My mother is making my wedding about her...

Have your dream wedding. What’s she going to do? She can say you can’t do that all she likes, she can tell you you’re not getting your dream dress all she likes - but you’re a grown adult and can do what you like. Is she going to ground you? Take away your car keys? Confiscate your phone? No. She might scream and cry and throw a tantrum like a toddler, but she can’t do anything that will have any impact on your life or wedding. Plan your wedding the way you want it. Don’t accept any money from her to pay for it. You don’t need to ask her for permission - tell her what you are doing and she can like it or lump it, her choice. Stop discussing your wedding with her - if she starts talking about it and telling you you can’t do things, say “it’s our wedding and we are planning the wedding we want. It’s not up for discussion.” Then change the subject.

Yes! You have to have the wedding that will make YOU happiest. If you can afford the Rubicon and that is what you want, then 100% tell your mother that is what you're doing. This is your wedding not hers. If you're paying for it she can't hold anything over your head.

Also, your idea sounds really cool and unique. Good luck and congrats!

It’s a tricky subject. I’ve been married before. My parents paid for that wedding and they invited all of their friends and had to have the fanciest/most expensive dinner. It wasn’t my dream wedding at all. It was basically a big party that I went to. And honestly, I didn’t enjoy it at all. But, they were paying and because of that, I didn’t really have a say. That’s the problem with parents paying for weddings sometimes. Other people may get lucky and their parents may pay for it or help with the costs but let the couple have their say.

I’m now planning my second wedding/marriage and FH and I are paying for everything ourselves. We won’t even accept money being offered to us because we know that once you do that, you have to start giving in to people’s requests. Sure, it’s going to cost quite a bit of money, even thought it’s only going to be for 50 or so guests, but it’s going to be our dream wedding. Not someone else’s dream. And let me tell you, there has been zero stress with this wedding compared to the last one I planned.

I say you go with your Rubicon wedding. That sounds like your idea of a perfect way to marry your fiancé. And it sounds lovely! It might not be what your mom had in mind, but I’m sure she’ll get over it eventually. It is yours and your FH’s day and it should reflect the two of you. When you think of your future house, what do you want the wedding photos hanging on the wall to look like?

I can only speak to my experience, but I never looked back on my first wedding with that joy that other brides seem to get it. And I know it’s because it wasn’t what I wanted at all. I didn’t even get to pick the food I wanted because my dad was paying for it, and to be fair, he was right. The person paying should get the final say. But I know that I’m going to look back on this upcoming wedding and remember it as the greatest day ever. And to add to that, I have had zero stress planning this one.

I could have written this word for word.

Have the wedding that YOU want. You will not regret it.

My fiancé and I are paying for our wedding ourselves. My mom on a few occasions was trying to make it about herself. Inviting people that I did not want at my wedding and she also went behind my back and bought her mother of the bride dress without consulting me which was hurtful but I let it slide, I told her to please stop telling me they are invited when they are not. My fiancés mother also tried to make our wedding about her as well. She tried pushing a baker onto us that we did not want and also was asking for her distance cousins to be invited when we do not even know them. We nipped that in the butt real quick.