My parents still doesn’t approve help please....

What do you want to do? Do you want to get married now?
Did your parents give you a reason why they think you need to wait this long?

I slightly remember your last post. At the time you guys weren’t stable financially correct ? I believe you stated, “ Me and my boyfriend aren’t financially ready yet to be married but he wants wat he wants and he won’t changed his mind at all and He would want me to pay all the money that he spent but I don’t have that kind money so idk wat to do now!”


You also mentioned he does odd end jobs, commission based selling fruit.
I would wait until you’re more financially stable and you aren’t taking on most of the costs.

I read the previous post where you explained a bit more in detail of why your parents don’t approve and are so against this guy. Kind of shifted my original advice in the opposite way
Sweetie, I can tell you is it takes more than just love to make a marriage work... if it doesn’t bother you that he rents a small room, does odd jobs, neither are financially “confident,” then do what makes YOU happy. Just keep in mind, not all parents are evil and want to stop us from being happy. Their concerns (given your last post) seem reasonable. But at the end of the day, your happiness is in your hands. I’m sorry you’re in this situation. I wish you the very best and all the happiness in the world.

You’re in your 30s. Do what you want. Either marry him or don’t. If he plans on leaving you if you don’t marry him this year, he’s definitely mature enough to marry you in five years. But again. You’re 30 years old. You’re old enough to make your own decisions.

Someone who is supposed to love you would not threaten to leave you for not marrying him 3 months from now, when neither of you can afford to live independently. I don't think your parents are handling this well (as reported by you), but I also don't think you and your future spouse are prepared for marriage.

If your fiancé will leave you if you don’t marry him this year THIS IS NOT A PERSON THAT YOU SHOULD MARRY. Full stop, nothing else. That’s a massively f’ed up ultimatum and is not okay. It’s great that you love eachother, if he loves you too, he still will in a year. So take the time to get your stuff together mutually, and then get married. If you can’t make that work, you can’t make a marriage work. It is that simple.

A few things here:

1. There is no reason why you should wait 5 years to get married if you love this man and want to get married. Your parents have arbitrarily chosen a period of 5 years because they think that is reasonable. HOWEVER, it may not hurt to wait a little longer until you both sort your lives out (see point 2).

2. In your last post, you mentioned that neither you or your FH are all that financially stable. As others pointed out in your last post, a long lasting marriage does not survive alone on love. Think of it like a plant - if you water it, you'll keep it alive, but if you add fertiliser to it, you give it optimal sunlight, you prune it back etc, your plant will not just survive but thrive. A marriage is much the same - love will help it survive but financial stability, sharing household chores, open communication etc are tools which are crucial to your long term happiness. On this basis, I can fully understand why your parents disapprove. Money issues tend to be one of the biggest causes of marital disputes. You may be a grown adult but they still want to make sure that you and your FH can actually stand on your own two feet.

3. If this man will leave you if you don't marry him soon, then either he is after a visa or isn't worth the commitment!

View Quoted Comment I agree with Mcskipper exactly.


Dani, it honestly sounds like both your parents and your fiance are equally controlling and manipulative. You need to take a pause and figure out what you want for yourself. Maybe pump the breaks, figure out how you can gain more independence and live on your own (maybe with roommates). Figure out yourself without your parents or fiance.

View Quoted Comment They say I’m not ready for marriage yet cause financially

If you’re an adult, you don’t need parents’ approval. That’s easy to say but some parents are controlling and keep their adult children prisoner and gaslight them into thinking it’s normal.


If finances were what decide whether a person could get married or not, a lot of people would not even be alive because countless prior generations didn’t let that stop them from working for what they wanted.
Wait for someone who loves you without strings and ultimatums. So that means focus on YOU, RIGHT NOW and getting out of your parents’ house. If that means renting a room from a friend while you get back on your feet then do that.

Hi, Dani! I've read some of your posts, and my heart kind of hurts for you. You have been given really sound advice from a lot of people who have been in a relationship, and married. Including your parents. Please take time to reread every post. If he is threatening to leave you unless you marry him, HE is the controller in your life. Will this be what he says every time he doesn't get his way? I will never disrespect someone who works, but it sounds like he is expecting you to foot the bill for most things. You are only 30 years old. Is this how you envision the rest of your life? You are allowed to be proud of him, and his accomplishments. But honestly, he sounds like a nightmare. My friend pushed her fiance to get married. They had very little income, lived in a small house on church property,, and really didn't know each other all that well. (Met online). She, like you, still lived with her parents, and thought he would be "her way put", Her parents were loving people, she had freedom as she pleased. She just wanted independence away from them. They divorced 5 years later. I understand the excitement of being engaged and planning a wedding. Look beyond the wedding and the party. Real life quickly follows, and every day will not be easy. We don't know your parents, or you, only through what you have posted. Please think about what you are doing. If you two start a family, will he be there to help in every way? Can you afford a baby on your income alone, if you get pregnant? If you marry, knowing how your parents feel, where will you go if he bails on you, or you leave? These are tough questions, but please consider carefully. I am old enough to be your Mama. I, too had planned to be married, but had to put it on hold for now. Finances were too tight. We are getting back on our feet, and we will be married later this year/early next year. But I can assure that leaving each other because we have to wait was not threatened. You said want to grow old with this man. Does he feel the same about you? Please make sure that the road you walk into your retirement years is with someone who is walking beside you, not pulling you from the front or pushing you from behind. Take care, and best wishes.

You don’t get permission to be an adult, you take it.
If you want to do adult things like get married, you have to act like an adult.
Your parents are never going to approve. You know this.

You're an adult and don't have to listen to them (unless they have guardianship of you). Do be prepared if you don't listen, you may be cut off financially.

Edit: sweetie, it isn't love if he's giving ultimatums on a marriage date. He sounds like bad news and not worth straining the relationship with your parents over. Sounds more 18 than 30.

You don’t need your parents’ approval if you're 18+.

"If he has to wait he will leave me cause my parents got their way": Sorry but I'm with him on this one. Had my partner's parents acted this way and had she hesitated because of them, I would have left her. You love him, you wanna marry him and I assume you're over 18: so I'm not sure why you should listen to dad and mom, seriously.

Agreed with others its not love if he is saying he will leave you if you dont marry now.. thats controlling. And its not fair to you that he expects YOU to cover HIS debt.. sounds like he is looking for hand outs/excuses .... you both sound very immature and need to do some growing up first. Neither of you are ready for marriage by the way the talk/respond.


Why dont you get a place of your own first? BE AN ADULT, get your driver license, get a car, and mature on your own. ??? If he is the right one for you he will wait or help, not drag you down and make you worse off than with your parents. If not, you are better off with him, trust me!! He sounds like he was major red flags all over him. ...if he makes threats now, they will only continue.. being an adult /mature is thinking about the consequences of your actions and owning up to them, not shrugging them off.
So if you can be fine in a room, as the main bread winner, And be ok with his threats/possibility of him leaving you/getting you pregnant/you having to pay all his debts then go get married.. but dont come whining about it. You made your bed, you lie in it.

And another thing, why do you HAVE to get married so soon? Why not just get a place together? Or just move in with him?

View Quoted Comment

"if he is saying he will leave you if you dont marry now.. thats controlling"

What, Erin? Are you kidding me??? ... He's not controlling since his partner DOES WANT TO MARRY HIM , her parents are! It would be a controlling attitude IF she wanted to wait!

Plus: you should consider her boyfriend's perspective: He notices that she doesn't put her own feelings (and his) first. That's a serious issue because when you wanna marry someone, you are supposed to promise you'll have their back at all times, (particularly vs the parents) in your vows, aren't you?

I like others here took the time to read through OP’s previous posts and it definitely sounds like something is a bit odd here.


Your parents sound genuinely concerned for your well-being as it seems neither you or him are prepared to enter a marriage (emotionally/financially) .
You should consider counseling to set yourselves up financially and really evaluate your relationship and whether marriage is the best thing for both of you now

View Quoted Comment

Not sure if you have read her other post but OP's partner has a few financial issues that require resolving hence the parents' concern.

Are we just being trolled by OP?