My Fiancé Won’t Tell His Ex We’re Engaged

I would be doing the same thing. Problem with that though is it could end your relationship for being too pushy. Try to explain how it makes you feel and go from there. Good luck

View Quoted Comment We had the talk about the importance of me building a relationship with his daughter, especially since we’re engaged but he feels like we should respect his ex and what she wants. So I don’t know how I’m supposed to go about things. I definitely can’t plan a wedding without having a basic relationship with my future stepdaughter.

No that is absolutely disrespectful how dare he put her feelings and wishes over yours? You definitely need to get to the bottom of that situation... My FH Has a daughter and after 2 months of us dating I met her for the first time when her mom found out that we we're together officially she started to keep her away from him saying she didn't want her child around me until she met with me so he said okay let's meet right now at the park she was speechless but he put his foot down and showed her that I am will forever be his lady and either she lives with it or she doesn't...

View Quoted Comment She’s clearly the vindictive type and he’s afraid of the typical baby mama drama but it’s completely unfair for me because I have to put my wedding aside until she feels ready to move on.

I'm not saying to be pushy but you definitely need to explain how you feel about having a relationship with his child... It is rough when you feel like you have no support in situations like that and that is a time when you need him the most!!! I'm just saying my FH ex did everything she could possibly do to break us up an keep us separated but it didn't work because he loves me and he would always have my back when she had an issue!!!

Pray an ask for guidance through this...Good luck😍

I Know her kind all to well smh...

View Quoted Comment I don’t know how to keep expressing myself without seeming pushy lol and he doesn’t want his daughter to hate him once his baby mama starts having a fit.

Are you planning on doing premarital counciling sessions? This relationship with his daughter and his ex are important to sort through before spending money on venues and planning. I would think he would have wanted you to have a relationship with his daughter before being proposing.

Maybe you can have outings with the daughter or something small at first.

I would encourage focusing on that the next few months and planning the wedding once that's resolved.

I don’t think you’re being insensitive or disrespectful, but I do think this is a sensitive topic that might be out of your control. It seems like his ex is having separation issues with the breakup, grandma’s passing, and now the possibly of her daughter gaining another mom. it’s possible that your FH is scared of the consequences might come by telling his ex and/or her family that you two are engaged. Sorry I can’t really give you advices. I would like to side with the person that mentioned a pre-martial counselor. They’re professionals and you’ll probably need to see one for this situation. Best of luck!

I’m sorry but as someone who shared custody of a child, this makes no sense to me. If your FH really wanted you to spend time with his child and get to know her, you would be doing that. His ex can have an opinion about her daughter’s feelings and about you, but if he has a court order that allows a schedule with visitation and he shares legal or physical custody, he’s also entitled to an opinion. Does he not see his daughter? If he does see her, why isn’t he making time for you to spend time together as a unit with her? I highly suggest premarital counseling because I don’t think this situation is as black and white as you’re making it sound when it comes to blaming the ex instead of your FH.

This would stress me out! It's their daughter! Not just hers. If he wants it to work, he needs to compromise and start making arrangements for your new family. His reaction and way he is handling this can be an indicator of how he chooses to handle stressful situations. Isn't it worse if baby mama finds out from someone else instead of from him? So tricky. Congratulations and good luck on your special day!

This is not acceptable. His ex doesn't get to decide that he can only see his daughter without you. How old is the child?

Yes, her situation from last year is traumatic, but using that as an excuse to keep him from moving on isn't ok. Like Sarah said, if he has visitation or shared custody, she can't control the situation and she is using grandma dying as her way to guilt him into not moving on.

View Quoted Comment Thank god you said this. All the red flags popped up with OP.
My fiancé and I are both single parents. Spending time with each other’s child was an extremely part of building the foundation of our Relationship.

You have a lot of time until the wedding so I may sit on this for a while. It may or may not be the ex trying to be vindictive, but if you push the issue, she might get hostile and cause problems for your FS. The most important person here is the daughter and I've seen women withhold visitation and all sorts of nasty things.

I would make a compromise. Tell him you want to give him and her a few months to settle things. Have him maybe warm her up to the idea slowly. But tell him it's also important to you that you get to know his daughter and you want to do that well in advance before the wedding.

I'd also recommend a counselor. They really do work wonders.

How long have you been together to have only seen her twice before he proposed?? I wouldn’t marry anyone unless they got along well and cared for my son. FH and my son have an amazing relationship, that was important to me, that they build that bond. It was a while before I introduced them, but still, FH needed to build that bond/relationship with my son, if we are to be a family. I wouldn’t have said yes to someone that won’t be around my child, or wouldn’t introduce me to theirs. It’s extremely odd.

Like Sarah said, she’s not the only one keeping his daughter from you, your FH is to, and I’d be asking why...

Nope, nope, and nope. SO.MUCH.NOPE

FH and I both have a child from previous relationship. For the first two years his ex acted completely immature and irrational about our relationship and me being around their son. The whole thing was beyond stressful and miserable; I still shudder when I think about dealing with it so this post strikes a massive cord for me.

First and foremost - I can’t possibly understand how your relationship even has reached the point of deciding on forever when you have no relationship with his child. I apologize if this seems judgemental of your relationship because I obviously don’t even know you, but it sounds absurd to me that he’s ready to marry you but not ready to have his child in your life or honor your feelings over than his exes. Is this a new breakup for them?

As as a pp mentioned, I am without a doubt certain this has nothing to do with the well being of their daughter and EVERYTHING to do with the ex’s jealousy and fear of your fiancé moving on with his life.

I’m sorry you are dealing with this but my best advice to you is to NOT be okay with it. You will be setting a standard that says you’re okay with your feelings coming second to that of the ex and that will create problems your entire marriage seeing as she is always going be a part of your lives. If this was actually about the child I would have a different opinion, but also would tell you that if his daughter truly is that emotionally damaged right now that your presence in his life will escalate that... then he isn’t in a place to even be in a relationship.

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Kids grow up and see who the real problem is my Stepdaughter loves me and she loves coming over for the weekend she calls and says please pick me up. I have a daughter that is the same age as her they are both 10 and they consider themselves sisters. In 6 years i just had a little conversation with her mom at her last birthday party and it was because i was the bigger person and said hello and how are you and complimented her new haircut. Everyone at the party was like OMG we didn't know what would happen (because she really hates me) but thankfully it went well. Seek God and counseling relationship can be very tricky but when there is kids involved its even trickier because if he doesn't want you to have a relationship with his daughter whats going to happen when you get married an have children what about the kids they wont be able to be around each other?

My FHs ex wife tried to turn his kids against him when he told her that we were engaged. Frankly, we are still involved in a legal battle as a result that is set to end at the end of this month. The bottom line is this, he needs to tell her because she has to help prepare the child for this life change. If she becomes vindictive, you all will have to take her to court. Its not ok that his mother doesn't know. The mother of his children needs to separate her feelings from the child's. Unfortunately, I know this all too well even with being honest from the very beginning. You and he need to come to understanding or you need to not set a date and move forward with wedding planning. That's pretty much it.

I think you're not placing blame in the right place. It shocks me that your FH proposed after you only met his daughter twice. Does he not plan on your ever having a relationship with her? Is that not important to him?