My son is very mad at me; we have different visions of the wedding week end

They don’t own the weekend, but if it pertains to the wedding then it’s their say. If they’ve agreed to pay for the wedding themselves, then I wouldn’t expect to have any input. Only those contributing should have a say, even if they declined your offer to help cover costs.


1. Agree if it’s on the bride’s land they have some enhanced liability. But, maybe they’ve already talked to an insurance carrier to get coverage in case something happens.
2. I’m doing the same timing as him. I agree that it’s a late dinner and I wouldn’t normally eat that late, but in order to get pictures in the golden hour it’s the timing that makes sense. Are they having a cocktail hour with snacks? If so, this should help those from getting too hungry. And you honestly can’t stick it out until 11 pm for one day?
3. I don’t even know what to say to this. You’re the mother of the groom and you “could skip the wedding”? Maybe that’s why y’all are having so many disagreements. It doesn’t seem like you’re excited or supportive of his day in any way shape or form.
4. It would be his business if they’ve already made other arrangements. Did you ask them if they had set something up before doing this?

Yeahhhh I'm gonna have to agree with your son in this one. Especially since they are paying for the wedding themselves, let them have the wedding that they want. It seems like you are trying to put way more input then he wants. Know your boundaries, it's his wedding.

I think some of your concerns over your guests' comfort and safety are valid. Your son also should not have yelled at you over hotel blocks. I agree that it's a courteous thing to offer this for their guests and it's unfortunate they're not doing it.
There is no obligation for them to provide an afternoon activity; guests can go sightseeing in town or nap in the hotel or find some other way to entertain themselves for a few hours. So I understand them not wanting to spend extra on that.As for the timing, weddings run late all the time, even past midnight. If you're worried you won't make it, you can have a coffee or a 5-hour energy or simply excuse yourself to rest somewhere for 20 minutes during the reception.
They probably declined your money because they know it would come with strings attached. They do not want you to use your wallet to try and control their day. I agree with the previous poster who said you don't seem excited for your son. Maybe they aren't doing their wedding the way you would choose to, but please be present for him and be happy regardless.

It sounds to me like you’re at an impasse, and it’ll be like beating a dead horse to get any of your points across. I say let it go and try to just be supportive of them. It is their day after all, and if they are hosting it, so be it.

View Quoted Comment

Agree with all of this.

Honestly I didn't even get through the 3rd one all the way. It's your son's wedding. I'm not sure his wedding date but those of us planning weddings and approaching our dates are beyond stressed. Let him take care of his wedding like a grown up.

I have to be honest, most of the time when parents come on this site to post their grievances, I am on the side of the couple. In your case however, it sounds like your son is being irrational and needlessly unreasonable.
1. Lighting….. you were absolutely right to voice your concern if there is a tripping hazard for guests, and the couple most certainly needs to address that hazard! It is their responsibility to keep guests safe at their event

2. Dinner….. I understand the dinner may be later than what some guests are used to, but this is their event and they do get to choose what time they wish to host it.
3. Hotel block….. this is definitely a courtesy many people extend to their out of town guests. However, he does not have to be the one to create the block. If you think it is necessary and your family will use it, I would take the initiative and create a hotel block yourself. Your son does not even have to know about it, and you can communicate the info to your family personally. The same holds true with a welcome lunch- This is something commonly done for out of town guests, but if your son does not wish to host one, you can schedule a nice lunch with your family and your son does not need to attend, if he really doesn’t want to
4. This one completely baffles me. I have no idea why your son would be upset in any way that you are graciously offering to pay for transportation for guests. Again, I would probably just do it and not even tell him
Bottom line, you are trying to be a very gracious host, and are not trying to “take over the wedding”. I feel most couples would be incredibly grateful for your generosity. I am so sorry you are getting pushback for it.

Remember that planning a wedding is incredibly stressful. The couple gets unsolicited advice from every angle, and it really wears you down. Covid is making this a million times worse - now we get unsolicited advice about the wedding AND Covid. It sucks. My fiancé and I are so tired of the unsolicited advice that our go-to response is, “If you don’t like it, then don’t come.” (And yes, we have had to say this to our own parents.) It sounds like your son is at a similar point. My advice: back off. Big time. If he wants your input, he’ll ask. He’s an adult and it is his wedding. And if he makes choices about the wedding that guests don’t like, he will be the one who will have to hear about it.

Thank you all so much for your input! I would love to see the ceremony and would love to see some of my family from out of town; but yes I could skip the festivities...my partying days are long over. I doubt I will make it past 11 pm. I guess they want my family to rent cars or stay over night at the airport and come the 2 hour drive the next morning. Unless they want people to drive the 2 lane rural highway at night. I shouldn't have meddled with the time of the wedding. That was a mistake. I just didn't want my family to be hungry. I don't think snacks will be offered. Thank you again for your input! I do understand it is their wedding. I am sure it will be lovely. They are a lovely couple!

You are getting engaged in a level of detail that is beyond inappropriate. Your son and his future spouse are hosting a party - your "vision" of their party is really not relevant. There is nothing wrong with expressing your opinions or suggestions for their consideration, but that's where it ends, and you must leave it at that for those of your ideas that they are not interested in. If you are literally threatening to skip YOUR SON'S WEDDING because you are unhappy with their arrangements, I would spend some serious time self-reflecting - perhaps a counselor could also help you manage through these feelings and need for control.

Thank you Super, Your right saying something about the time of the wedding was a mistake. I did point out that some people would not eat before 7:45 if he begins the food at 7 pm. Maybe I won the battle but lost the war. Maybe this will trigger them to have snacks. As for everything else, I am very perplexed, and I do feel some responsibility to my family that is traveling even though it is his wedding. We planned our wedding very quickly, got things rented....it didn't take that long to plan the reception. Planning the ceremony took longer. I do wonder why a tent hasn't been rented and so forth but I guess they are thoughtful people and want to consider everything. Again they are a lovely couple; I want the best for them.

I think most of your concerns are valid. It sounds like you're just trying to be considerate of the guests and wanting to make traveling to the wedding easier on them.

1. They absolutely should care about the safety of the guests, regardless of where the wedding is held. Unfortunately, if they don't care about safety or liability issues an injury could cause there is nothing you can do.

2. This is where you're in the wrong. They get to decide the timing of the wedding events. I am assuming they will have a cocktail hour with appetizers before dinner, so guests shouldn't be starving by the time dinner is served. If you're really concerned then just plan to eat a late lunch and/or snack before the wedding.

3. I'm not sure what he has against hotel blocks. Those are typically offered as a courtesy to guests, especially in an area where rooms will sell out quickly. As a previous poster suggested, see if you can set up a block yourself for your family. There's nothing wrong with you doing that and your son doesn't even need to know about it. You also can plan your own lunch for the out of towners on Saturday if you wish, just don't expect the bride and groom to be able to attend. This isn't something they are obligated to do.

4. Have they planned transportation for the guests themselves? If not he has no right to be upset with you for planning your own.

Thank you Expert. No snacks planned at the time of the discussion but maybe this will change. I did rent some rooms now at the hotel where I am staying. I just rented them through the computer, not with any special discount. I do want to have a lunch for my family, maybe pizza, nothing so big that it takes away from the wedding. No he has not planned transportation for the guests. I think he expects them to rent cars. I hope my immediate family will stay with me. My husband is in a wheelchair so I needed to book our room immediately. There is another hotel that might be better but I am not sure if the location is better. Thank you everyone for taking the time to comment. I do appreciate it.

You need to back off. This is your sons wedding, not yours. He (and FW) WILL RESENT YOU FOR THIS. let them plan their wedding, they’re adults. Drop it. None of your business. Show up dressed appropriately and be happy for your child.

While I think a couple of your concerns may be valid, you’re also probably coming off as overbearing.


1. Maybe they already have lighting figured out and he feels like you’re treating him like a child. 2.Guests eat late at weddings all the time. If you can’t stay until 11, that’s your choice, but that’s not a late ending to a wedding. 3. I’m a little confused here because I can’t tell if you wanted him to just set up a courtesy block if you wanted him to book rooms with a credit card for these family members. It sounds like the latter from your subsequent comments and I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that either.
He has no right to be mad about you providing transportation to those family members coming from out of town but maybe he’s concerned you’re now not going to be available for anything they might need you for. Also it’s definitely not common at all for the bride and groom to do anything earlier in the day on the wedding day, especially providing another meal to guests.
“I could skip the wedding frankly”- As someone who has had some struggling relationships with both my parents and other family members, if you mean these words please just skip the wedding. Your son doesn’t need that energy on one of the most special days of his life.

I agree with your son weddings last until midnight almost all the time, and it's their wedding, let them do what they want, just sit back and relax and enjoy the day

If you’re concerned about being able to stay up past 11, take a nap mid-day. I’m a musician, and when we have gigs that end at 1 am (with tear down until 3-4 am), I just take a nap in the afternoon and I do fine. Also, for the dinner starting time, they might not have a lot of wiggle room on that one. My wedding is in the exact same boat, and there’s nothing we can do about it. The venue will not let us start setting up at all until 4:30 pm. Ceremony is at 6, we are then sending the guests to a downstairs area for cocktails, and then we do a super quick change from ceremony to reception, so dinner will be 7/7:30. It’s the best we can do. They might be in a similar boat.

People are more than capable of eating something before the wedding or bringing their own snack . . . logically, if someone knows that they will be eating dinner late, they can have a late lunch, or an early light dinner. These are adults, not toddlers, and they are more than capable of coming up with something. Same with when people leave the wedding. If someone needs to leave early so they can get home safely, then they will do that. If they decide to stay the night somewhere OR drive late at night, that's up to them, too. That isn't for you to decide.

Thank you for your comments. No I don't expect him to do anything that involves putting the rooms on a credit card......I would be happy to do that as long as there is a way to cancel the rooms as we get closer to the wedding. I certainly can see his friends staying until midnight and maybe some of his cousins, but I fear my siblings and their spouses would want an earlier exit and if we have provided transportation we would need to make arrangements for the transportation to leave earlier (around 11). That's a problem with providing transportation. The police do patrol at night and they will know a wedding is going on at this property (quite rural). This is one reason I wanted to provide transportation.....but I wold have to have the transportation leave when siblings would think it reasonable. Our family weddings don't go past 11. I am not expecting the bride and groom to do anything earlier in the day. Especially the bride. I wanted to have a pizza luncheon and then go to a field near a lake with walking paths and maybe toss a frisby. There is also an art museum my siblings might like to tour. I am of course open to other ideas. All optional of course and all done through Uber/Lyft. Thank you all again for taking the time to respond, I appreciate it!

An interesting perspective — he may be annoyed about your paying for guest transit from the airport because it’s outside of his scope (it’s just a nice thing you’re doing so he can’t say no), but his indicating that he doesn’t want money from you for the wedding essentially is saying that he wants to do things his/their way. We say all the time on here “no pay, no say” when brides are struggling with overbearing parents , and that the easiest way to be sure to make all the decisions yourself is to make sure that you pay for them all yourself. You’re just on the other side of that here — he’s going to pay so he’s going to call the shots. …so I don’t know, maybe paying for that transit feels like sneaking in funding to have some sort of say, or something along that line. It’s silly for him to be irritated by it, but it seems like it’s just pushing the buttons on his boundaries.


As for the general rest…it’s okay to take a moment and feel disappointed that it’s not being done how you’d like it to be. That’s okay, that disappointment, but, then, go on and make plans to make what you want to have happen (**outside of the scope of the wedding!) happen. If you want your relatives to stay at the same hotel as you, let them know where you are staying, and that it is booking up fast. If you want to spend extra time with them after the wedding, make plans with them. These things can be relatively simple.
A hotel block is a convenience, but not a necessity, and actually sometimes not even a better rate (I had several guests book our blocked hotel but outside of the block, they got a better rate with status or points or something of the like). Guests often travel to weddings and make their way there on their own just fine, and renting cars is relatively common. Those wishing to avoid that can try to work it out another way.
I attended a wedding that sounds a bit like your son’s a few years back. I had to travel. There was no blocked hotel, as there were several area hotels. It was probably about an hour or more from the nearest airport. I am not a confident driver so was not comfortable renting a car. So, I organized with the people I knew were attending. Made sure to book the same hotel as my friends. Took a shuttle from the airport to somewhere closer to the area, and my friend with a rental car was able to pick me up from there. I guess my point is that these hurdles aren’t uncommon and plenty of guests happily move through them without thinking much of it — I did. The couple also didn’t host anything formal the day after the wedding , but the bride’s aunt&uncle ended up inviting us back to their place the next day— *they* made a brunch happen just by inviting some people and gettting some food , so it was just a small gathering of her side of the family and particularly the handful of us that had traveled from up north. Honestly this little thrown together get together was a highlight of my weekend , I forget that it wasn’t an official event!
And now that I’m thinking of it, actually my brother’s wedding was a travel wedding with no day after event. They had a list of 3 local hotels (maybe blocked, I don’t remember, I know I had some sort of discount rate). We coordinated with family to make sure to stay at the same hotel with our people (actually this is something I’ve encountered a lot— even when there are blocks there’s often a couple options, so I do some coordinating to make sure I’m staying with “my people”). All the family staying at the hotel together made plans on the spot and got dinner together the night after the wedding — that could’ve worked for a lunch or brunch as well. It’s definitely not how my parents would have done it if it was their event , but, everyone was still happy all around!