My future mother in law is trying to control the wedding planning

Sorry for the long post. I recently got engaged and we’ve only just begun discussing wedding planning. No decisions made. Not discussing of budget or dates yet. Just talking out loud of possibilities and thinks I want. Ever since I was a little girl I have always dreamed of having a destination wedding. Over the years, I have traveled abroad several times. I have also been a bridesmaid 6 Times. 1 destination wedding (at Disney) which was the best wedding I have ever been to and 5 local home town diy backyard weddings. Out of all the weddings I have been in and attended I’ve learned over the years what I like and don’t like. My future husband has been to a couple weddings and only been in 1. Keep in mind the wedding he was in all he did was get his tux and showed up to the grooms suite. Where the guys drank and played video games. That is his wedding duties experience this far. For me, my dream wedding would be a small, intimate destination wedding. With my close family and friends. Something more of a weekend celebration over a couple of days. Rather than spending the week stressed out over decorating, organizing, and freaking out if everything is the way I want it and having a huge guest list. I want to show up to a gorgeous location. Get ready with my girls and marry the man of my dreams. I don’t want to worry about a damn thing. I don’t want to be decorating all day before the rehearsal dinner, doing stuff the morning of, corralling guests, and groomsmen, or handing vendors. Ect. I don’t want to be so stressed out that I get sick and can’t enjoy anything. Yes I understand I could hire a wedding planner. But my fear of having a wedding at home is that the guest list will never end. My future husband and I really like the idea of going to Italy and doing something small there. His fathers mother was originally from Italy so we have ties and they still have family there. His parents were even talking about going on our annual family vacation there. I also have family in England but they are so wonderful and supportive they have already told me they will be there no matter where it is. Once we got engaged and shared that this might be something we’d like to do we have only gotten negative feedback. The constant “no one will go” is all they tell us. “Why the heck would you want to do that is all I’ve heard.” “his mother told me his dad won’t even go, and that his brothers won’t go”. His dad even told me that his boss’s daughter is getting married in Italy and not a lot of people are going. His boss offered to pay for him to go so guests would be there and his dad said you couldn’t pay me to go. Apparently it’s a the either he doesn’t want to sit on a plane for 7 hours (no fear of flying cus he flys for business but he simply has no desire togo any where that doesn’t involve bear hunting or hunting shows.) his mother also said, “you’d have a wedding without his dad there, really?” I had to tell her I would really like him to be there where ever it is but i guess at the end of the day the person I need there most is her son. Now money isn’t the factor here. Mind you there family is very well off. They have much more money than my parents will ever see. My dad has saved money his entire life for my wedding and I’m his only child. My fiancés family have yet to offer to pay for anything. I threw my future husband a surprise birthday party right before we got engaged. I thought it would be nice to include his mom in the planning. She offered to help split costs, which she made some food in a crock pot, then never paid for anything else. She also told me that there are relatives in their family that will not go to a wedding in the home town I grew up in as she says “45 minutes is way too far of a drive,” if I had decided to do it locally. She then proceeded to tell me that I should look at a list of places she named off in her area that she thinks is nice. When I threw the idea of doing it at Disney out there, she said “that might be nice cus they do everything for you there, it’s kid friendly, and it’s only 1 hour flight. She especially liked the idea when I said sometime in winter. We live in cold snowy New York. I did tell her I was so excited when we got engaged and now our families on both sides (none like traveling) like my parents don’t go on vacation at all unless it’s for a relatives wedding just keep telling “us no one will go.” After talking with my parents and telling them that I’m just so disappointed that I feel like I am having to make my wedding about everyone else’s needs or wants. They became more understanding and our much more supportive in what I envision. I am being realistic though. I know if a destination wedding is something my parents can’t afford I’m not going to be some bridezilla and make them do that. I know not everyone will come to a destination wedding. I just feel like his mother and father are being pretty manipulative and controlling. They invited over 350 people to their own wedding. It sounds like it www a huge drunk fest 80s style Rolling Stones at Madison square gardens type of Raber. They think that we need to invite literally every person we’ve ever met. I’ve explained I don’t want to spend my wedding night going around thanking a bunch of strangers. I want to spend it with the people I love and care about, and the people who love us and want to celebrate us. How do I get what I want, well still making his mother feel included in planning? Without her trying to control or dictate everything. How can I ensure his father will come to our wedding if we decide to do a destination wedding? Please help! How do I deal with her after we get married and have kids? Any book suggestions? Thanks. Sincerely, defeated bride trying to please everyone else.