My fiance cheated 5 weeks b4 wedding! Help

I'm sorry hun, no one should have to deal with this. I agree with all these ladies but Catherine also has a point, tons of couples are very happy being open. You have to be really strong to handle that though and I know I never could. I say run but you're the only one who can make the choice.

Scumbag!

I would definatelt let him go. I mean was he saving the pics on the flash drive so that he can re-live the event. That's just horrible. He's definitely not ready to settle down. I would pray and ask God to reveal to me a "specific" truth.

OH MY GOODNESS! I respect that we all have our own standards, but for me, there is no way I'd ever be able to trust him again! I am quite concerned, as well, that he's really got no good explanation for what he did! He wasn't bored, just wanted one last thrill? What happens if he does, "get bored"? What happens when kids come along and he decides he's not getting enough attention? Personally, I would just doubt him for the rest of my life! Also, there is NO WAY that I would believe that he didn't sleep with her. Pictures like that are usually only precursors to the act itself. Especially ones as graphic and interactive as you described! And WHY, would he keep those pictures?! Are they a trophy of his conquest? Why is it that you are not enough for him and he needs to look elsewhere in any capacity?

***SOOOO CONT!!***

My first instinct would be to forget about him, but then more you think about it, it's not always that easy. If you really love someone it's hard to just throw that all away, so while I agree you shouldn't take him back, it's more of an easier said than done thing.

However, he didn't just cheat, he also lied. While I do agree it's irrelevant whether or not he actually had sex with her, I think it's more important that he wasn't planning on telling you (and told you this) and then with keeping the flash drive (which, I don't know him, but I don't think he actually would have thrown it out after you were married). If my FI cheated on me, if I was being totally honest, I probably would still stay with him. I really am sorry for the position you are in, and I can't imagine how hard it must be.

Love doesn't disappear overnight. What it comes down to is what you'll be happy living with. If you want to forgive, you can, it's not impossible.

There is someone out there that will treat you well. He is worth the wait. And he will NEVER put you in this position. You've already taken the hardest steps, by returning gifts, calling it off and asking for distance. Keep going girl, and don't you ever look back! Four years from now he'll have a baby with some other girl who found out two weeks after the wedding, that he cheated on her too! He sounds like a completely disrespectful, selfish and heartless man. NOT the kind that you should be stuck with for the rest of YOUR life, NOR one you should have to waste your time trying to FIX!

Move forward and don't look back, you deserve better!

But like I said, it's what you will be happy living with. It's very hard to be with someone when you keep wondering where they go at night, who there talking to on the phone, are they actually at a work meeting, etc. If you want to forgive him and start over because you love him, and believe you'll actually be happy again, there's your answer. If you don't think you'll be happy, if you're going to always be suspicious, well... you end it. A life full of suspicions will literally eat away at you, and stress, you'll be sick for the rest of your life. You don't have kids I'm assuming? It's easier to get out now and start your life over while your in the position your in, and you'll be a stronger woman. You deserve the best and deserve to be treated as such. Life is too short to be unhappy, all of the time. Again I'm sorry for your situation, I hope things work out the way you want them too.

When people are unfaithful its never just a "one time" deal and if you take him back. In my mind, it shows that its ok. I think the 1 thing you should be able to count on is being faithful otherwise ... whats all this for?

You should be glad you found out about it before you married him. Men are men. Cheaters are cheaters. Whether he slept with her or not, he still hid it. I agree with everyone... RUN!

Kate, I just wanted to say that I'm thinking about you and praying that you're able to recover from this, whatever you decide to do. I do agree with the other ladies (as does my boyfriend, he was looking over my shoulder and what shocked by what he read). I wish I was there to give you a hug

Trust is something that's REALLY hard to regain. Relationships are like a house of cards, take out trust and the whole thing falls over.

He's 43?! and still acting like a jacka$$ that's crazy, I'm sorry that you have to go through this but if you look at your life with him 5 years from now and he does this crap again you're going to be so deep in the relationship, it would be hard to get out. Now you have the "opportunity" to find someone who will respect you and love you the way you deserve! Good luck and my prayers are with you.

I know what you're going through. We are going to counseling.. idk what else you CAN do if you want to continue to make it work.

Oprah quoted someone (can't remember who) on one of her episodes one time and it has stuck with me:

"When a person shows you who they are, believe them the FIRST time"

So sorry to hear that...ugh. but he's so not worth it apparently if he's not doing anything to fix the situation.

Its a good thing you found out now and not after you got married look the dection is p to you but if i was you i would throw that ring at him and never look back b/c he doesn't really love you if he would do what he did and then keep the pics. and yes once a cheater always i cheater i belive that very much but no one but yourself can tell you what to do

Hope ya don't mind but I told FS about your situation & asked his opinion on the matter. He completely agrees with the majority of everything that has been advised to you... turn around & leave. He said to me:

"You are all I need, want & touch. The fact that he said the word fling is all wrong, it's stupid & he's an idiot. I would hope you would leave me if I ever did that to you. I'd leave you if you did that to me."

Again, I'm so sorry to hear about what this child has done. He's not worth your time & he's not worthy of you! :-/

The simple fact- which you appear to already know- is that you need to leave and here is the tough part.... STAY AWAY!!

all too often women are pulled back in for any number of reasons but you have to resist.

be strong!

Actions speak louder than words as they say. u said yourself he hasnt made any efforts. that tells you what to do. nothing. people make mistakes but if hes not doing anything then why should you be spending time how to figure this out. i understand your hurt and you want him to make an effort and fix things so that you can still be together possibly but unless he does something without you having to force him or tell him how to fix it...he doesnt want to fix it or thinks its not worth it. i mean even his explanation of why he did what he did was totally in disregard of your feelings. so sorry this has happened to you. i hope he turns around and makes an attempt but if he doesnt. his loss. dont do anything! he has the work to do.

If you have to compromise what you believe in to stay with someone, than you are better off alone. While others have suggested to stay and just change who you are, I say the opposite. Stand up for what you believe in, that you are worthy to be someone's only. If you two disagree about what constitutes cheating, you will most definitely disagree everything that will harm your marriage. Be strong. You deserve a man that doesn't want another.