretty much.

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You are right. For whatever reason I have always been fearful of my sisters words and actions towards me if it was something that didn't serve her. It could unpredictable.

I agree with your second point as well and I really do wish I could be a stronger person when it comes to stuff like this. To me it does feel like I need to prove myself and/or him to them. My first thought was to elope privately since I was scared this was going to happen already, but then I really thought and realized I wanted my family there to support me too. I feel like that just back fired.

Also when I was planning my previous wedding I also realized how much strength, being in charge, and trying not to be a people pleaser it takes to do that and wasn't sure if I would want to do that again. Sometimes I think my family would be happier if it was a bigger wedding like that and they were involved .

Side Note: We do plan to have something a bit bigger later for other guests still close, but not a lot of people we do not know

View Quoted Comment I definitely feel you there, it’s not easy and wasn’t for me either. I’ve found therapy has helped me a lot with that and am a big proponent now of anyone seeking therapy - you don’t need a clinical diagnosis of something. Mine has helped me worked on boundaries, anxiety, and standing up for those boundaries and wants and needs.

The sister really should appreciate celebrating a birthday close to your wedding date. The only exception would be if this was a sweet 16 birthday this year. Otherwise, it would seem a good way for a family get together to celebrate both events each year. Hoping the best for you.

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I have a therapist lol and love the growing and building of myself during this process with my therapist. I got to speak with her a little bit since it was not scheduled , but she asked me how I would feel if it was only me and my FH and it would feel great, but It would be much better if there were people there that I knew were supportive and happy for me. So She kind of helped me form a message, because I get scared of how she can get sometimes like pretty reactive etc. so I will be basically telling her and the others who are not supportive that I would not like them there, because I would really like people there who are supportive.

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Thanks. I am not sure how this day will turn out :/ I have a lot things to consider and my family is used to me being the one who typically "folds" or maybe thats not word to use but I can be pretty submissive with my boundaries with them I guess.

I am sure if I changed my date that they would be happier because my sister is happier and it would feel better to them for that reason and their own

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I've mainly been a follower in my family but we have not had such conflicts.

I’m sorry you’re dealing with all that right now. Everyone has pretty much covered everything I’d like to say so I’ll just leave it at “your sister can celebrate her birthday as much or as little as she chooses. That however, does not have to affect you every year. You can celebrate with her just on her actual birthday and that is complete acceptable”