A little background: My FH and I have been together for 8 years - we are 26 and newly engaged. He has a huge family we see all of the time (they all live in one town, close to where we live). I have a small family scattered across the country and we mainly only all get together for weddings. We each have three siblings. His twin is married, and his two younger siblings are 16 and 12, so no spouses. All 3 of my older siblings are married or on the way.
For my bridal party, I chose my older sister, my FH's 16yo sister who I am very close with, and my best friend. For his groomsman's party, he chose his twin, his 12yo brother, and his best friend. He's considering a few other people mostly because they seem to expect that they're automatically in the party already. I don't care in the slightest about symmetry, I'm quite happy with my trio. I told him he can have anyone he wants, as many as he wants.
We visited my FH's family for a week over Christmas and his mother got on my case about inviting my FH's twin's wife to be in my wedding party. She went on and on for about an hour. She said it was expected, because I was in her wedding. She said it would cause a "rift" and things would be awkward between us forever. She said my FH would like to add some people to his side, so I should too.
I told her I didn't care and stood my ground. I'm not close to the twin's wife. We've never spoken on the phone. Even if I were to expand my party, she wouldn't be my first choice. She didn't congratulate me when I got engaged. I'm lucky if she says "hello" when we're in the same place. We hardly speak to one another and we've known each other for 8 years.
On one hand, I think my FH's mom doesn't see things from my perspective; a shared family trait of only thinking of her own family and pretending I don't have one because she's never seen them. On the other hand, I don't want to cause friction. Should I include someone just to be 'polite' and 'political'? Should I do it because it's 'right' (is it right)? Am I being too stubborn and petty? Should I just do what she wants so she'll shut up?
