My "future kids"

I saw a thing where everytime someone mentioned kids to a couple, they held out a jar and charged $1 and eventually people stopped mentioning it.

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That's a great idea!

Totally on the same boat as you

i get asked all the time when are we having kids, do we have kids yet, are we planning soon? etc

and then when i say i want to wait they just ask like... why?

that's the beat of my own life ok lol like everyone has different timelines or different goals and ideas for their own lives so sometimes people just find it strange when it's not something they'd do.

People won't stop until you set boundaries and stick to them. "We won't be having children and if you try to talk about this again, I'll be hanging up/leaving/asking you to leave" and then you follow through.


People have comments for everything. We have children and people still comment on when we'll be "trying for a boy" since we have two girls (one from my first marriage and one with my current husband).

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I hang up on a certain family member all the time because of this. The issue is that my boundaries don't matter to some people. I think a money jar would help because even though it's only a dollar, bringing money into the discussion will make them reconsider.

Sorry people say that to you. I'm sure it's infuriating.

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I think it's so creepy that people ask about that. Like you said, it's your life and your business.

I am genuinely sorry to have to report that this obnoxious behavior continues until you are in your 40s. It slows down some, but really never stops. Start practicing ignoring them, ending the conversation, changing the subject...whatever you have to do to get away from the topic. Don't both explaining your reasoning because most people simply don't care. They know they are "right" and that's that.

Once, when I was in my mid-20s, I encountered someone who was so adamant that I would change my mind that I bet them $100 I wouldn't change my mind before I turned 40. Sadly, I am past 40 and they never paid up. But it was a good way to end that conversation and I wish I had bet more people!

I heard a story about a friend of a friend who looked someone straight in the eye and said she was struggling with infertility, they were paying thousands of dollars for treatments, and that the person asking was being inconsiderate and cruel by bringing up such a private topic. None of it was true, but I think the shock and embarrassment of the whole thing ended the conversation.

I totally get it. Getting married in October. Have already been asked a bunch. Luckily not by our immediate family but plenty of others. We’re traveling full time for a few years and have no plans on kids until we’re done so I just say not right now 🤷🏻‍♀️

I also understand. I DO want kids, but it's still an uncomfortably personal question to ask - do they want me to go into details of when/if we plan to start trying, what day I'm up to in my cycle, and how often we do it? I thought it would ramp up after we got married, but if it makes you feel better, the worst part was in the last 4-6 months before our marriage. One party we went to I was asked six times whether we planned to have kids. Guess how many times my now-husband was asked? That's right - ZERO times.

I told everyone that yes, we'd love kids, but I'm 37 this year and we have to be realistic that it might not happen for us. In which case... we'll be going on a lot of fancy overseas holidays and buying a dog. Our nieces and nephews, plus our children's kids, will have to be enough.

Being as blunt as that did make people uncomfortable, as they should be, frankly.

Since we've been married it's calmed down a bit, but we're getting a lot of "how is married life, has anything changed lately?" type comments, paired with a meaningful look which seem to imply "ARE YOU PREGNANT YET?" but we just ignore the subtext.

I don't understand why people think this is appropriate. You might be asking someone adamantly child free, like you, or someone who is struggling with infertility. Just don't ask!

View Quoted Comment Ha ha ha. That’s awesome!!!

Most normal people will stop if you keep ignoring them/changing the subject when they talk about it ...

My fiancé and I were 'verbally harassed' by both families, especially my parents and my 'best aunt' because we 'only' got engaged 7 years in. They think it's too long...

So they started bringing the subject as soon as 2.5 years in and after a year of "We don't know yet but we'll let you know as soon as we have news to share", we decided to just ignore with a little smile and they eventually got the hint. Sure: It's frustrating to the point you might consider being rude to shut them down for good... but ignorance is the best answer in my book... since it frustrates them as much as their questions do frustrate you and you groom.

No one has ever asked me this because I was VEHEMENTLY against having kids when I was a teenager, and while I changed my mind, I never told my family (maybe that’s weird lol but I’m a private person). However if anyone does start asking when, I’m planning to give some silly precise date like 40 years in the future and hope my sarcasm gets the point across and shuts down future inquiries 😄

It blows my mind that people are already asking FH and I when we are having kids. Like can we get married first??? Can we be excited for this season of life before you rush us into the next? We don't even know if we want kids. It's super frustrating and I totally get where you are coming from.