Hi all,
I got married on 9/25 and it was the most fun, incredible day! I went against some common things I've seen written on here over the last several months, so I wanted to share what we did and why it worked for us.
1. We had about 65 guests in an outdoor but covered venue, just one space for both ceremony and reception. I intentionally chose a small space so that we could give our family a clear line for how many people we were willing to invite (our max was 80, because of covid we wound up with 65 and it was perfect).
2. We splurged on an excellent DJ, caterer, and photographer. We also had a nice cake and florist but that was less important to us/less $. Those are the only vendors we hired. We did not create any custom signage for the event at all. Our caterer created menus for the buffets and bars. We did not have a planner or day-of coordinator, we didn't do any favors or welcome bags for guests, etc.
3. We both got dressed together in our apartment (we didn't have a bridal party) and took an Uber over to our venue together. We spent about 2.5 hours before the ceremony getting couple/single portraits and shots with both of our immediate families.
4. We were both out greeting our guests as they arrived, not hiding away before the ceremony. I was SO happy to have this time. Even though it was only around 15-20 minutes, I feel like I was able to connect with so many more of our guests because of it. It also felt like a party immediately, rather than a ceremony followed by a party.
5. We did not do a formal processional! Part way through the last song of the pre-ceremony music, we both just walked up the aisle casually together and called it a day. It happened so fast that no one had time to think about whether it was "awkward" or "weird" - both things I had been worried about beforehand.
6. Our ceremony was only about 5-10 minutes long, officiated by a very good friend. We started it by all three of us taking a whiskey shot together. A few people commented on the short length, but only to say that it was perfect and very "us".
7. We left for really only a few moments during cocktail hour for extended family group photos and just a couple shots of the two of us. We were there for almost the whole time, enjoying drinks and the passed hors d'oeuvres we selected!
8. We had a semi-cocktail style reception with 3 food stations that were all open for about an hour. We did NOT have assigned seating or assigned tables, and we did NOT have enough chairs for everyone - although it was very close to being enough and we did have several high-top cocktail tables around so everyone at least had a place to perch, and there was some outdoor lounge furniture in an adjacent room which people also took advantage of throughout the night. This went absolutely smoothly and created the vibe we wanted. In fact, so many people chose to stand and mingle that there were always at least a couple of empty chairs available in case someone wanted to sit. People who wanted to sit down to eat were all able to do so. People who were happy to stand around a high-top table to eat (this included us, which I think is an important factor in making this work) did that. For the most part, our family sat and our friends stood, but
9. The only "entertainment" we had at our reception was a DJ, pretty much. We had 3 very short toasts plus a short welcome from us, we did the Hora (this really helped get the dancing going), but other than that there were no traditional dances, no formal cake cutting, no bouquet toss, no games or any other choreographed moments throughout the night. Just dancing and mingling. Everyone had a great time. The whole thing ran 6pm-11pm and then we went to a bar with some friends.
So ultimately my advice is be thoughtful and of course consider your guests' comfort, but do what YOU want. There is a way to make it work.
Also, our DJ gave us great advice beforehand: if you care about having a certain vibe or energy at your event, that starts with YOU. If there is a specific place you want people to be hanging out, be there. If you want people to dance, start dancing. If you want to encourage people to go get a plate of food, go get a plate of food yourself. If you want people to stand around a cocktail table and mingle while they eat dinner...you get the picture.
Our first priorities in planning were to make sure we had a lot of fun and to minimize the stress we felt before and during. This led us to be really intentional about not freaking out over the small details, and instead just hire good vendors and let them do their jobs, and I'm so glad we did. From the moment we arrived at the venue for photos until 3am when we left the dive bar after party with our friends, I felt ZERO stress or worry. It was just a super fun party.
