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Halle
Devoted November 2019

My parents are mad bc i waited a day to tell them i was engaged

Halle, on November 19, 2018 at 10:36 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 16
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Ok so I need you guys to help me and give me honest opinions . Saturday got officially engaged to the love of my life but we have been talking about getting engaged and getting married soon for about 6 months . And my mom has known the whole time as well . Me and my FH live in two different states . And for this proposal I was in his state and my family was in my state. My mom just so happened to be out of town this weekend as well . So when the proposal happened on Saturday night the first thing I wanted to do was tell my mom but I wanted to tell her in person and I was going home Sunday night so I didn’t think it was a bad thing to wait . I really wanted to see her face etc etc . Given I made it my business to tell no one until I told my mom. Plus my mom has not been the biggest avicate for me and my FH his family has been more supportive. His family was also apart of the proposal bc he need people to hold up signs but again we live in two different states . So when I get home Sunday I finally decide after talking with my sister about it that I should tell her on ft since she wouldn’t be back until Tuesday possibly . So I call her and while I’m starting the story her face stays very neutral and almost uncomfortable for me to continue the story and after I say the last part basically saying I am engaged now ... her first sentence is you’re just now telling me ... so long story short the whole thing blew up into bigger things and caused me tears for the rest of the night . I feel so terrible but I really wanted to tell her in person and I don’t get why she is upset am I wrong ?

16 Comments

Latest activity by Shauna, on November 20, 2018 at 5:46 PM
  • Sarah
    Master June 2016
    Sarah ·
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    You’re allowed to tell people how and when you want, but I can understand why your mom is upset. It sounds like his whole family knew and participated in your engagement, and it also sounds like you told your sister before your mom as well. Again, I don’t think you were wrong, but I can understand why she might be upset.
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  • Halle
    Devoted November 2019
    Halle ·
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    Yes for sure ... only thing is he had no choice they were local 😪 I just wish it was understood that no one did it to leave people out it was more about conscience but maybe I guess 😭
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  • Halle
    Devoted November 2019
    Halle ·
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    I meant convenience
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  • Nisa
    Super March 2019
    Nisa ·
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    I wouldn't really worry about it. You just got engaged! Be happy, and focus on you! You will encounter plenty of annoyed family during the planning process. If it makes you feel better, when I got engaged, my mom was REALLY not happy. She was supposed to meet my fiancé for the first before he asked, but she got tired and my parents went home (they live a state over). So, he asked me as planned (with my dad's blessing) and when I texted her that I was engaged, she was REALLY unhappy. "You're not engaged until God says you are!" "Until he is a [insert religious group here], you are not engaged!" Cue four months of fighting. I've learned that you can't please everyone, so I try to focus on my fiancé and our love when parents are being difficult.

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  • Halle
    Devoted November 2019
    Halle ·
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    Thank you so much this makes me feel a lot better !!
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  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
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    No you’re not wrong at all! My mom and brother were both out of town when we got engaged and were coming home the next day so I waited until then to tell them! I was less good than you even, I told a couple friends (one is my MOH, and I already had lunch plans scheduled with her that day hahaha). My mom like, faked being upset that she wasn’t the first to know lol, but she also understood that I wanted to wait to tell her in person and she agreed that that was a good idea... she probably would’ve been pretty disappointed to have heard that kind of news over the phone!
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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    Your mom is overreacting. But it sounds like you gals are close so she was just hurt for missing out. Your tears should be enough. But if you didn’t get a chance to tell her your story (you wanted to tell her in person but she was out of town and you couldn’t wait any longer), go ahead and share that story. Then, she needs to put her big girl panties on and let it go. No need for you to apologize again. Be excited about your engagement!!! Very happy for you.

    FYI. Weddings bring out a lot of emotions in people. Many will have an opinion. If anyone is negative or pushy, set boundaries and if they don’t listen, stop sharing details. Nobody is allowed to poop all over your excited wedding parade! 🤗
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  • Shaureeka
    Devoted June 2019
    Shaureeka ·
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    It really seems like your mom was upset about something else in my opinion. I'm sorry that you had yo be upset by that after something so beautiful happened. So just give it time and explain to her exactly what you told us and hopefully she listens and understands. I think you should take some time and enjoy your engagement as well as stare at your ring like we all did. I am sorry your mom acted like that but no one deserves to take a way the happiness you should be feeling from here on out and she needs to get that unless you are engaged to a serial killer 🤣🤣 (then I'd be on moms side)lol
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  • Rayna
    Devoted July 2019
    Rayna ·
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    In the last few years I’ve been very conscious to not take responsibility for managing other people’s emotions. There were very valid reasons that your engagement took place the way it did and you did what you felt was best in telling you’re mom about it. It’s unfortunate that she feels bad but you’ve apologized and that’s all you can (and should) do. If she continues to be upset then that’s her choice and her feelings to work through. As you go through wedding planning you’re gonna hear a lot about what you have to do and other peoples feelings/opinions. Start drowning it out now.
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  • NVV2B
    VIP January 2019
    NVV2B ·
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    Your mom is being a brat. Instead of being happy for you, she made this all about her and how shes upset you waited a day to tell her?!? Wow.

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  • Kristen
    VIP August 2018
    Kristen ·
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    That wasn't fair of your mother to make you feel bad when telling her this exciting news. Try not to let it bother you. You are not wrong - you waited a day, not a month, and you did it because you wanted to do it in person which I totally get.


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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    For someone to feel slighted over a matter of a few hours or a day, means they are so self involved / narcissistic that they think they must come before anyone or anything else in another person's life. I'm queen of the universe and no one does anything without my knowledge ( or permission.) Mother has a problem. She is not the center of the universe. And each and every adult in her orbit will make important decisions as they see fit, and it they think something should be shared, they will do it on their timetable. That your mother is making a fuss is a bad commentary on her. She is a 40-60 year old, acting like a very spoiled 8 year old. If she keeps carrying on, you need to inform her that you love her but she is not any more important than FI's family, or sister. He demand ( or I will have fits) that she be first informed about anything, is completely unreasonable. Is she planning a hissy fit every time you make decisions about the wedding, or where you live, or jobs, or children? " I should have been consulted or told first " demands are totally unreasonable. She needs to grow up and recognize that you are both adults, with relationships to other people that do not concern her. ( Even sister.) You will say what you want, and when you want , at any time. She is only feeling slighted because she has a personality problem. Do not indulge it. Being first in time does not mean a darn thing most of the time. No reason for her to get obedience from you on the matter.
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  • Jen
    VIP July 2018
    Jen ·
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    This is absurd - the person to be apologizing and feeling bad should be your Mom!! Unbelievable that she is taking joy away from what should be one of your happiest times. I waited 3 days to tell my parents until we saw them - no one thought anything of it (and rightly so). I am sorry you have a narcissistic, immature Mom :-(

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  • Ashley
    VIP December 2018
    Ashley ·
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    I waited 6 months to tell most of my family and they were fine with it, your mom needs to chilllll. I kinda get it but also, she should just take a breath and relax.

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  • Rachel
    Super July 2019
    Rachel ·
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    Wow you have no reason to feel bad! You didn’t tell anyone else until you told her and that was her reaction? Really?!
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  • S
    Dedicated October 2020
    Shauna ·
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    I may sound harsh in saying this but don't feel bad. The engagement was meant for you and your FH, no one else. His family was able to be there and that's a nice thing but it's also not a bad thing that your family wasn't able to be. My FH received a lot of backlash from parts of his family and my family from the way the proposal happened. My FH decided to propose on our vacation this summer that some people were apart of and some people weren't. Caused some falling outs in the family and some fighting but I quickly got over it. I will never understand why some people make things about them but it happens and I'm over it. Celebrate your engagement without feeling bad about how everyone else feels.

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