My Fiancé Won’t Tell His Ex We’re Getting Married.

Is there a reason why you guys chose to handle telling the kids separately and not talking all together as a family?

View Quoted Comment Let me clear somethings up.
1. I am not a man. Dave is my last name.
2. My soon-to-be stepson (who is also high functioning autistic person) and his mother knew we were engaged. The actually wedding event was the surprise for him. In our home, I am the only woman. Wedding planning and discussions go in and out of everyone’s ears who aren’t involved in the planning, especially men. My son didn’t keep anything from him. They just don’t care to talk about wedding stuff. 12 year olds play video games all day, not discuss details about weddings. We tell them we’re getting married, they shrug it off after the initial excitement and go back to Roblox. Especially considering how long it takes to plan a wedding.3. After discussing this with my FH, his reason for not giving his EX the actual wedding details were reasonable. He acknowledged he was wrong for it as well and even started crying. He spent the first 4 years of his sons life fighting her in court to be a part of his life, to get his name on the BC, and to have him over his home without her hovering. To give you context, she changed her name right before birth and gave her child a completely different name than his blood line (on her side and his side). She attempted to run away with his child, gave birth in another state, all because he stated wasn’t ready for marriage. He was afraid that the news of our nuptials would bring back all that trauma and trigger her to do vindictive things like not allow her son to come to our wedding at all. Hence, why he told them it was a “vacation.” 4. When you love someone, negative things come along with that too. You’re supposed to communicate and work through it. We both have therapists (required for our line of work). Couples therapy is helpful but it’s not a “couple” problem. Avoiding confrontations and not setting boundaries is a personal issue, that’s something he has to work through on his own. So for you all saying call the wedding off, I believe that is too drastic a measure for this. 5. Also, for those of you who have children from strained previous relationships, you know how hard it is to parent a child when the other parent is not a positive person. They use the child as a pawn and use a small situation as a means to make the other parent look bad instead of assisting in supporting the children emotionally. So sometimes no matter how you try to navigate to spare the child’s emotional stress, it’s going to happen some way or another.

View Quoted Comment You hit the nail right on the head. I actually gave a long updated explanation about what happened after my initial post. Check it out. Thanks for being positive and open minded.

View Quoted Comment They know we are engaged since last year. It’s the actual wedding he didn’t know about.

View Quoted Comment No he didn’t say anything because it didn’t want it to get back to his sons mother. They were both aware of the engagement. Just not the wedding details because his mom would find a reason to prevent them from going. She has already prevent him from going on previous family vacations. Read above for the updated breakdown.

View Quoted Comment No I’m not a male. Read above for the update.

View Quoted Comment You’re very welcome. I try to give honest responses. People can be so quick to jump to the negative when sometimes things aren’t that deep, but could’ve simply been handled better. Sending love. ❤️

View Quoted Comment Facts. Facts. Facts. Thank you for sharing and the breakdown. Makes complete sense, trust me I’m far too familiar with the “baby momma from h*ll” scenarios. Sending love and good vibes to you babe! 💗

View Quoted Comment Thank you for the clarification, and you’re absolutely correct. Giving details & backstory is essential when asking for advice otherwise the feedback will be based solely on the information given. Having said that, the ex sounds awful and he is right not to tell her. His son’s reaction is normal, and hopefully the ex doesn’t go out of her way to cause further stress on him. Best of luck on your wedding day!