My mom got married

If I were you, I would straight up ask my mother why she excluded me. How was your relationship before this?

Wow. I’m sorry OP. I’m assuming you and Mom’s relationship is estranged? Any idea why she wouldn’t invite you?

I would definitely be hurt as well. I would talk to her before deciding to invite her or not invite her to your wedding. You should really communicate your feelings about this to your mom.

@sarah Our relationship has never been really close. We didn't know each other well until later in my life. I've never had a true mother-daughter relationship with her, but she's my mother. I would love to ask her, but I don't even want to talk to her anymore. I am going to give it a few days if anything.

Do you and your mother have a Rocky relationship? If I were you and you guys have a normal relationship I would ask her why she didn't tell you.

@fmj I wouldn't say estranged, we did Christmas together at her house, Thanksgiving, she got married a few months ago and I was invited then..

My dad and his long term girlfriend eloped and sent us (my brothers and I) a text. We later learned her daughter's were present. We were all pretty hurt. I've talked to him since about it and he really doesn't understand what he did wrong. He thinks they were being generous by not telling us about it so we wouldn't have to spend money. Long story short, solidarity. I'm sorry you were hurt.

So I just asked my mom why I was left out, and her response was that she was supposed to get married alone in private but the officiant cancelled. So she found someone that would do it at their house, and the only reason my sister and her family were there is because she lives there with her. -

But here is my rationale, even if she had to get a new officiant, if she wanted it to be private; it would have been private. They took family photos all lined up and everything. She had no intention on telling me.

& If it were so last minute, then my sister wouldn't have been looking for an officiant a week ago. Its like they planned it together.

I think you have every right to be upset. It sounds like it was something planned and if not, who decides to get married on a whim?

My mom eloped and didint include us .. we actually didint want her to marry a man she only knew for 4 months... and we thought he was using her .. it just didint seem right to us .. but they have been together for 6 years now .. it is what it is .. we weren't supportive.. and she just wanted to be happy ..

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. Does this seem off for her?

View Quoted Comment I am so sorry OP. As a mom, I can’t imagine ever excluding my children from something like this. I hope that you are able to move on from this and find peace in the situation, even if peace for you means that you and your mom will no longer have a relationship.

We tell couples on here all the time that they should make sure their parents know they’re getting married/got married even if they eloped. I think the same decency and respect should be shown to children if the bride or groom have them, especially when they’re old enough to understand.

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It does and doesn't seem off. Its hard to explain. We aren't close. But I thought we at least had the type of relationship that she would in the slightest tell me that she got married. She was the person I brought for dress shopping for my wedding, she was the first I told that I got engaged, we go out drinking sometimes. I wasn't mind boggled when I saw it, but it really hurt my feelings.

I guess shes closer to my sister because she raised her and not me.

But honestly it makes me want to not invite her to my wedding. I am going to cool off and think about it for a few days. But I'm pretty upset.

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I didn't judge her for anything. I have done nothing but support her and give her my advice the whole way. I did not indicate in any way that I didn't support her decision here.

View Quoted Comment I think maybe you should think about it over time. I mean if you are not that close maybe just leave it go. I'm sorry for this, it must stink.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I would be really hurt. This happened to my friend, and they still aren't over it

I’m sorry you are going through this. If you end up deciding not to invite her, I don’t think you should feel bad about it at all. You don’t owe anyone anything just because they are related to you. Maybe you should give family more chances than you would just a friend, but there is a limit to how much you should allow yourself to take from someone and you have to decide if your mom has crossed it. I mean, if there’s any doubt in your mind that you will regret not inviting her, then you probably should. However, if the only reason you are thinking of inviting her is because she is your mom but otherwise you don’t really want her there, then you need to do what’s best for you. My family has had to cut out some toxic family members over the years and it was definitely the right choice for us.

Do not let the title of mother distract you. If she is someone who does not care about hurting you, does not care to include you, will lie to you when you find out about it, then she isn't someone who offers anything positive to your life. Sometimes, we just need to let go of toxic people so that we do not turn toxic ourselves. I am sorry this happened, but from what it sounds like, this isn't the first time she has done something harmful and it won't be the last. You can't make her care for you. But you can decide if you continue to allow her to hurt you. I wish you the best, and hope you find all your positive people (if you haven't already).

Invite her sit her far away so shes involved but can feel the animosity and if she asked tell her you didnt invite and i was on fence about you so your seat is your middle ground!