My husband doesn't want a wedding

The ceremony often is being done after a civil marriage. Many couples do this for tax or insurance reasons. In many ways, the wedding in front of an officiant really is the more formal wedding -- it can be seen more as being done in the eyes of God rather than just the court. You can also do the ceremony as an anniversary celebration or confirmation of vows before your family and friends. Tell him to do it not just for you but for the both of you and for the broader family.

The courthouse is a wedding. A celebration afterwards is a renewal of vows. Your feelings are valid and so are his. Respect his wishes and revisit the idea for a 10th or 25th anniversary renewal of vows. If you push the idea now when he has expressed that he is not interested, you will only create a wedge of resentment instead of happiness. Focus on the marriage you have now.

Rather than trying to convince him to have a “wedding” after you are already married, maybe approach the subject as a renewal of vows in front of your closest family and friends. And then maybe bring up the aspects of a wedding that you know he will enjoy. For example, if he hasn’t seen certain friends for a long time, maybe you could mention how great it would be for those people to attend and him to have the chance to catch up with them. Or, if he really loves having cocktails with friends, you could mention having an open bar. Or if he’s really into music, getting a live band, DJ… whatever he’s into. Broaching the subject in a way that’s appealing to him may help him to see what a fun time it could be!

If he's only doing it for you is that really a problem? Why does he have to be as invested in it as you are in order for you to still do something you desire? My husband and I do many things for each other that we don't particularly care about, but we care about making the other person happy. If he's willing to do it for you without making you miserable about it then I would still move forward with it and not worry. Sometimes it's ok for your partner to not be 100% thrilled about all the same things you are. Odds are even during a wedding planning process where you hadn't gone to the courthouse first you would be in situations where one of you wasn't super excited about every decision.

Obviously every couple is different and weddings are a huge investment, especially for someone who doesn’t want one, but it sounds like he’s not actually saying no, just that he’s only willing to do it for you. I would keep talking to him about why you’re invested in doing an actual ceremony and celebrating with your loved ones and digging into why he’s opposed to one. Maybe he has a good reason. And I second the vow renewal, since that’s technically what this would be. But for me personally, I was VERY opposed to having a wedding, but my FH expressed how important it would be to him and his family to do one. I agreed because of how much it meant to him, and then we found a venue I am really excited about and started picturing how awesome this could all be. Now I’m obsessed with this website and think that wedding planning is the most fun thing I’ve ever done, and we’ve fallen into the stereotypical ultra planning bride, just tell me the date and time groom haha. So if you do decide to move forward with one, he might get more excited about it than he expects!

You're absolutely not stupid for wanting a ceremony. It's most women's dream to have a ceremony with flowers and a dress. Try to articulate your desire with your husband. Maybe you can compromise with a beautiful reception where you csn still feel and look like a bride. I hope it all works out for you.