My wedding is not your family reunion! Vent!

Gurl, you're not the only one. We are being forced to invite 8 unwanted extended family members, and already they are the ONLY ones complaining about how we are planning our wedding. One day missing the RSVP deadline and they are uninvited!

(Maybe not, but a bride can dream).

This is not your problem. Let FH handle it. No need for you to be involved.

I am dealing with something similar. My FMIL has invited estranged family and ALL of her co-workers and their spouses/SO. She is paying for some of the wedding so I feel like I can't say anything. It is so hard doing a seating chart b/c half of them can't/won't sit with other family members. Ugh! The part that makes me crazy is that my FH and I had to cut our friends because she kept adding "must haves" to the list. We don't even know most of them... can't wait to make the rounds at our wedding and introduce ourselves to our guests!

No pay no say

You're in control with your FH. Remember that. You're sending out the invitations right? Let your FH give her the memo if she's not listening to you. But she can't go inviting everyone. Sometimes you gotta put your foot down a bit more firmer.

Now that we're finally sending out the invitations this battle is over with our parents.

However, now new issues are popping up: my mom told me this past week, as nonchalantly as can be, that our family hairstylist we've known my whole life (who is invited to the wedding) has been inviting her assistants to come watch the ceremony because she "feels bad" about them not being included. I was like, are you guys freaking kidding me? Just because you're invited does NOT mean you can then go around inviting additional people that YOU believe should be included. My mom then got kind of defensive and was like, well they're only staying for the ceremony and not the reception so it's not a big deal.

I don't understand how she, and my hairstylist, don't get that, regardless of if it's "just the ceremony" or not, they cannot just go around telling anyone that they can come. I'm sure the venue CAN pull up a couple extra chairs for the ceremony, but that's completely beside the point. I'm pissed that they even think this is okay. I told my mom that SHE has the responsibility of clearing it with my DOC and if the DOC says no then she'll have to tell all the assistants they're not actually invited.

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Girl, I'm with you. FH and I had to cut friends for extended family and parent friends we barely know, too. Both sets of parents are contributing to the wedding, too, so I've gotten into many a fight with my mom over it. My mom firmly believes that it's not just "our" wedding, but an event for her too -- and while she's not wrong and I understand where she's coming from, it definitely has felt like she cares more about what others think than her own daughter who's getting married and who I want to celebrate my wedding with. At least I've met the majority of her guests though! I feel for you not even knowing a lot of yours.

Its pretty common for weddings to be family reunions, so try to understand where she is coming from even if you have to say no.

Parents and grandparents like showing off their kids/grandkids, so also think of it as, she's super proud of her son and that you will be joining the family, and wants to share it with as many of her family and friends as possible.

I feel your pain on this one. Some people just don't seem to understand wedding etiquette. If you're like me, your venue can only hold so many bodies -- so it was pretty easy to draw the line (although she still rags on me about it). I wish you the best of luck, but know you're not even remotely alone on this one.

So I did not say it to her as my FMIL gave us money, but I told my FH that the amount of money she gives us will be how many people she is aloud to invite. She gave us more than planned and invited under the amount so we did not say a word. But I told my parents if you want to invite friends of coworkers you will be paying for them

View Quoted Comment Ugh... we it's kinda nice to know that I am not the only one dealing with this crazy... and everyone always says "brides get so crazy and Stress about unnecessary things" um wonder if they ever stopped to think that people's bad behavior pushed them there or that "unnecessary things" is no control over a milestone day that is YOUR SPECIAL DAY!?!
At least the invites are going out next week so that part of the saga will be over. We are 104 guests over our budget thanks to our FMIL- so I guess that will be the next thing I get to secretly worry about while everyone around me says "don't worry everything works out on the big day, you just need to relax." 🙄 Ugh!

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104??? Hell no. I would have just found a smaller venue to spite them, lol. Seriously though, no one needs to invite 104 EXTRA people to YOUR day if that is not what you want!!!

Damn, I hope I do not turn into MOMZILLA when my daughter gets married, haha.

You are not alone, obviously! But this is exactly how FMIL is with her whole family. My mom too! Weddings make them family crazy.

I hear you on this, except it is my own mother insisting on random people! She'll just say "Well so and so needs to be there, so I'll just pay you for them." We chose our venue because it limited our guest list to 100 and our families have made it so difficult.

Nothing I can do at this point- about 40 of them are her work friends and their spouses. I did draw the line at children!!! My FH isn't happy either but won't say anything so I feel like I can't either... I refuse to let her cause animosity in our relationship. Seriously is such a crappy feeling to be addressing invites thinking "oh I hope you can't come!" If everyone RSVP's we are $9K over budget and my FH will have to get into his savings to pay the balance 😤
SMH- at least I have learned how not to behave!!!

Let her throw another reception/party and invite whomever she wants. If she is really bothered by the current invite list she will. And she can pay for it.

You are not alone, I was a bridesmaid in a wedding in which the grooms family (mother, aunts, cousins) asked the photographer to take tons of pictures of each of their families. As in people the bride had not ever properly met they were posing for family photos like it was a JCPenny’s shoot. It was like a family reunion on their side and they were taking advantage of getting free pictures. The photographer (who was suggested by someone on the groom’s side) I guess didn’t think she could say no to all these requests, so she spent an extra hour just taking family portrait style pictures while dinner had commenced. The bride was not happy as you can imagine.

I really hope she doesn’t marry you! That’s all we got our weddings and funerals and then we die. That’s what family is. Let her meet somebody that can make her happy and not be miserable and jealous.


I take it you don’t have a big family. I don’t even have to ask.

View Quoted Comment That’s absolutely the saddest thing I ever heard. They’re about to start a life together as one. No pain no say? Gross attitude.