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Just Said Yes September 2017

My fiancé is having doubts

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Abbigail, on February 8, 2017 at 11:33 PM

My FI and I have been together for 3 yrs, and we're best friends for 3 before. After living together 1 yr and 2 yrs of dating he decided to buy a house. We talked about marriage and had no need to rush it. He proposed to me when we got our house, I was shocked and said yes immediately. It's been a 1.5 yr, and we make a good team in our house. Getting married in 7 mo, and he told me he doesn't know if he wants to marry me anymore. That he loves me but feels it's too soon. I'm so confused and heartbroken. It was his idea to get engaged and before he wanted to get married sooner. I have deposits down and dress appointments, he doesn't know if he wants to keep the date, but says he loves me and wants to be with me. Is this normal? I think he feels better after having talked but I feel sick to my stomach and don't know how to handle it. We talked for 2 hours and I think we made progress but I'm so scared. Any advice is appreciated.

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29 Comments

Super May 2017
SoonToBe Mrs. Green · on February 10, 2017 at 6:31 PM
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Counseling
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Just Said Yes July 2017
Rebekah · on February 10, 2017 at 6:33 PM
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Lindsey, thanks for letting me know! That's my bad I am new to wedding wire- I always try to offer help to those in need.
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Celia Milton · on February 10, 2017 at 6:58 PM
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As everyone has said, counseling for sure. You both have to be able to separate jitters from real anxiety over it. No one's path is the same; I've married people who have been together for a year and people who have been together for 17 years. It has to be the right time and the right level of desire for commitment for both of you.

Good luck!
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Devoted June 2017
Kirsten · on February 10, 2017 at 6:58 PM
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Definitely agree with the counseling! Also, maybe he's more nervous about the actual wedding than marrying you? Planning can be stressful, maybe you need to rethink the actual wedding event more so than your upcoming marriage.
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Super August 2017
Leeann · on February 14, 2017 at 5:33 PM
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Agree with the counseling. Also, check your rights with respect to the house. In one sentence you said he bought it, but then you refer to it as "our house". Is the mortgage in his name only? Have you been contributing to the mortgage?
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VIP June 2017
Z_Runner · on February 14, 2017 at 7:18 PM
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I just called in an emergency counseling session. We've been together for 10, living together for 7. We are having issues after he proposed, we are not intimate anymore and I'm the one w the cold feet. I'm afraid that we are having the show to then get a divorce. Our counselor help us hear each other. Counseling helps! Good luck!
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Rachel DellaPorte · on February 14, 2017 at 7:23 PM
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So, committing to a bank for three decades is something he was willing to do, but following through on his proposal of marriage is something he doesn't want to do?

Red flags. He wouldn't think of breaking his commitment to his bank, but he thinks it's okay to break his commitment to you? You have a right to move on if you're being asked to hang around until he's ready to honor his commitment.

I couldn't stay with him, because the insult and shock would be stronger than any love we shared. However, it's not my life.
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VIP March 2017
mrsanda · on February 14, 2017 at 7:32 PM
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This is not logical. I'm sorry this is happening to you.
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Expert June 2017
Isheefishee · on February 14, 2017 at 7:41 PM
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I wonder about his experiences with marriage. Are his friends all divorced or single? Are his parents married? FH has never seen a marriage be successful before and had a very nasty divorce, so getting married was a fear for him. It was a casual conversation for several months between us, about whether it was the right thing for us, and he started therapy. Out of the blue he started asking me about dates and venues and plans haha he was just ready. He officially proposed a month later. Keep the conversation lines open
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