My wife & i are already married (courthouse wedding in 2020). She was diagnosed with als 2 years ago. Is it trashy/cheesy to have a 2nd wedding?

The cleanest way of doing this is to do this as a celebration of your marriage. With you being sent overseas, that forced a short-cut to broader plans that otherwise was not much in your control. This also is best if people know the circumstances -- that you have already married but this is the celebration you have wanted earlier. If people are aware of your wife suffering ALS, they may be compassionate to help make this a wonderful experience.

The situation is messier when people are deceived by thinking you are not yet married. So people can get upset at that. If you can indicate that this was the wedding celebration you wished to have 5 years ago but was delayed, that puts it in more reasonable light. But remember that a minister may not be able to declare that you are now husband and wife. This might only be able to be more affirming you are husband and wife.

I hope there is some better advice and that this can work out special for everyone. Maybe others will be able to chime in and help you navigate the options.

I would have a "celebration of marriage" or a "vow renewal" or even a lavish anniversary party. Either way I feel like it's a great way to celebrate in a way you couldn't before. My best wishes on the health of your wife.

It’s tacky to do a second wedding acting like it’s your first. It’s not tacky to do a vow renewal or anniversary celebration where you do many traditional wedding things but aren’t deceiving anyone into thinking you’re not already married. Enjoy your party!

I think also that if you plan a ceremony/celebration with a minister you could consider the first marriage event at the one for civil/state purposes and this one as your marriage in light of the religion context. It may be also be possible for the minister to say "I now consider you married in the eyes of God." That avoids a statement that might be interpreted as an official conflicting declaration of marriage.

I'm so sorry to hear about your wife's diagnosis ALS sucks and can be so hard on the person and family. If you can make a happy occasion for your wife I say do it. Wishing you all the best

There is nothing wrong with a “celebration of marriage” though since it’s many years later, in this situation I would probably call it an anniversary party and vow renewal. Your celebration can be as big or formal as you like. The only thing that is frowned upon are fake weddings where guests are fooled into thinking they are there to witness the actual wedding ceremony.


I’m not typically the biggest advocate of “vow renewals” since IMO vows shouldn’t “expire” but I would challenge anyone who would question your plan to celebrate and exchange promises in the face of these challenges.
Wishing you the very best.