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Just Said Yes July 2022

My sister says will not attend a wedding over plus one

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Carlos, on April 14, 2022 at 2:51 AM

My fiancé and I getting married this year and we trimmed our guests from 200 to 100. We did our homework who to invite, asked advise to married couples and so on. We are strong believers and we stand firm on that. So, my 2 siblings have their significant more than years now, basically my fiancé and I have established relationships with them and they are part of our guest list.

On the other hand, my sister insisting her plus one that we don’t know and haven’t met, let alone they exclusive, just seeing/ hanging out. Not even dating dating. We told her that we won’t invite anyone we don’t know, we only consider committed relationship and the people that are also show interest in our life not just on our wedding day.
My mom is on her side, telling me I should have her +1 because it’s one time - I told them this is also a one time a lifetime decision I’m making for myself and for my fiancé- they don’t get my point. To make a decision where we both happy and supported. Fiancé and I had a fair compromise with our decisions that made us content throughout the planning.However my sister is pushing and even says will not attend our wedding because we did not give her +1. I thought that her +1 is more important than us or our decision. Only two of us fund our wedding and never ask anyone or family members to help us on our budget, and it’s like our decisions is against the world. We are expecting them to at least honor our decisions. But it seems we are the bad guys

Please help!

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25 Comments

Savvy May 2022
Corinne · on April 16, 2022 at 6:47 PM
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It sounds like your sister is being childish about the whole situation, but I think it's in the best interest of your long-term relationship with your sister (and your whole family) to just be the bigger person and let her bring the guy. Maybe someday she'll realize how selfish she was being by not respecting your wishes and she'll apologize. But, if you don't let her bring her date and she doesn't come to the wedding, I imagine there will be hurt feelings on both sides for quite a long time.
I think it's a great decision to just let him come but not allow him in the family photos. My fiance's brother is in a long-term relationship with a girl that no one likes (even my fiance's brother doesn't seem to like her that much). They live together so we felt obligated to invite her, but we don't intend on having her in any of our family photos.
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Just Said Yes July 2022
Carlos · on April 16, 2022 at 7:44 PM
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Hi Corrine, thanks for this really appreciate it. And I think it’s a good compromise for having the guy excluded to the wedding photos. Since they both not willing to take it to the next lvl their status, it doesn't make sense having the guy in the photo, plus we don’t want to see a person that seems not willing to put an effort in a committed relationship, let alone to take an initiative to meet us first.
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VIP October 2022
Mrs.evans · on April 17, 2022 at 11:37 PM
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Most of the ppl on our guest list we know together as a couple or separately we dont know all of there significant other we will some them at the wedding and our family also have a significant other. I dont nothing about it but its you and your FH decision on that if it's not put on the RSVP cards cant come in and no last minute stragglers either
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Just Said Yes March 2023
Elle · on April 18, 2022 at 5:50 PM
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I completely agree with you. I too will not be giving my brother a plus one, as I don't have any kind of relationship with his off again, on again girlfriend. If your sister does not want to attend over that, that's up to her. stick to your guns!!
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Rockstar December 2022
Michelle · on April 18, 2022 at 10:46 PM
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In the current society post-pandemic, it’s not unreasonable to meet someone via video chat for 5 minutes.

If someone decides they are in a relationship, regardless of the period of time together, it’s not anyone else’s place to judge the validity of that. Especially when you are asking them to come celebrate your relationship. Extend the invitation to sister’s partner by name (as a plus one is a random stranger to entertain an unattached single guest and always optional) or accept that she won’t attend if you choose not to.
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