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My husband is driving me crazy over my daughters wedding

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Heather, on March 25, 2021 at 4:28 PM

First let me say that my daughter is getting married and her dad is no help. My husband her step-dad has Always been supportive financially to both my children and loves them like his own. He just can't grasp the cost of a wedding. He thinks it's ridiculous. He does not say that to her but expresses it to me. I agree weddings can be stupid expensive. We are at an expense of under $9000 for venue, reception, food, photography EVERYTHING for 150 guest!! That is cheap for a wedding and my daughter is very conscious of expenses and looks for any bargains we can get. We are not broke and could afford more so it isn't putting us in a financial strain. He has 2 daughters and is convinced they won't spend this much on a wedding. Maybe.. Maybe not that is still yet to be determined.. However, They are different from my daughter I want this day to be special for her and what she wants within reason. But how do I get him to understand how excited and important this day is to her... Our finances are combined he makes about 30k more a year then me. So it isn't like I am spending all HIS money...

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24 Comments

Expert September 2020
Amanda · on March 26, 2021 at 9:25 AM
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I agree with this. Ask your husband what amount he is comfortable with (let’s say $10k) and he can give a check to your daughter for that amount and they can have more autonomy in planning and paying also.
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Expert May 2016
needmorewine · on March 26, 2021 at 10:06 AM
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He has every right to set a budget for the maximum amount he is willing to pay. It doesn't matter what other weddings cost, he shouldn't be forced to pay more than he is comfortable with. A large wedding isn't a necessity, and wanting something doesn't mean you're entitled to it, especially not on someone else's dime. If you, your daughter, and her fiance think that the amount your husband is willing to contribute from your joint finances isn't good enough, then it is up to the 3 of you to come up with the rest of the money you want to spend.
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January 2019
MOB So Cal · on March 26, 2021 at 10:34 AM
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We were the bride's parents. FOB was very clueless about what a wedding would cost when the kids got engaged (and, to some extent I was too). Between the two of us, we decided what total dollar amount we were comfortable spending and offered daughter and SIL that amount of money to do with as they wanted -- formal wedding, elope & great honeymoon, cash toward their down payment. Their choice was the formal wedding. Our contribution was about 80% of the total cost of the $32,000 wedding; FOG offered them about 15% and the B&G covered the remainder. Once they were clear about what their total budget was, they were free to make their own choices about how to spend the money. Just because you've found some great deals doesn't mean you and your husband have to cover the total. Especially if your husband has other weddings he expects to want to help with in the future, I think he should absolutely have a strong say in what dollar amounts he is comfortable with and then EVERYONE needs to respect that.
The posts about just spending whatever and not telling him seem so bizarre to me.... My husband and I are fully equal partners -- in every aspect, including finances -- neither of us would just unilaterally make a large financial decision with the intent of keeping it secret or going against the other's wishes.... Good luck!
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Devoted May 2023
Megan · on March 26, 2021 at 3:32 PM
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Come up together with a number you can contribute, in 2021, you're not obligated to pick up the check for everything. Or come up with a base number and then use your extra money from your stream of income if you want to put additional money towards it outside the original amount.
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