My son is very mad at me; we have different visions of the wedding week end

Eh, this is a mixed bag.

On the lighting, perhaps it is an issue of how it was said, as opposed to what was said. You can, and should, inform them of your legitimate concerns that someone may be injured by insufficient lighting. But without knowing how you said it, I can't say for sure - perhaps you said this in a way that sounded like you were trying to discourage them from hosting the wedding where they wanted it. Think it through and consider explaining yourself, if you feel it will ease tensions.

7pm is a late dinner, but usually weddings have a cocktail hour that provides small snacks and refreshments. A later reply from you indicates you don't "think" they are doing this, but this is actually pretty standard and it would be a bit odd if they didn't, especially considering they plan to have a full "traditional" reception. Don't assume. They are probably having a cocktail hour, which means 7pm is fine for a dinner.

You don't have to stay any later than you wish. There is no obligation of the MOG to stay until midnight. The only people who should absolutely be there the entirety of the event are the hosts - your son and his bride. If you are tired by 10, then give your kisses and hugs and gracefully exit. I would never expect any guest, including the couples' parents, to stay longer than they are able.

The couple isn't obligated to entertain your family before their wedding. There is nothing untoward about this. If your family is incapable of entertaining themselves for a few hours before the wedding, that's their problem.

On the transportation, perhaps your son feels that you providing such a service will look like the bride's side is getting shafted. Perhaps he worries people will see your family being chauffeured and when the same service is not extended to them, it will reflect poorly on them as a couple - as most guests will not be wise to the fact you are providing that service, not them.

View Quoted Comment “ but I fear my siblings and their spouses would want an earlier exit ”


It’s their wedding. Again, it isn’t about your siblings and their spouses - or you!!!

You’re overstepping and you could be more helpful.
1. Help them find a solution so that no one is tripping over the wires.
2. 7PM is perfectly reasonable for a wedding dinner. Maybe suggest they have appetizers, but people will be fine eating that late. And wedding receptions normally run past 11PM? You can’t expect him to cut down his timeline just cause you can’t hang, unless you have a medical condition.even then, just politely excuse yourself.3. I don’t understand what you’re saying about people in your family being in college, but do you really expect your son to plan his wedding around all of the different commitments people in your family have in their lives? Seems a bit extreme to me. Why don’t you just book the hotel block for your family? No need to add that stress to them. 4. Idk about this one. This whole situation that you’re describing sounds a bit strange to me. He’s probably resentful because you are trying to control their wedding but you aren’t contributing to it. Just let his anger go on this one, but I would do some soul searching and just let these things go? It’s their day. Plan for your family’s accommodations if you need to, and dont butt into your son’s wedding planning if you aren’t going to offer to help find solutions to the problems you are bringing up.

Coming from someone who has an opinionated mom... you have no say on their wedding, what time dinner is at, where it's at, or what they do about the hotel. If the hotel is selling out, tell your family to book now instead of waiting for him to do something he obviously will not be doing. They don't need to have any activities, maybe that's something that isn't appealing to them. I would be pissed if my mom started trying to dictate my day. It's not your wedding, it's theirs.

Wait... were you saying the should do a lunch on the same day as their wedding?!

Re: #3, the hotel room block. Like others have said, you could book a block of rooms for your side of the family if you wish. However, I adamantly disagree with doing this behind your son & his SO's backs, primarily because to your relatives, it will all appear to be happening with the couple's approval and they will innocently reach out to the couple, effectively placing the couple in a position of answering questions about the room block, the hotel location, etc. that they know little about. That is a surefire way to add to their stress and further strain your relationship during what should be a joyous occasion.

Instead, communicate to them that you would like to reserve a separate hotel block under your own name and manage those logistics for any guests who choose to book within that block. Expect that the couple will likely still be annoyed. The conversation will at least provide them with an opportunity to set clear boundaries for who will be responsible for the room block and caring for those guests. As an example, if your son and his SO are planning welcome gift bags, it is only right that you then accept responsibility for the cost of creating additional bags and delivering them to the guests who are staying in your room block. Also, that you stay in that room block yourself as the family "ambassador" for those guests.

I'm currently planning my wedding in New Jersey. I'm from Nebraska, and the majority of the guests from my side will be coming from out of state. My FH's family and the majority of his side, will all be within 30 minutes of our venue. The closest airport to our venue is an hour and a half. So when I started planning I really wanted to find a way to provide some form of transportation for my family. Logistically it didn't make sense though. Everyone wouldn't be on the same flight, so trying to coordinate some sort of shuttle and making people wait at the airport both the day they arrive and the day they leave didn't seem realistic. Also we have family and friends who would likely add on extra days to sightsee around the area and so again it would make coordinating a nightmare. Multiple people reminded me that travel and transportation is something that most people factor in when they RSVP to a wedding and while it would be a very nice gesture it's absolutely not expected and that some people would prefer their own transportation again to be able to sightsee, and do what they want and not be trapped basically at the hotel. It also would not be fair to provide so much towards one side and not the other just because of how far they're traveling.

So to me, everything you're saying about entertaining your family, reminds me of this situation with my family. And if my parents pushed me like it seems like you're pushing your son, I'd have more than a few arguments with them as well. It's their wedding yes, but they are not responsible for entertaining and providing transportation for an entire side of a family for a whole weekend. They are putting a lot into one specific day and again, how would it be fair for them to do all of this for your side but not any one else's?

Hello me and my mom get up set with each other.At less you trying to Help my mom don’t help until she don’t see me ,when she do want to help I don’t let her cos she know I am getting married and it’s slits of work but he don’t want to make him mad this is his wedding and not yours. I will always have issues with my family about my wedding day if they can make it then I will be happy if they can’t make it I will also be happy cos it my wedding

Sorry, but it's your son's wedding. Whether you like how he's handling things or not really isn't an opinion for you to have. I imagine he's not actually upset about you paying for transportation, but that it's just one more way you're trying to get your way on his day. Please just stop with suggestions unless asked for. Its their money, it's their wedding, it's their time. If you want to take out of town family to lunch or something then do it on your own, but it's not your responsibility. Yes, they own the whole weekend as long as it pertains to his event.

Edit: Wow, now I am rereading and youre saying you could just skip the wedding...of your own son. No wonder he got upset and yelled at you. Please, for the sake of you and your son's relationship, back off and just let them do what they want. Show up and nod your head and follow along. None of this is about you.

View Quoted Comment I’m not sure what state you’re in or if they have hired bartenders, but in my state it is legally required for there to be food available while alcohol is available. If your state has similar regulations, the only way they would get around that is doing exclusively self-serve since it’s on private property.

View Quoted Comment I agree with you on leaving early, UNLESS there is an event or responsibility that has been previously discussed. My main examples are if (for some unlikely reason) the son REALLY wants his mom to be there for a grand exit, or if she has already agreed to help break down decor/take stuff in their car. Although if it’s on the Bride’s private property there might be some discussion with her family if they can return in the AM to help instead