My parents still doesn’t approve help please....

View Quoted Comment Honestly, I’m not sure. She’s 30 years old and in a previous post said her parents would call the cops to arrest her if she left to get married this summer but says they don’t have guardianship over her. If that’s the case, then she either needs to take the advice she’s asking for or do her own thing, in my opinion. She nor her fiancé are financially stable enough to get married and have seemingly no real plans to change that, though she’s fine with giving him her credit cards.
My heart goes out to her if she’s being for real, honestly. But she’s asked for advice before and then doesn’t listen when it seems her parents are worried about her financial future

View Quoted Comment If this is actually real, I suspect the parents DO have guardianship.

View Quoted Comment There are a lot of details we don’t know, for sure. I suspect guardianship as well, honestly. I’m not sure how else this could be real.

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Have I read them? Yes ... And she sounds like she ree really wants to marry him now no matter what and still thinks her parents are overthinking. She might be wrong and the parents might be right, of course, but this is how she feels.

"call the cops on my fiancé for taking me away from my parents?? I am tired of them treating me like I’m jail and I can’t do stuff cause I can do stuff",

" I am just so devastated that they won’t be in my wedding" : she sounds like she still wants this wedding as soon as possible and feels strongly.

and she said her parents don’t have guardianship over her.

It sounds like your parents have voiced concerns because neither of you are financially independent nor does it sound like either of you are willing to make changes to become financially independent.
You also don't have a driver's license which is another concern because I'm wondering how you even get to the job that you currently have. It sounds like rather than getting married you need to better yourself first. In order to do that, you need to get a job that pays a liveable wage where you wouldn't need to rely on your parents or credit cards to afford an apartment or house. Second you need to get your driver's license and a car, but in order to do that you need to have a better paying or full time job that will allow you to save money. If you fiance is happy working on the side of the road selling fruit that would also concern me if was your parents. It sounds like he is either uneducated so he can't get a better job, he has no motivation, or he's very immature. Needless to say, I wouldn't be impressed if my child wanted to marry someone who is happy with just selling fruit on the side of the road while living in one room. This doesn't even touch on the fact that he's willing to leave you if you don't marry him. That sounds like a HUGE red flag. While you might love him and want to marry him, but he shouldn't be pressuring you to do it now or else he will leave you. That is extremely controlling behavior that would make me question how he might act once you're actually married.

Dani, how long have you and your fiance been together?

Honestly I think your parents are right. You need to be able to support yourselves at a level beyond living in a single room and selling fruit on the roadside. Do either of you have health insurance? What if he gets ill and can't bring in an income at all? What if you get pregnant? What if his landlord decides there can't be two people living in that room? It doesn't sound to me like you have any sort of plan for the future beyond minute to minute.

View Quoted Comment He can not support her, he threatens that his love is CONDITIONAL.. aren’t you supposed to vow to give UNCONDITIONAL love, for better or worse, you need a WHOLE lot more than love to make a marriage work, otherwise why not just live together, friends with benefits? Clearly she isnt telling the whole story, and they both sound immature.. neither are handling this like adults

View Quoted Comment Multiple people have suggested she try to better her self as an adult, she lives in FLORIDA, yet claims its too expensive,
Ok so move to a town/state that you CAN afford.
Get a better job. Get a car and a license. Learn to be independent. Dont rely on credit cards to bail you out. What if someone gets sick? Or pregnant?
She has never given an ADULT answer to any of these questions. LOVE wont pay the bills.. her parents said they cant live with them if they get married and rightly so. But her only childish answer is : i wanna do what i wanna do. His only childish answer is marry me in 3 months or i leave... bringing no solid answers to the questions above either.. if he was COMMITTED to her and actually cared about the life he could give her, he would try to answer those questions and help TOGETHER HAVING HER BACK instead of threatening to walk away.

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Yeah.... no.

You are trying to use your situation, with a headstrong, independent FW, as a basis for comparison.

I think you are completely wrong.

I think OP isn't giving us the full story, and I think her fiancé is a predator.

I've read the original post, and I've read all of the replies.

I think we're not getting the full story.

This also sounds INCREDIBLY familiar to me, because we went through this with one of my sisters.

I think this man is preying on OP.

There are people in this world who seek out easy targets and bully them into marriage like this. My sister is disabled and has some issues with rational decision making due to some of her disabilities. She actually does live on her own, and has since she was in her early 20s, but two different men - both with a similar story, renting a room in a friend's house, doing oddball day jobs here and there, getting her to pay for them with her paltry income - gave her these "marry me now or I'm leaving" ultimatums. They did this because she was vulnerable.

My mom ended up having to sneak her money through the mail for groceries because the first husband was taking every cent she had.

In her late 30s, she got a caretaker, and we got a similar story to this one with the second husband. "She doesn't approve of me getting married. She won't let me go." When we talked to the caretaker, concerned that my very-much-grown-adult sister was being controlled or held hostage, the caretaker told us about Mr. No Job #2. We also tried to dissuade her from marrying again, but like OP, she was an adult, and no one could really stop her. She left the caretaker's home, and as soon as this man had those papers signed, he started taking every dime she had, and when she tried to stand up for herself, he would shove her down, he'd hide her walker, he unplugged the phones knowing she didn't have the hand dexterity to plug them back in...

Obviously, I only know what is posted here. But this sounds exactly like my sister and her second husband - someone with a genuine interest in her well-being sees the predator a mile away and is doing everything they can to stop her from making a bad decision. OP's parents may be saying "five years" as an arbitrary amount of time hoping this guy will walk away long before then. They may be threatening things like calling the police hoping it's enough to scare him off, or because they know this is bad news and they don't know what else to do. I'm not saying this is the best approach - I'm trying to point out the raging red flags in this story. I find it unlikely, based on OP's posts, that both of her parents are irrational lunatics threatening to call the cops if she tries to get married just because they don't want her to leave. I think there's a big chunk of this missing.

This isn't Romeo and Juliet star-crossed lovers whose families refuse to let them be together for no good reason. I guarantee it.

View Quoted Comment Sorry to hear about your sister’s ordeals 🙁 I hope she is doing better now


I think everyone pretty much suspects a situation similar to this is the case with OP but didn’t outwardly say it (myself included).
Dani,I hope you are able to see that your parents are asking you to reconsider because it’s the best thing for you at the moment. If this man genuinely loves you & is there for you he will try to make things work out in a better way. If he walks away, there are other people who will be better suited down the road.

I wonder of they threaten to call the cops because they think that may scare the boyfriend - they may suspect he has legal issues and won’t want to tangle with police?
I am a mom who’s daughter was in a terrible relationship - for five years she worked herself to the bone, failing classes and dropping out, because her unemployed bf always needed money. It was so hard to watch, but she was over 18 and free to mess up her life. I worked hard to be gentle so she would be able to come to me without hesitation when she was ready. She eventually did. She is still dealing with the debt and getting back into school. It’s hard.
I can see why her parents are freaking out. Of course they could handle it better, but not everyone has the same emotional regulation skills when things are going sideways. The bottom line is, she is an adult and she can go get married today if she wants. But adults have to pay bills and take care of themselves.

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"I think you are completely wrong": maybe.

Sure,she sounds immature, so does the guy. However she isn't giving the full story and we can't read the parent's POV either.

" I think her fiancé is a predator": WOW!!

"You are trying to use your situation, with a headstrong, independent FW, as a basis for comparison." NOPE: my opinion has nothing to do with the fact of being a headstrong person or having a headstrong partner. When you know what you want and what you don't want: you don't need to be a headstrong man/woman, you only need to be confident. From what I've read,she knows what she wants. Whether she is right or not.

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In the least offensive way possible- I am reading this and other posts and have a feeling her mental age doesn't translate to her physical age. I have a sister who is in her 30s but has the mental capacity of at best 15. My parents *don't* have legal guardianship because she's never tried to do anything really against them- but she's 100% financially dependent, lives with them, and will likely never have full independence/be able to move out and get married without there being a court battle.

Dani, I know it’s been asked before, but I don’t think you answered - how long have you and your fiancé been together? Have you ever lived on your own before?


I’ve read the previous post and comments, and while I know we are only getting a small glimpse of the larger picture, it does seem people are right to be concerned about this relationship. Are you even ready - financially and with all the practicalities involved - to get married in two months?

View Quoted Comment Yes! I think many of us have been thinking this but we’re unsure of exactly how to word it!

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I definitely feel for her and the situation. I know my sister would love to one day get married and have kids, and there's glimpses of where it seems it wouldn't be too bad and *I* can start picturing an independent adult life for her.... and then she does something that brings everyone to reality that she just can't truly consent and comprehend adult actions.

Dani, I hope you and your family and fiance are able to all sit down and have a real and frank discussion. Hopefully one where everyone can bring their worries and concerns and plans without losing their cools. You may be completely legal and able to marry this man, but make sure it's what you really want and aren't being bullied, can honestly pay the bills for wherever you're staying without your parents help, and live the life you envision. A life in a shared room in someones house doesn't seem to be the dream of most at 30. Can you afford your own place? Do you like these other people he lives with? Do they like YOU? A strained roommate situation is it's own fresh hell on top of a new marriage.