Good morning. First, I'd like to thank all of you who share your bridal joys, woes, and priorities on this forum. I cannot say I am a sentimental or traditional bride, but your perspectives help me try to personalize my wedding. But, now I find myself in a situation where I'm livid.
Let me set the scene: my FH 4-person immediate family is not that close. But, for Mother's day 5 days ago, we traveled to his parents house in North Philly (we are in NYC, FSIL & her husband from VA). We told them we were pregnant with their first grandchild, and the dad actually said "see you in November".
So yesterday, my FH was going to Philly to help with their Cable. I told my FH to tell his mother that the bridal shower will be in Chicago (my side) and most likely will be in August. He tells me she said she wouldn't travel (from Philly) and that we also shouldn't bother with the Chinese tea ceremony. The tea ceremony is a short cultural ceremony (his culture) where parents and elders give their blessings and then drape the bride in gold jewelry. I'm not looking for fancy, but these items I would continue passing down in my lineage, and in general the custom is awesome. So in short, it looks like my FMIL and maybe my FSIL (in VA) will not take part in any bridal or baby showers. I know the family likes me. But, I don't understand because my FSIL got married in a cocktail wedding 2 years ago. Ultimately, it just looks like haphazard negligence.
But, it will look different to my family that is close. My family and friends are all flying into NY for our Nov wedding in which I'll be 8 months pregnant. They are older, and my mom has a condition so travel is not easy but they are willing to mentally, financially, and physically prepare. So if no one in my FH's 50-person (mostly local) extended family shows up to any events, except for the day of the wedding, there will be hell. I'm bringing hell right now.
People know about bridal showers. People know about baby showers. I don't care about gifts, but I do want to have LADIES PARTIES, and a Jack 'n Jill if there's time. I'm already canceling a rehearsal dinner and post-wedding dim sum because my pregnant body may not keep up.
I told my FH the steps to fix it, or I will cancel the wedding. I wanted to have a mini-wedding in Vegas velvet. My priorities were my man, our parents, and now my baby. I was even willing to give up the Church ceremony. But, we went with my FH's vision. He wants his extended family and friends in a City black-tie, band-playing, cocktail station-rich gala. Now, I and my family are paying for the wedding. My FH did not save for our wedding despite living together, but says he can find 20K, so in sum the overall wedding budget is bigger. But, hell no I'm not paying for people that don't give a damn about me. Now I'm getting heated again and sweating with this new "all-natural" deodorant (lol). Yah, he has to fix this quick before I lay down any more deposits.
I tell my FH if he wants to include his family in our future where we can rely on them, it takes steps. You have to teach people and guide them. They had 44 years like this. sigh
Thanks for reading!
