My family will not attend my wedding abroad where my fiancé is from

Yes, I think you are being unreasonable. International travel is a huge inconvenience. It is expensive, time consuming, difficult with jobs, and oftentimes taxing on the mind and body. I understand people in your fiancé’s culture may feel a certain way about your parents attendance, but you have to remember that it is not your parent’s culture. I think it is incredibly unfair of you to expect this much of them, and to try to hold them to the standards of a culture they do not share. You are holding two ceremonies, and they have already indicated they plan to attend one of them. That should be enough.

Have your FS cancel the India wedding as it will be as he says. Arrange instead for one wedding that is local for which you and FS control everything. If your disappointing family attend, then great. But, I would remain detached from depending on them in the future. You will not change their mind as they've resolved it's not important and/ or they're anxious. You can't change their culture, as you can't change your FS family's culture. I'm sorry it turned out this way.

Of course it would be ideal to have one (or both) of your parents at the ceremony in Asia, but understandable if your dad cannot get time off work and your mom can't travel internationally alone. It's a very big trip with major jetlag and would have to take at least 1 week for travel and the wedding.

It seems like your fiancé is creating more anxiety surrounding this based on his responses. It's important that he respect and understand your parents' decision without being concerned about what other people might think. That really isn't valid reason to push them either way, he needs to get over that.

I don’t know where anyone would have the idea that it is reasonable to expect anyone, including parents, to travel around the globe, even for your wedding, under the cirumstances. Your FI may be operating under cultural assumptions and expectations but he is not being fair or reasonable.

View Quoted Comment

I think it's more than peer-pressure from the neighbors. In many communities, a wedding is a joining of 2 families and it's concerning if few represent one side. OP is also saddened that her parents are unwilling which are separate feelings from her FH's worries. I'm the pragmatist and so suggest throwing 1 wedding where the couple live now, and both sets of parents could likely attend. I would further reduce expectations from anyone other than my FS.

View Quoted Comment

Asian parents travel for their children's weddings. His parents have agreed to travel to the US wedding. So yah, it would make sense that unless her parents are not able-bodied they could try to make the attempt. This is not the case.

View Quoted Comment

Except this is not a local wedding involving a couple from the same community, which no doubt was the norm in the time and place in which these standards and expectations developed. It should not be a scandal when everyone knows the wedding involves major international travel and that there will be a second reception, not to mention a sibling who cannot travel and serious work considerations.

View Quoted Comment

Sorry cross posted.

View Quoted Comment

I wasn't speaking for local weddings, but for multinational weddings. For cultures that are more family-oriented, it would be alarming if few or no people came from the other side. In the US it's more commonplace, but still I've had friends who were disappointed their parents were unwilling to attend for any reason. As an American guest, it would be impolite to question why but to accept they didn't show.

View Quoted Comment

Those are the breaks when someone is getting married an entire world away. The bottom line is that not everyone can responsibly afford or manage a trip like that regardless of culture, family oriented philosophy, or expectations. Life isn't so black and white.

Dial back your expectations. No one is required or obligated to attend. Many people decline international/destination weddings for a variety of reasons. It is unrealistic and unreasonable to get upset and demand that they attend because they are parents/siblings/whoever. All guests everywhere are optional and it is never an obligation to attend. Be grateful for who does show up and their ability or desire to attend or not does not in any way reflect their personal opinions of you.

View Quoted Comment No, the bottom line is that the Indian wedding is not what either the Bride and Groom want. Even if he and his side came to understand the complications, the Bride is upset and may feel abandoned.

View Quoted Comment The OP does want the Indian wedding. She’s asking if it’s fair to be disappointed that her parents can’t or won’t come and if she should push it with them. Her FI wants the Indian wedding, too, but not if her parents won’t be there.



It’s true that OP is disappointed that her parents won’t or can’t make the trip, but a good part of that is because of the pressure she’s under from FI.

View Quoted Comment

[deleted comment]

Thanks all for comments. I called my parents again and made sure they know I understand all their reasons for not going. Only one parent said the word bully, and it’s because the other one was very upset that they felt like they were having to chose between kids. I told them I would have a conversation with my FH later about whether we are even having the weddings. Two weddings was meant so that family did not feel required to go across the world, but I don’t know why the feeling is my parents are required to be there. It so that his family and friends and family’s friends can attend, not to entertain my parents. I think my FH didn’t want a big weddings anyways, but he is allowing it to happen for his family. I think all of his family I met so far are very rational and understanding, so I think it would be the same case if my fam is not at the wedding. But their plan when to have the wedding over there was not planned around what would work best for my family, so it’s not fair to expect my parents to drop everything to be at something they didn’t get a say in. If he really doesn’t want to do a wedding overall, that is another possibility we may consider.
My parents are still thinking about it. My Dad did not ask his boss yet, even though he still thinks it won’t be possible to get the time off, and my Mom has the option to travel with my close friends and stay a shorter time than me, if she wants. But I know there is still that chance they can’t go. I love my parents a lot. I knew what they were going through, but it was still a bit disappointing that things might not work out, and I am trying to mediate everyone without it becoming a drama. And personally, I don’t care what anyone else thinks of me there. I just need to make sure my FH will be okay, too, no matter what happens.
Thanks for the comments validating that it’s okay for me to feel disappointed but also the comments that I can’t expect my parents to go, because it’s fair.