My fiancé hates my father

That's rough. It's pretty hard to get through some elders because they're just so stuck in their ways of growing up but that was still rude of him to say. As long as you guys focus on you, you can get through anything. It's a blessing that your father still agrees to pay for your entire wedding. I personally haven't gone through that. I mean pretty much my entire family despised my ex-husband but not because of a career related issue. Your FH has nothing to prove and I hope your father comes around.

I can say that when my dad hated my ex fiance, it was because he saw through him to some major character flaws.

Has your dad been explicit about it being the financial issue, or does he hedge about it and then use that?

I think you need to sit them both down and have a talk. They are going to be related, after all, and if you want to have a relationship with BOTH of them, they are going to have to at least learn to be cordial to each other.

Hate is strong language. My FFIL, does not support or agree with my FH’s choices. FH is a below knee amputee and his family think he should be on permanent disability, that he’s paid his dues and should expect the government to take care of him. This is not my FH’s work ethic at all, even when we’re having issues with his current prosthetic. No family member is going to see eye to eye with you on everything. But there’s also no room in a family for hate. Your father obviously supports the relationship enough to be willing to pay, so why the hate? I know everyone is different, but I couldn’t marry someone who hated anyone in my family.

I'm so sorry. It definitely sucks when two people you love don't get along. I can understand your dad's frustration. A man does not need to make more than his woman buuuutttt each person regardless of sex needs to be able to financially support themselves. For all I know, maybe your FH can..... But many ppl view a pizza delivery person as not making enough to afford their own car AND apartment AND utility bills AND groceries AND have extra money for disposable expenses. If I were your dad, I would be concerned too, whether you were my son or my daughter. Still, your dad must respect your choices and be cordial to your significant other. If your FH is set on not taking any money from your dad then I recommend you respect his wishes.

Also, in my experience, if your FH is sooo bothered by your dad not 100 percent suppirting your relationship, I suspect it's bc he knows your dad is in the right to be concerned. If one is secure and knows he or she is doing everything they are supposed to be doing then one will not care if in laws dont 100 percent support the relationship. They will just care that everyone is being respectful and cordial.

Hmmmm...truthfully it is okay for a woman to take care of the household but in the long run it might get frustrating. I think your father wants someone at your level because I think when our parents leave this earth they want to make sure their kids are taken care of. Also, I think it is a male thing. You and your FH may be okay for your financial situation but I am sure to an extent he may feel bad that your father does not really think high of him. That is something they need to both work out. Honestly honey not all in laws love their sons or daughters in law and it is nothing you can rush. Either way your husband needs to respect your dad will be apart of your life. Sorry if I sound harsh but I just wanted to be honest.

The fact that your father is willing to foot the bill for an entire wedding that he doesn’t support leads me to believe that maybe you are a daddy‘s girl? If that is the case, your father is likely very protective of you, and just wants to make sure you end up with a person who will take care of you at the same level he has all these years. Daddies who adore their daughters always want them to be happy and provided for. Most likely he is drawing on his own knowledge and experiences with marriage and is afraid that these things that don’t bother you now will become huge issues in your marriage down the road. I know what he’s saying seems harsh right now, but I truly believe your father has your best interest and your future happiness in mind. Unfortunately, I don’t think there’s much you can say to ease his mind at this point in time. I would just be conscious of not being defensive about the situation, telling your father that you love him and appreciate him looking out for you, but you love your fiancé and he truly makes you happy. Then it is up to the two of you to prove to him that you have what it takes to create a happy, fulfilling, lasting marriage. In the end, that is probably all he wants.

A few thoughts on this. Unless your dad has done something terrible to your FH, it's really inappropriate for FH to "hate" your father. This seems like a bigger issue to me, honestly. If your dad doesn't like him or approve of his job, your FH should care to build respect and a relationship with your dad rather than be dismissive of him. Sounds like the fiance is the issue here. And not there this is anything wrong with delivering pizzas - everyone has different career goals - but depending on your lifestyle/community/education, I could also understand why your dad would want your FH to want a more challenging career to help provide for your family.

It must be very hard for you to be caught in the middle of two men who mean the world to you. Your dad loves you unconditionally and wants the best for you. I'm sure he's proud of the fact that you're a successful business owner. You must be very ambitious and driven to do that. Maybe your dad thinks your FH isn't driven and ambitious and is afraid that might become a issue between you in the future. And if it does and you end up divorced maybe he's worried that he'll try to take the business or at least its profits from you.


Everyone goes into their marriage thinking things will easy be rosy and wonderful but life happens and you can't predict what'll happen. Suppose you have to close your business. How long will you be able to live on what hubby makes? I'm not saying he needs to make more than you and take care of you, but you both should be able to take care of each other. A 35 year old man who delivers pizza for a living is a red flag. It's fine if he's doing that while looking for something else but not as a career.
Regardless, your FH and dad need to work things out and at least come to a mutual respect for each other or you're in for a lifetime of misery dealing with them and their issues.
Good luck!!

Your dad probably thinks your fiance is immature, and based on this post, I agree with him.

The point here isn't that you make more or are the sole provider. Your fiance isn't in a career that just happens to not pay especially well, like social work or teaching kindergarten. He just doesn't have a career...at 35. Why not? Does he have ambition? To do what?

The fact that your fiance "hates" your dad for expecting him to have a career says waaaaay more about your fiance than your dad.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. Your dad is trying to look out for you and your fiance seems immature.

Because you titled your post, "My fiancé hates my father" instead of "My father doesn't like/approve of my fiancé" it makes me feel that the bigger problem is your fiancé's attitude. You can't change anyone's feelings but you should be able to discuss this hatred with your fiancé and try to get him to see that this divide between two people you love is hurting you. I would maybe try to get him to do some self reflection to see if the hate is because he himself isn't confident about his job or his life choices.

If your fiancé and you are both completely fine with his choice of work and feel that your father's feelings are unfounded, then there's really nothing to do other than thank your father for offering to pay for the wedding but tell him you will pay for it yourselves. Hopefully, gradually, in the years to come, your father will begin to see your spouse as you do. Having your fiancé step up and contribute to paying for his own wedding will be a great start on that road.

Counseling session?