Name change- yay or nay?

This one came up for FH and I a few months ago. I had always planned to keep my maiden name, because it is such a piece of my identity, and my niece, my cousin, and I are the last ones in our family with our last name and are all women. And I agree with you 100% on it being an antiquated, sexist tradition. So I was really surprised to realize that I do want FH and I to share a name - for me it's a signal to the rest of the world that we're a family unit.

I struggled with whether I wanted to take his name outright, hyphenate, etc., and we had some tough conversations about it. I wanted him to understand that it was a big deal for me to consider giving up my name, and that I was really torn about it. What I think ultimately got my point across was writing out all of the options for both of us - me taking his name, him taking mine, both of us hyphenating. Seeing his name with my last name attached and realizing it didn't feel entirely comfortable helped him understand what I was grappling with. (Interestingly, he had no issue with the idea of me keeping my last name for professional reasons, which he assumed was why I was hemming and hawing but actually didn't matter to me at all - but then I have a pretty uncommon first name.)

I've landed on having two last names - keeping mine and adding his. On a day-to-day basis, my plan is to regularly use both (FirstName MaidenName MarriedName). I still haven't figured out how it's going to work legally, though. I don't really want to hyphenate because we'd likely be alphabetized differently (which might be a silly reason, and I may still decide to go that route). Legally, I'm not sure if the same would apply if I just had two last names, and I'm actually not sure if you CAN have two last names, legally.

One result of this is that we won't be emphasizing anyone's last name on our wedding day. We'll be announced as "Newlyweds FirstName and FirstName!" and none of our décor, hashtags, etc. involve last names. When we do our exit at the end of the evening, our send-off may use our married names, but that will be it. I want the day to be about us as people who are equal partners, not about what names we choose to use.

All that to say: Do what feels right to you! Think through what's important to you and why, talk that through with your FH until he understands, and make sure you're comfortable with the name you'll be presenting to the world - it IS your identity, and it's important that it feels like you!

Putting your last name on his is a good exercise! As OP said, I think it's a pretty antiquated expectation for women to change their names. I'm doing similar to you, but legally just replacing my middle name with my maiden name and taking his last name. I want us to have the same name, primarily for future children but also because we are becoming one family. That said, I also want us to feel equal, and he's joining my family as much as I'm joining his, so the compromise we struck was that he would ALSO change his middle name to my maiden name. Now we share two names and sometimes go by both but other times just by his name. I like that he's legally added my name to his, and it gives us both a lot of flexibility.

I love that, what a great way to do it!