My only brother not coming to my wedding

I understand you are hurt, but the reality is (it sounds like) that if he misses a game he violates his contract. If he has professional ambitions that could be extremely detrimental to his career. It doesn't sound like he "doesn't want" to come, it sounds like he can't, at least not at the expense of his money/reputation. When you first told him about your date he did tell you that he might have a game, so he was trying to set that expectation with you that he may not be able to make it. There's nothing wrong with you keeping your date, but it isn't fair for you to be mad that he can't make it, when he basically told you there was a good chance he wouldn't be able to make it.

It sucks that your mom isn't even a little bit sympathetic but she is probably just being realistic about the situation. Like, how would her being upset help you? If it would just make you feel better that's fine, but truthfully her being pissed or sad or whatever doesn't actually change the situation, right?

ETA pressed post too soon:

I am really sorry that your brother will more than likely miss your wedding. That really stinks. Same with your cousin missing H/MU. Obviously we don't know the family dynamics, but I hope you don't let that put a damper on your wedding day. I'm sure your brother is just as upset having to make the decision to miss your wedding as you are that he made that decision.

ETA2: I see now that you started this with "just need to vent" so if you weren't looking for this type of feedback sorry lol!

I’m sorry that your brother is going to miss your wedding and that you’re upset over this. However, having spent time hanging out with guys who played in college (and made it to the pros), no they can’t just take off one game even for a family event. This is especially true for juniors and seniors who are potentially looking to get drafted. I’m assuming your brother has been playing college ball for a few years now so why wouldn’t you have checked with him about this before booking a venue if it was that important that he be there?

It’s not easy to take off when playing football even if it is only college and not pro. There’s players that have worked the same day someone in there family has passed, or on the day of a loved ones funeral. If you want him and really really feel like he should be there, you should be willing to change your date to something other than a saturday or a different date entirely. He’s not being selfish, he literally cannot just take a day off like that. I understand you being upset, I would be too, but there’s really nothing he can do and you shouldn’t be mad at him for it.

Try to stay positive. I know it is hard at the moment, but you are going to hit a lot of bumps between now and your wedding day, so you need to be prepared for that.

My brother didn't attend my wedding either. The difference here is that my brother just didn't want to go. Try to find the silver lining in these type of situations. From your OP it sounds like your brother is upfront and honest with you. He is focused on his future and you should be happy for him. Your mom seems realistic, supportive of her children, focused and strong. Maybe she is putting up a front for your sake. Like a PP said, there is nothing positive for your mom to be sad and mad with you. Maybe talk to her. I bet she doesn't realize that what you need right now is for your mom to understand your feelings so you can move forward.

Good luck and happy planning!

He was upfront with you about his commitments, and your cousin is letting you know well in advance. I would rather change my date so my brother and cousin could attend my wedding than not having them there.

Totally feel and understand your disappointment. My aunt and cousin told me (1.5 years in advance) that they would be unable to miss a craft show/music festival that my cousin participates in so they would not be there. Totally frustrating and hurtful

I highly doubt it’s an issue of he doesn’t want to come, it’s that he physically cannot come. Sorry OP but you shouldn’t have planned your wedding during football season knowing his contract and schedule.

Your brother will get a wakeup call one day when he realizes football isn't a human being who can love him back. I'm very sorry that's happening to you.

Sorry, I see that you have this labeled as a vent, but was there a reason that you booked your wedding date without checking with your immediate family first? Is there any way you can change your date?

I disagree with changing the date. There will always people/family that can not attend for numerous reasons. You can't please everyone. The two most important people are you and your FH, so as long as you two are on board you'll be fine.

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THIS. I mean honestly the wedding is about you, and your FH. And at the end of the day....who shows up is just a bonus.

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I 100% agree. I am sure you have your reasons for selecting your date but knowing he has football commitments (and October is part of the season) that was a risky date to select if you view him as a VIP at your wedding. Since your brother is in college, on a football team and has a contract did you consult with him before selecting a date?

Honestly, you should’ve checked with your VIPs before setting anything in stone with your venue.

It it sounds like he doesn’t have a choice and would be breaching his contract if he skipped a a game. You’ll just have to hope for the best!

Personally, i wouldn't get married without my family there. I know that you only need you and your fh to get married but our wedding wasn't just about us but joining of our families too. However, I asked everyone about my date before I booked it. It stinks that your bro can't be there but this is why people suggest checking with your VIPs before you book a date.

I'm sorry that they are putting sports before you. Hopefully something will work out.

View Quoted Comment This is not about putting sports above anything. This is about the OP’s brother needing to fulfill a contract he signed that likely has many implications if he breaches said contract.

Yeah, no. At the college level (if he's 21), football is not a hobby. It's a profession. He made a commitment and he sounds like he's going to honour that. I'm sorry OP, but checking with him first would have been a good plan.

I would change my date.

It is a bummer for sure. However, we ran our date by our VIPs. A few couldn't make it, but our date was chosen for a specific reason; the best time for us was the worst time for them. It sucked, but we had to be okay with it and not expect people to not uphold their commitments just to be there.

Thanks everyone. Should have stated in the title I just needed to vent and wasn't looking for replies. Now that the website changed I can't even edit my post or delete it. I'm not mad about him not coming, just hurt and sad.

My brother is not coming either. I feel for you love