My wedding is 09/19/2021 and i am so depressed because of the whole Covid-19. I'm truly scared to start planning and then we have to reschedule our we

I've said this many times and will continue to say it. The world will not shut down again like it did earlier this year because of Covid. It was an economical disaster and no one can afford to do it again. Now with that said, I understand your worries and concerns, but if you spend all this time worrying you'll never fully enjoy the part of planning your dream wedding. I suspect masks will be here to stay for a while (let's home not by the time your wedding is, but better to prepare for it now then be disappointed later).

My wedding is just over 80-days away in the good ole hot spot of Southern FL. I can stress and freak out or I can continue to plan as normal and deal with things as they do become a real issue. I can't control everything (as much as my mind wants me to) - but I can control how I react. I choose not to stress and it's a daily chore and struggle. But if I stress, I'll become sad and unhappy. Life is better when we're happy than when we're sad.

I had the same concerns which is why we went ahead and rescheduled it from August 2021 to August 2022, in hopes that things will get better. I know some people are saying things won't shut down again, but I really think it depends on what area you live in. I'm in Northern CA and things have already shut down again just like they did when all this first started. We are going backwards. Either way, don't let the pandemic take over what should be a happy time, you can still plan and enjoy everything. Just think outside the box and remember that this all about you and your FH.

As someone planned a wedding only to have everything be upended by COVID, I definitely understand where you're coming from. It's reasonable to expect that you'll be able to have a wedding next September, but it's good to keep in mind that things could change. I don't want to put more pressure on you, but everything is getting booked faster than usual for 2021, so you really should start talking to vendors ASAP. Having to plan a wedding at the last minute when no one's available for you to hire will be worse than doing it now. The best thing you can do to make the process less miserable is to make a backup plan. Try to think of a way that you could get married with covid restrictions and still be happy with it, so if you end up having to reschedule the wedding you imagined, at least you'll be married while you wait for the new date to come. Also, talk to your vendors about what their policies on postponing are so you know what to expect if it comes up.

Thank you ladies

View Quoted Comment This is not the best way to think about this.


You are correct that life is better when we're happy than when we're sad (that's actually a pretty good way to think about things) and if you can choose not to stress, that's great for you. But some people cannot just choose to not be stressed out. They can choose how they cope with stress, but that is very much NOT the same as deciding to be happy.
You are also correct that no one can afford for everything to shut down again, but that doesn't mean it won't happen. There are several governors and mayors in the US taking steps backward in their reopening and threatening to go even further if the situation doesn't improve. But if the situation doesn't improve, it won't be okay to return to normal life even if everything's open. I live in MA, where covid was running rampant from late March through early May. If our wedding had been scheduled during that period of time we would 100% have canceled it, even if we had technically been allowed to have it. It would have meant losing out on tens of thousands of dollars and that we wouldn't have been able to afford a wedding like the one we'd planned later on. I'd rather lose tons of money than lose any of my friends and relatives because I decided to invite them to something that turned out to be unsafe, and I think most people would agree that that's a good trade-off.

View Quoted Comment This is not the best way to think about this.


You are correct that life is better when we're happy than when we're sad (that's actually a pretty good way to think about things) and if you can choose not to stress, that's great for you. But some people cannot just choose to not be stressed out. They can choose how they cope with stress, but that is very much NOT the same as deciding to be happy.
You are also correct that no one can afford for everything to shut down again, but that doesn't mean it won't happen. There are several governors and mayors in the US taking steps backward in their reopening and threatening to go even further if the situation doesn't improve. But if the situation doesn't improve, it won't be okay to return to normal life even if everything's open. I live in MA, where covid was running rampant from late March through early May. If our wedding had been scheduled during that period of time we would 100% have canceled it, even if we had technically been allowed to have it. It would have meant losing out on tens of thousands of dollars and that we wouldn't have been able to afford a wedding like the one we'd planned later on. I'd rather lose tons of money than lose any of my friends and relatives because I decided to invite them to something that turned out to be unsafe, and I think most people would agree that that's a good trade-off.

It's impossible to know what's going to happen with the COVID situation, but putting your life on hold for over a year also isn't an option. We're scheduled for June 27, 2021 and we're planning like normal and assuming we'll be okay.

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Please note what I did say

" I can stress and freak out or I can continue to plan as normal and deal with things as they do become a real issue. I can't control everything (as much as my mind wants me to) - but I can control how I react. I choose not to stress and it's a daily chore and struggle." - At the end of the day, it's up to YOU to decide how you react or cope or whatever..... I CHOOSE NOT TO STRESS and it IS A DAILY CHORE AND STRUGGLE. I have to make a conscious choice every time I go down the road of stressing. I don't know your age, but I can tell you that the older you get the more you learn to understand how life really works and where to spend your time and energy. I've lived life, I've lived many lives and have experienced more than than I'd like to admit at times, but each one of those experiences taught me something. It taught me how to look at things differently.

As for Hailma and many other future brides going through these difficult times, they too have to find THEIR WAY! All we can do is give them our own personal perspective and what they take from our words is up to them.

MA and many states are quite unique as you never fully reopened. I live in a state that is still in phase 2. But if you're listening to the news and actually hearing what they say you'll see a pattern. Things will not go back to the normal of pre-covid, but things WILL get better and the WORLD as I noted initially will not shut down again. Each state / county / city is different and they have their own rules but again, that's up to each person to watch and monitor for themselves.

I monitor 5 states every day to see what has changed because I HAVE TO. The one thing I haven't seen change is states / counties / cities going back to a full Phase 1. They are putting stricter restrictions in place, but not one is actually shutting down again, rather they remain in their phase 2 or some states is phase 4.5. I never said things would be "NORMAL" (pre-covid).

I'm sorry you had to deal with the stress of a true Covid wedding and all the upheavals that go with it, I wish that on no one. But I also don't wish anyone to stress so much that wedding planning turns out to be chore versus a happy time. You plan what you can plan without stress and hope for the best on the rest.

I get the stress 100% and can totally relate, but I am pretty sure that the political will to have continued lockdowns is going to wane by then. The history of pandemics is on our side. More likely than not, covid will be in circulation forever like the flu or the norovirus, and we will just have to find ways to cope with it and slowly develop broader immunity.

ALSO the early lockdowns were because we had no data on the true mortality rate and had a real fear of overwhelming hospitals. We now have much more data and have spent tons of money to expand hospital capacity and produce ppe and drugs, which means the most draconian measurea (stay at home orders) are off the table.

I am getting married March of 2021 and we have started to have conversations about what would happen if covid strikes again especially considering we are planning on honeymooning in Panama City Beach FL. Just go ahead and plan or push it back. Things are getting booked so fast now because a lot of the 2020 brides had to postpone or cancel. We hope we can still have our wedding as planned but if we can't then we will have a plan B. We are still getting married and going on our honeymoon regardless even if our plans have to change slightly.

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I'm not going to respond to anything else you say on this topic because this conversation is no longer wedding-related and it's definitely not what this space is for, but I felt strongly about a few things you said in your initial response and I hope you'll consider them moving forward.

I said that not everyone can choose not to have stress, but they can choose how they deal with it. You responded by quoting yourself saying, "I choose not to stress," and following it up with, "it's up to YOU to decide how you react or cope or whatever." It's impossible to react to something that doesn't exist. The way you cope with stress is a choice. Having it is not. It's important to acknowledge the difference because for people who are really struggling to deal with stress, telling them to choose to be happy is unhelpful and can dissuade them from seeking treatment or working on developing coping mechanisms that will help them handle it better.

As for Halima and many other future brides going through these difficult times, they do have to find their way. But the reason to come on these forums is to hear from other brides who have already gone through things, so we don't each have to learn everything the hard way. I know I would feel lost if I were starting to plan right now, and I try to answer people's questions in a way that will make their lives easier based on my experience. I definitely didn't say anything suggesting that Halima or anyone else on here has to take my advice.

It's accurate that my state has not completely reopened, but we're doing a lot better in regards to the virus than most other states are. "But if you're listening to the news and actually hearing what they say you'll see a pattern." Yes, it shows that a lot of states that have opened more fully have a serious problem on their hands right now. Nine are reversing the direction of their reopening plans and many of their governors have refused to rule out a second shut down.

However, that is missing 100% of my point. What I wanted to make clear was that it doesn't really matter whether things are actually open, what matters to me is whether or not it's reasonable to assume that people I invite to celebrate me and my fiancé will be safe if they choose to attend our event. I gave the hypothetical example of what my choice would have been if our wedding had been planned for a few months earlier AND everything had been open on that date, because I wanted to illustrate the fact that government restrictions on gatherings are not the only coronavirus related factors to consider when planning a wedding in the near future.

You're right, you didn't say that things would be back to normal, but I didn't quote you at all in my previous response. What you did say (to be clear, I'm paraphrasing here) was that there won't be another shut down and everyone should just plan as if things are going to be fine. The post we were both responding to was a question about whether other brides were also scared and depressed about having to reschedule because things are/may not be okay, so and answer it by saying that things will be fine does not really offer an answer, empathy, or usable advice.

I think the thing from your response that really prompted me to write this much back to you was the fact that it made it seem like you were minimizing how much people need to care about it. Regardless of what you think about your personal risk, or how much it should impact someone's wedding planning, I think we can agree that it's an issue that exists. If that's the case, it's probably better to at least acknowledge that when advising anyone on anything. If everyone going around saying that it's going to be fine, people will not act to make that come true, which will inevitably make it worse.

Good luck with whatever is going on with your wedding planning, and please try to really think about what you're saying before you freak out at people on the internet.

Sadly, I don’t think there’s any bride on here who doesn’t have some level of doubt. Last month we postponed from 10/10/20 to 10/30/21. And even still I’m not feeling 100%. However, I’m much more hopeful about life next year than now. But hopeful is all I can be.

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I don't think anyone is expecting that Margaret is a policymaker or anyone in a position of power to determine whether things will shut down again or not. She is an internet stranger just like the rest of us, that is her opinion, and anyone reading a forum like this really ought to be able to recognize that this is, in fact, a bunch of internet strangers giving their opinions.

Personally (since I guess we need that disclaimer?), I think some states are going to have/consider another shutdown while others aren't, and that is largely going to cut along political lines (yes, I know Baker is technically a Republican). It's possible we could have a national shutdown, or not, depending on the results of the election.

And I also just want to point out - while also acknowledging that this isn't the place for a Covid discussion - a disagreement I have with regards to the statements "It's accurate that my state has not completely reopened, but we're doing a lot better in regards to the virus than most other states are...Yes, it shows that a lot of states that have opened more fully have a serious problem on their hands right now". First, cases may be down, but cumulatively MA isn't "doing a lot better" than other states. It's #4 in total deaths per million residents. Could that change? Absolutely...but a month into the wave in TX/FL/AZ, the per capita numbers are *very* different than what we saw back in March. The first wave in the Northeast was much more severe than the trajectory that these other states are on. Again, could change, but that's not where we're headed.

And just like Margaret offered an opinion, which I am as well, your implication that the states' reopening correlated with the outbreak is an opinion as well. Many of these states opened in mid-April and didn't see case numbers go up until mid-June, and other states that didn't open are seeing outbreaks as well (CA). It's pretty clear that what people were doing at the end of May/early June is what led to these spikes. Maybe that was a Memorial Day barbecue and maybe that was a protest.

I say all this to point out that a lot of what you get on the internet (and in the media in general) is colored by people's opinions and interpretations of the situation.

View Quoted Comment Internet stranger here: regardless of who wins the election, we will not have a nationwide shutdown. It's likely unconstitutional and also would not poll well. I have not heard a peep about a national stay-at-home order from either party while at work.

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I think your comment + my comment are a great example of how even just two people can interpret the same information differently. I think we definitely won't have a national shutdown if 45 is re-elected; I think it's possible if he's not - while my dad thinks there's no way there will be a shutdown if Biden wins, because it wouldn't poll well and would tank "his" economy. So much of this is political on both sides. And I agree with you it's likely unconstitutional, though I thought that about the state-level restrictions too so who knows.

As to OP - if you just got engaged, I might try to wait until next year to plan anything and have in your head a target date of 2022 for a wedding. I think back to the wedding things I got to do before Covid, especially dress shopping, and it was so much more carefree and fun. I would want as much as possible about my wedding to not have this cloud of negativity over it, so if you can wait, I would. Enjoy being engaged and revisit maybe spring of next year, when we are likely to be closer to the end of this. By doing that, you'll also avoid booking with a vendor who might go out of business by then. That's just my 2 cents.

However, you *do* have a huge advantage over 2020 brides. We got blindsided by this, especially spring and summer brides. Many people, based on stories I've read, didn't really read their contracts or ask worst-case-scenario questions. You have the knowledge to go into this with a critical eye, ask questions, make sure your contracts say what you want them to say and get a feel for which vendors will work with you and which won't. Learn from all of us.

View Quoted Comment I think all of you guys had excellent points I honestly don’t think the government can actually afford another shutdown. I will definitely try not to think the worse and try my very best not to stress myself out. I truly appreciate all of your opinions and I thank you guys for easing my nerves! I wish you all the best