My mother ...

So, I'm really struggling with how to handle my mother. I've been thru years of therapy and medication to deal with the abuse she inflicted on me since i was a toddler. She's completely in denial; either my father made her do it, or "That's not what happened and you know it. " I won't go into details but it was extensive, physical and emotional.

In addition, her boyfriend is also abusive, violent and a heavy drinker. I've told her that not only is he not a part of MY life, he's not physically allowed on my property.

She acts as if I'm being incomprehensibly unreasonable. The level of denial she lives in is astounding. Right now i don't even want her there, as i know she will bring him against my wishes. I've refused to discuss my wedding with her at all because i don't want her to know when and where it is.

She attempted to ruin my first wedding by rearranging my entire day of itinerary; i was 45 minutes late, had to cut short hair, makeup and nails, and the food and cakes weren't picked up on time.

There is no possible way she will be allowed to do that again, but any kind of intelligent discussion of boundaries and appropriate behavior falls on deaf ears. I may add well be speaking a foreign language.

She's never met my fh or future in laws, and I'd love to keep it that way. There will be a confrontation and drama if she does. She takes a level of delight in drama that would embarrass your average middle schooler.

Right now i think the repercussions of not inviting her are safer than risking her presence, and God forbid that felon she's taken up with. But it's going to be ugly either way.

I wish i could describe her adequately for you guys; she's a classic borderline personality disorder with a large portion of narcissistic mixed in.