My mom has no clue.

I’m getting married in 79 days... From the moment I got engaged the tension between my mother and I has been growing. I’m getting knots in my stomach just thinking of it all. I knew from the start that planning this wedding would be difficult with my mother because we don’t have a relationship. However the past 2 years have been horrible for my parents (my younger brother going to jail (he may get prison for 15 years), my younger sister getting pregnant by a demonic man (she’s due May 12) and recently my little brother also going to jail possibly for 3 years). I’m the oldest of 6 and everyone keeps saying this is the only positive thing your mom has to focus on, as if I’m supposed to step out of the way and let her control it. I learned early on that I was not the center of my moms universe and since my biological father was never around, I grew up believing that NOT having a great relationship with your parents won’t kill you. (I’m sure it helped make me the strong independent woman I am today #notears). I’m also a Christian and I’m raised to honor my mother and father, so for that reason I’ve respected my mother and held back any negativities I’ve felt. I have NOT given her control over my wedding & this is where the tension builds. My fiancé and I are paying for our wedding. My fiancé’s parents have also given us a gift to help towards our wedding and we’ve pretty much taken care of it all. They’ve never pushed us to be apart of the planning, whereas my mom from day one discussed a theme. I said no thanks mom no theme “you have to have a theme” first disagreement. To which I ignored and continued with the planning. Next looking for a dress, I had an appointment booked. I gave my mom the information weeks in advance, she arrived 30 minutes late!!! No apologies just late. I sat waiting for her and missed out on trying possibly an extra 2 dresses. However, the second dress I put on was the one. I didn’t want to take it off. She got upset because apparently I chose a dress too fast. I’m telling you she sat by the check out flabbergasted as I made the deposit on my dress. She wanted to make a day of trying on dresses. I work in fashion, I know what I like & I know what looks great on me. Shopping around would’ve been a waste of time. Next venue hunting, my goodness any hotel I liked she hated l, the one venue she loved I loathed. She was thinking of what she thought was best. The venue was truly rough in my opinion, it needed to be updated and it was in a shopping plaza. Thankfully my fiancé was with us that day & told my mom absolutely not. While I was on the verge of tears. We finally found the Crystal Ballroom at Beach Place. It will be gorgeous! Not listening to my mom I found a beachfront venue (I love the beach it’s a favorite place) and my in-laws love it. After my moms negativity I stopped inviting her to things. She’s missed on cake tasting, searching for bridesmaids dresses, my makeup trial and creating invitations. I tried once more to include her by allowing her to throw my engagement party. I wanted her to feel included and I honestly feel like she half assed it. Nothing was ready when my in laws walked through the door, but honestly they are the sweetest people so it didn’t matter. I enjoyed being around my family and that was the best part so far.



My mom wants control but I’m keeping her out and recently she asked what colors I want my Aunts to wear (they think they’re the Braxton sisters) I told my mom I never agreed to that. The woman in my family like to feel important at events & they always wear a color. It’s nice at birthdays or games & reunions BUT NOT a wedding. My older cousin let them do it at her wedding and they pulled out oranges and took pictures like they were the housewives of Atlanta. Now they think they’re going to pull that at my wedding. I told my mom that this isn’t my cousins wedding and she’s the only one who should have a special color. I thought she’d finally understand or say I’m happy you want me to feel special, but no! She said “I didn't say you agreed and no one said this is Carissa wedding we know it's not. I asked you to do so, so they won't have on the same color as me. Is that so hard to do?”

Im truly confused, I mean why do I need to tell my Aunts what to wear if my mom already knew the color I gave her to wear. Did I misunderstand something? Couldn’t my mom just tell them don’t wear Dusty Rose and your fine. I mean you want to control things but you need me to tell my Aunts what to wear! It’s all complete BS.

Im focusing on getting these RSVPs back and making a seating chart and finalizing everything with the Pastor and Rabbi. I’ve got zero time for the BS.

I know this was long but I’ve been holding it all in.