I am very thankful for my parents paying for the wedding. From what I've gathered, (with just the reception) my mom is paying 2/3 and is requesting the groom's parents to pay 1/3. Groom and I are paying for other things with the event. Every time I have made a choice or a preference, she gets upset. For example - she wanted me to wear a blush colored wedding dress. I chose an ivory dress with a champagne tint. She was very upset. (My mom loves the color pink). Also, she threw a fit when she found out the bridesmaids dresses weren't pink or blush (Again, she loves the color pink). I gave an alternative and told her she can be the one to wear blush and my MIL can wear mauve, so they can somewhat coordinate.
My parents want a typical, big, Asian wedding: 200-300, which includes people who you have known in your childhood and no longer speak to. I don't understand that. My FH and I prefer 160-175, with people we're close to and love. My parents are from that generation of not wanting to offend other people or having people talking sh't about them bc they weren't invited. My philosophy is that, "weddings are expensive. I don't know you or have conversed you in years or ever, so no to you. I'll be the bad guy." I also feel that this very vulnerable - opening your heart during vows and almost being a source of entertainment, for people to witness. I would feel uncomfortable if strangers watched me do my vows. Anyhoo, my mom wanted to bring her friends/co-workers. Thing is, the majority of her family are already going, why do you need to bring your friends? They've known me from when I was a kid but I would see them on rare occasion... maybe like 2-3 birthdays and that was it. She was a drama queen about it, so there were 6 more people added. Now, she wants to invite this random auntie (my great grandma's sister's daughter and her daughter) to the wedding. I didn't even know this person existed until this year. My mom (being the "victim" or "martyr") wants to people please - "the more family I can bring to the depths of the surface to connect with the other families, the better". I reminded her that this was not a family reunion. She threw a fit and proceeded to criticize my FH's guest list, which she had no business doing.
Then she shamed my choices and said ,"i made time to go to all these venues with you!" as if she was playing the victim again, when i reminded her, "no, i wanted you to come bc you're involved and we can collaborate." That's the thing with my mom, it's about her choices ONLY. Her reasoning? Bc she's paying. I get that but why can't there be a good compromise? And it's my wedding - I should be able to have most of my preferences: what I want to wear, the color of my bridesmaids dresses, the venue, etc.. She also shamed me for the venue choices as well, because my preference was "too fancy" when I could've just done it at the local city convention center, where she preferred bc it was more "practical". That doesn't make sense bc the church is 5 miles away from the venue and her convention center choice was 25 miles up north.
Am I wrong in my thoughts? Yes, she's paying but does that mean I need to be a robot and do everything she says?
