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Beginner October 2021

My sister hates dresses! And wants to be a bridesmaid

Jasmine, on April 10, 2021 at 7:05 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 26

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So I asked my sister to be a bridesmaid thinking that she would be OK wearing a dress for 4 to 6 hours (given that she’s wore a dress at her wedding and other people’s weddings before..) and turns out she doesn’t wanna wear a dress.. she wants my mom to order her a pantsuit for my wedding. I really don’t like that idea because A. I told my step niece/ one of my closest friends that I didn’t ask her to be a bridesmaid because I know she doesn’t like dresses. And B. I really feel like it’s gonna stick out too much in my actual wedding ceremony and the photos.
Personally I feel like the attention should be on me and my groom and not my sister in a pantsuit....
I don’t know if I’m just being picky and selfish or if I have a right to feel like I should be able to have my wedding look the way I want it to look. If you’re agreeing to be in wedding then you’re agreeing to wear what the bride wants you to wear.. if you don’t want to wear that then wear what you want but don’t be in the wedding party. Let someone else have the chance to wear a pretty bridesmaid dress.

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Latest activity by Kristen, on April 13, 2021 at 1:42 PM

Champion July 2019
Veronica · on April 10, 2021 at 7:12 PM
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I think as long as she is wearing a pant suit that is the same color as the bridesmaids that she really won't stand out nor will it draw attention to her. If she was wearing a pant suit that wasn't the same color then I could understand. I would recommend looking on Azazie and David's Bridal because they some pretty pant suits that would pair very well with their bridesmaids dresses.
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VIP May 2022
Ava · on April 10, 2021 at 7:17 PM
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Obviously you can choose to handle this however you want. But, if the concern is that “the attention should be you and not your sister in a pantsuit”, then I don’t think there’s an issue. You are the bride. The ceremony is literally in your and your FH’s honor. Trust me, you will be the center of attention. Plus, it’s not like your sister is asking to wear a wedding dress or a bikini... just a pantsuit that matches your bridesmaids. A pantsuit is definitely not taboo or interesting enough to garter people’s attention. No one is going to think twice about it.
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Master September 2019
Sarah · on April 10, 2021 at 7:17 PM
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“Let someone else have a chance to wear a pretty bridesmaid dress.” This part really sticks out to me. The purpose of asking people to be in your wedding party is because those are the people closest to you and you want to honor your relationship with them. While I agree that typically wedding party members are agreeing to wear what the bride wants, I also think your post suggests that what you want them to wear is more important than who they are to you.

For what it’s worth, if the pant suit is in a matching color, I don’t think anyone would notice and I definitely don’t think it would take any attention away from you and your future spouse.
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Lisa · on April 10, 2021 at 7:45 PM
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Given the fact that your sister has worn dresses to accommodate others and for her own wedding, I can understand your frustration. Why is this time around unacceptable to her? What did she do for her own bridesmaids? I truly don’t see anything wrong with letting her know this is what you want (the dress) and then letting her decide if she wears it as a bridesmaid or something else as guest. It’s certainly a conversation that is not new to WW and the bride must decide if “will this be a hill to die on”. Very frustrating. Let us know what happens.
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Super February 2022
Grace · on April 10, 2021 at 7:46 PM
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While I agree that a pantsuit probably won't stand out next to other bridesmaids in dresses, it does sound like your sister is being very selfish. Many people wear dresses they hate to please a bride. She is not any different and asking her to wear a dress for 4-6 hours is not a huge ask. I would stick with how you feel and try to get her to understand that this matters to you.
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Beginner October 2021
Jasmine · on April 10, 2021 at 7:58 PM
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I get that. but I actually have a best friend/ niece that I’m closer to than I am to my sister and mentioned to her that one of the reasons I didn’t ask her to be in my wedding party is the fact that I know they don’t want to wear a bridesmaid dress. My niece was a bit disappointed, so for my sister to show up in my wedding wearing a pantsuit (that my niece would have been open to wearing) would hurt her feelings even more. Basically saying it’s okay for my sister but not for you or make her think I lied to her about the reason for not asking her which is not what happened.
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VIP May 2022
Ava · on April 10, 2021 at 8:05 PM
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Why don’t tell your niece you have reconsidered and would love her to stand with you in a pantsuit she is comfortable in- that you realized your relationship was more important that what she wore. Then there will be 2 BMs in pantsuits, which will look even more uniform.
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Lisa · on April 10, 2021 at 8:36 PM
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There seems to a double standard happening here. Most of the time, WW consensus is to dictate the dress or come as a guest. This bride is doing just that but included her want to make the party look uniform, to ensure that she stands out, and now there’s pushback.
The bride can dictate the bridesmaid’s wardrobe.
“Here’s the wardrobe, this is what it cost, let me know your decision.” That is what all of these conversations have boiled down to. This is no different.
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Devoted August 2021
Liz · on April 10, 2021 at 9:58 PM
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My female BFF and bridesmaid will be wearing a men's suit in my wedding party because that's how she'll be comfortable. I give zero craps about what other people will think of that and whether or not she'll 'stick out she's important to me and so is her comfort.
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Super March 2021
Kimberly · on April 10, 2021 at 10:42 PM
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No the general consensus on WW is that your bridal party are supposed to be those nearest and dearest to you not props for your perfect wedding. There are some outrageous requests that bridesmaids may sometimes make that people say “ok yeah no just tell her this is what I chose and be done e with it”. But generally speaking most people on WW agree that if someone is not comfortable in a dress or wearing makeup or wearing their hair up then don’t make them just for the sake of your perfect wedding. You should care more about the people in your wedding than how they look at your wedding.

OP you made a bad decision when you decided to ask your sister over your niece simply because of a dress. Let your sister wear a pantsuit in the same color as the dresses and ask your niece to also be a bridesmaid and do the same.
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Expert April 2022
Fred · on April 10, 2021 at 10:58 PM
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Hello Jasmine!
You're overthinking. Neither the bride nor the groom is upstaged by a bridesmaid or groomswoman who is wearing a pantsuit.Not even if a female guest decides to wear a white dress (assuming yours is white).
The wedding is literally in your and your FH’s honor. I feel like the attention WILL be on you and the groom!
Guests don't care about the WP members and both sets of parents, they attend to see the couple.
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Expert April 2022
Fred · on April 10, 2021 at 11:39 PM
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I Couldn't agree more with Kimberly!
Many brides dictate what the bridesmaids are wearing, including shoes, because they're afraid not to get "cohesive" photos. Seriously?
Jasmine: don't forget that you WP members are not props or items 😉 and you'll get beautiful pics no matter what they are wearing because you and you groom will be in them!With or without matching dresses/suits.
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Master 0000
Judith · on April 11, 2021 at 1:07 AM
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Why not be a big enough person to go back to her and say, I realized I was turning down a person I care about, for some fantasy look. Person before image.
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Master 0000
Judith · on April 11, 2021 at 1:11 AM
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Note that "I don’t know if I’m just being picky and selfish" were the poster's own words, not my original choice.
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Expert November 2021
Sara · on April 11, 2021 at 1:44 AM
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I think you're missing the point of the purpose of having bridesmaids in the first place. Bridesmaids are supposed to be your nearest and dearest who support you and stand by your side as you get married. These are people, not photo props. Trust me, nobody is going to stand a chance at upstaging you or drawing attention away from you unless you have your bridesmaids wear big white wedding gowns. You can easily have your sister and niece get pant suits in the same exact color and fabric as the rest of the bridesmaids dresses. I can't imagine not allowing the people closest to me to be bridesmaids because they refused to wear something they didn't feel comfortable in.
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VIP October 2022
Samantha · on April 11, 2021 at 7:16 AM
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She’s worn dresses before, was married in dress, so is an adult, and is telling your mom to order a pant suit even though you’ve picked out dresses.

I think your sister is going to be a lot of work as a bridesmaid, to he honest.
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Super June 2021
Elizabeth · on April 11, 2021 at 7:22 AM
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This is how I feel

I typically agree that bridesmaids should have an option to wear whatever they are comfortable in. In tjis case, it seems like she is kind of being a pain and it isn't really about comfort at all. Have you asked her why she won't wear a dress all of the sudden?
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Super November 2020
Natalie · on April 11, 2021 at 8:31 AM
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Out of curiosity, are you requiring they all wear the same style dress, or are you allowing them to choose their own style as long as it meets the required color, material, etc.? If you are making all wear same style, I can see where your sister could feel uncomfortable in a dress despite wearing one in the past. If they are allowed to choose their own style of dress, I think she is being fairly unreasonable. Ultimately, I agree with PP who suggest adding your niece to the wedding party, as their dislike of a certain style of clothing is a terrible reason to not at least ask. It could then be her decision if she wants to participate.
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Expert July 2021
Kris · on April 11, 2021 at 10:24 AM
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You could always get something like this, that looks like a bridesmaid dress, but is actually pants.
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Devoted November 2021
Sarah · on April 11, 2021 at 10:27 AM
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If everyone is doing matching bridesmaids dresses, then your sister has some nerve asking for a totally different outfit.
If everyone is wearing coordinating or mismatched dresses, then she has some ground to stand on. I maybe a long romper would be an okay compromise?

Regardless... Your wedding - your rules! If it's important to you, it's valid!
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My sister hates dresses! And wants to be a bridesmaid

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