My wedding disaster... (trigger warning)

View Quoted Comment Definitely nothing I’d ever imagined to happen after such a fun day!


Most wedding disaster posts I’ve seen are about the wrong cake, or a vendor not showing up. My photographers were late and everything else went perfect! We didn’t get all the poses in for pictures I wanted to, but my anxiety was so bad because I knew something was going to happen. My life is seriously a tragedy. If people didn’t believe this post, I’m not going to elaborate, because without knowing me, you’d seriously never believe anything else about my life...

View Quoted Comment Wow, yeah I cant even imagine. It sounds like you need to go to a place like bora bora, Or the less expensive alternative Maldives. A nice crystal clear beach with a vow renewal in a beach dress and him in shorts. Good luck

View Quoted Comment I don’t want to get rid of all the memories, some were great! Like spending his last moments in his comforting arms... I never want to forget how genuinely special he was as a human and as a friend!


I just want some special and happy memories to be able to consume a whole day to themselves that doesn’t end in disaster! I was just looking for some ideas on what that might be.

View Quoted Comment Thank you...

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I’m so so sorry for your loss and the trauma you endured with everything surrounding your wedding day! It honestly just sounded so absolutely awful that it was just borderline unbelievable, like I would never think that much could go wrong for someone’s wedding. The fact that you are holding it together through this is amazing, and I feel for you. I think a private “Do Over” would be a wonderful idea, maybe at a park, Bed and Breakfast or retreat somewhere you can stay for a long getaway!

View Quoted Comment Thank you. Any recommendations on places to stay there?


My other issue, is that I don’t want to do anything like that on our wedding anniversary, because I know how hard death anniversaries are and I want to be here for his family and our friends. Maybe we can go on our dating anniversary.

View Quoted Comment Agreed. Maybe save up for a little while and you and your husband take a trip together somewhere once all the chaos has settled down and have a private vow renewal, just the two of you. You said you regretted not just eloping to Vegas... maybe you guys should do that!

View Quoted Comment Thank you. We’ve been getting that a lot in our community. We live in a small town where everyone knows everyone and most are related somehow. Everyone knew about the fight and Morgan’s death by the time I went back to work, (I took some extra days off because I just couldn’t face anyone yet), and I spent the first couple weeks back in tears most everyday because my customers would say the same thing, they couldn’t believe this was my life. Tragedy seriously surrounds us and it’s unbelievable almost all the time!


The saying “if it wasn’t for bad luck, I’d have none at all...” seriously seems to be the motto I’m surrounded by.

View Quoted Comment In Bora Bora Thalasso resort is a dream! Angaga in Maldives is good as well(haven’t been there my FHs brother went). And you certainly don’t need to have a Vow renewal on your wedding anniversary. Pick a completely different date! You can even use that date as your “anniversary “. Your “wedding anniversary date” is nothing more than the point in time when the government acknowledges you as legally husband and wife. I think having a vow renewal on a completely different date and celebrating that date as your anniversary would be much more meaningful every year that it comes up. I guess the important thing to remember is not every story is cookie cutter picture perfect, but that it’s your story and if anyone questions why you celebrate your anniversary on a different date and once you tell them I’m sure they will obviously understand.

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I believe life has it’s seasons, and I know from experience I’ve had seasons of what seemed like bad luck streaks. It will get better...it just has to at some point! In the meantime, treat yourself in any way you can!

Have you considered therapy?

I'm not saying that offensively. I truly am asking, have you thought about grief counseling?

While at first the way you mentioned your friend's death seemed a bit odd to me, reading more of your posts, it is so very clear that you feel guilty - that you feel your wedding somehow caused the tragedy that led to your friend's death - and I'm not sure that the wedding itself is really what is bothering you.

I am just a stranger on the Internet, but I genuinely think you should look into grief counseling first. I don't think a do-over will make you feel better - at least not about what appears to actually be hurting you right now. Please consider it.

As for do-overs, there are many lovely places that will do intimate vow renewals. This depends where you would like to go. You could go somewhere far, like the Maldives, or somewhere near, like the Caribbean. Many resorts will set it up for you, easy as pie. I'm also a fan of A Paradise Dream Wedding in Maui, which is how I almost eloped - really lovely photos, and they will go as simple or as fancy with add-ons as you want. Also won't require a passport.

View Quoted Comment I love this idea and I thank you for the destination suggestions! I am very weird and have OCD about numbers, so 4-3-21 was perfect! But maybe something like 2-2-22 would satisfy the OCD in my head.


I just don’t feel like celebrating our wedding anniversary on his death anniversary is going to ever be ok...

View Quoted Comment My bad luck streak started the day I was born!


Short summary:6 pregnancies (one was a set of twins), I have 1 living child of my own, and 2 kids from my hubby’s previous marriage, (our oldest son is terminally ill and has had 4 brain surgeries already)Many random and rare health conditions for myself (way too many to list)Surgery #15 for me is in 2 weeks (I’m 31)The memorial board I made for our wedding included pictures of over 60 people, (all who we’ve lost just in the last 5 years, didn’t have enough room for any prior except a few like grandparents etc)Sexually assaulted as a young child by my cousin who was 11 years older than me.Raised with an abusive alcoholic father until CPS finally removed me from my home at 14.My ex husband is married to the girl who was my best friend while him and I were married.
Like seriously people tell me we need to make a movie about my life! But it definitely has its blessings!

View Quoted Comment Thank you, I didn’t take it offensively! I have been going to counseling since I was 10. Can’t imagine getting through life without him sometimes! I do feel guilty, I’m trying to work through it, but the “what if’s” always eat me alive even when I know it’s over something out of my hands...


Thanks for the location suggestions also!

View Quoted Comment Trust me I get that 100%. My brother-in-law died on my birthday from cancer, so my birthday has honestly never been the same. Haven’t had any sort of birthday party for myself since and usually celebrate it a few days after or the weekend after.

View Quoted Comment I’m sorry to hear that... Death dates can definitely change a day for sure!

I'm so sorry for your loss. That sounds unimaginably heartbreaking.

I agree that a private renewal on a different date in some far-off place sounds like the re-do that would be best. Vegas or some white sand beach and a focus on you and your husband's love would be very romantic and memorable.

Also, I think you're in the Siskyou area, I'm only a few hours south of there Small world.