My family won't attend my wedding

We left my father right before my senior year of high school, and he is not walking me down the aisle. My grandparents and a number of other family members are not attending, and I'm sure that is why. At this point, family should love you and support you on a day like this, regardless of what you chose to do, and I pray that your family will change their minds! Best of luck to you!

You have to overcome it. It will be hard because your family should be there but in all honesty you cant make them. They already have a pattern of not being there for you in times of need. I would suggest talking to a professional if it gets you down to long. Good luck

It really does suck, but you cannot make people attend, no matter how badly you want them to be there. If you are open to them changing their minds as your date gets close I would let them know that, but focus instead on the people that will be there celebrating you and FH, and the fact that you are marrying someone who has seen you at presumably your lowest and has always been there for you, and will continue to do so.

I'm very sorry for the loss of your baby girl. Unfortunately, some people are not equipped to be emotionally supportive. You have overcome so much and found love. Congratulations! Don't wait for your happiness to start. Plan a wedding, invite your family and celebrate with those that come. You have a right to be happy and don't let others affect that.

So sorry for your loss! So happy for your sobriety! Keep it up!!! I would say just do what you need to do for you and your future husband. That's who the day is supposed to be about and not everyone will meet our fairy tale expectations trust me!

I am really sorry for the loss of your baby. That is a pain that no one should have to know.

Family dynamics are very difficult to manage sometimes, especially around weddings. I think your best action would be to plan your wedding without involving them or expecting them in any capacity. You may find it helpful to talk to a counselor about your feelings. I also have a love hate relationship with my family, and most of the time I end up disappointed and hurt. Over the years, I have learned (with the help of therapy) to focus on myself, my choices, my life, my reactions, and leave what they do or don't do, out of how I feel or how I live my life. Its easier said than done. But try to seek counseling, and work on letting your expectations go.

As a parent, I can see where yours might be worried about your past addictions and meeting your FH in rehab. They might see your FH as a bad influence on you. I'm sure they just want you safe and healthy, and probably fear you falling back into the addiction cycle. I'm sorry for the loss of your daughter, and that you didn't get the support you needed. Having said all of that, if this is the man you want to marry and it's a healthy relationship, go for it! You're an adult and can do as you choose. Just be cautious, family & friends can sometimes see things that we're often unable to see when we're "blinded" by love. Good luck!

Let me start by saying I have 9 years clean so this is advice I'd tell my sponsees.

I don't know the whole story and a lot of the time there are deeper issues.

As PP have said maybe your family is scared it's not the best relationship for you and is choosing to detach with love. That's their choose. Just like getting married is your choose.

Do you go to meetings, have a sponsor? Work the steps? I've seen so many family relationships be mended by working the steps with a trusted sponsor. But it doesn't happen overnight. If you are insistent on getting married next month then you will just need to accept that this is the choice you are making. But you can take steps to work on your relationship with your family after the wedding. You can get that day back but hopefully you can get a better relationship.

I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. I am so in awe of anyone's strength in getting sober. The only advice I have for you is speaking to your sponsor or a counselor. It stinks that your family will not attend the wedding but like PP's stated enjoy your day with those that are there and want to share in your celebration. ((HUGS))

You can't make people come (and if you did, they wouldn't be making your day better anyways as they don't want to be there). I know it sucks, but keep planning your perfect wedding. The people who do show up will be the ones who do care about you. Those are the ones you will truly want to be there anyways.

I'd like to thank everyone for their responses you have truly helped me see things from different perspectives and have given great advice a d strength. To Charis and anyone else who has struggled with addiction and know the program I can proudly say I am working a good program. My FH and I attend AA/NA meetings daily, go to group therapy, have a home group, sponsors, have changed our people, places and things and have been active members of our congregation and attend church and celebrate recovery meetings. We have remarkably done a 360 and are very proud of ourselves and eachother, we attend marriage counseling with our Pastor and although we're very busy and our schedules are overwhelming at times I wouldn't have it any other way. I perfectly understood why our families had fear and was accepting of their initial reaction but now I'm left heartbroken and I'm upset they have decided to pick and chose when to use our past against us. Like I mentioned in the post they are around us when it's convenient for them. Using us for rides to the store, calling for advice or to just to repeat drama going on in their lives, whenever a need arises where we are needed by them we are there but now all of a sudden their fear is keeping them from celebrating our marriage. Let me say that my family has never been "normal" and I have suffered as a child and grown woman because of their wrong doings. A big part of my heart aches and craves their love regardless of the hurt inflicted because they are my family, I love them and want to do anything I possibly can to better our relationship which is why I forgave when they didn't show support personally when my daughter passed. During my active addiction and my FH as well we were never mean spirited people, never intentionally hurt anyone or subjected them to any mistreatment other than the pain of watching us slowly kill ourselves with drug and drink. I understand that can be hard as I continue to watch my friends continue down the same path and feel the pain I once inflicted on those who love me and know it hurts. But with all that said and with them continuing to ask for help and "be around" but chose to not attend our wedding I'm extremely frustrated. How do I even explain this to those who are attending when they notice no one from my family showed without breaking down and becoming upset on my big day? What do I do in the future? How can I handle this maturely and in a safe way to ensure I'm OK and not mistreated again?

I'm sorry for your loss and difficult family situation. Just remember family is not always blood. Those who love and care about you will be there. To those that ask about your biological family tell them those that are important, care about you, love you, etc. are all here and you couldn't be happier. You don't owe anyone an explanation. Celebrate the marriage to your husband. In the future continue with what's worked for you like counselling. Sometimes you have to leave hurtful relationships and care about you.

Ali, I am so sorry this. You plan the wedding of your dreams, and the people who love you and are able to be there will be.

I am sorry for this difficult situation. You should be immensely proud of yourself and FH for what the two of you have already achieved. I really hope they come around. At the end of the day, they will miss out on more if they don't attend. I urge you to make the best of this horrible situation and strive to still have a wonderful day, even if they don't attend.

I am very sorry for your loss and sorry for you being in this situation. Its tough in some instances to see if but things happen for a reason. True people's colors show when things occur out of their comfort zone. I would do your best to stay strong but PP are right, turn your energy to the people who are attending and put that force into them and the excitement you'll have on your day regardless of who is there. In my opinion, your family has shown how they feel about you and your own struggles in the past and its sad they still do even with a happy occasion. Good luck and you can do this!

Ali, I'm so proud of you for being an active member in your fellowship! I know how hard changing people, places and things can be but we both know it's a key to really getting this.

As far as how to deal with this situation maybe you should tell them that this is very special day to you and you want to celebrate it with the people you love most in the world, which would be them. If/when they decline then it's time to set some boundaries. This may be more of a mental thing for you and FH. Detaching with love. Know where you stand and sticking to that. And the best one, accept the love you deserve. Don't allow people to treat you any less than you deserve to be treated. Even if it's family.

I love my family very much but I know where I stand with them. I know I can't count on them for as much. But my NA family, they will do anything for me. The people i got clean with are my rocks. My wedding will have 60 guests and most of them are people from recovery (yay dry wedding!).

I'm so sorry you're going through all this. Sometimes it really hurts to learn who people really are. I pray that the outcome is different. Oh ya! Pray, honey! When we can't find a solution that's what we do! (I only feel safe saying that to you because you're in the program, I hope I don't offend).

And if people ask where they are on your day you can say that they weren't able to make it. Simple. No need to bring extra drama into the day. God knows people love a reason to gossip....