Name Change

I would definitely make in known to guests before hand. You'll want your last name on things and shown to be proud of your future last name.

I would use the new last name, but first he needs to have his name legally changed. Since he isn't changing it for marriage purposes he would have to go before a judge to have it changed.

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We can't change it at the same time? I was thinking we could, like those who combine last names, don't they change theirs at the same time?

View Quoted Comment He could change his last name to yours/add yours to his and you could change your last name to his/add his to yours, but you can’t just change the last name to one neither of you legally has.

View Quoted Comment I believe it varies from state to state since you are trying to change from a completely different last name than either one of you have. I would check in the state that you live in to what the process is.

Hm. I guess that makes sense. I'll look more into it now then, to make sure we don't have to get that process started. Good thing we're still over a year away for getting married!

Yes, you have to get his name changed first. This could be a lengthy process thru the courts. Once he gets his name change document he has to go thru the same process you will when you get married, Social Security office, DMV (driver's license), bank/credit cards, car lease/loan, housing lease/loan, etc. It takes a least 3 months. Then when you apply for a marriage license he will have his new name and you can check the box to change your last name to his.

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Yeah, definitely check. I live in NY and when we went we were told that with the marriage license you can take one of each others' last names, or a combination of the two names, but for a different name entirely it has to be petitioned through the court, which put a bit of a damper on our original plan of coming up with a new last name together.

Thank you ladies! I have looked through the state information, and let him know! We are going to get started on that next week (while we're both on vacation!).

With that out of the way, I'm thinking his name won't be changed by time we send "Save the Dates", so should we put his current last name, or the one he is changing it to? I imagine that it'll be official by the time we are ready to send out invitations, so I'm not worried about that now.

We had the same situation. It wasn’t on STD because the decision hadn’t been made yet, but it was on invites. I also put it on the FAQ page of our website, although I’m sure no one really looked at it. Word of mouth will also be helpful

View Quoted Comment Are you doing photo cards for save the dates? That might help... but I think I’d still be pretty confused to receive a save the date from a name that I didn’t recognize. I’d just use your current names for Save the dates and invites. Maybe you can put something in the FAQs of your wedding website or a note in your registries explaining the change AFTER you’ve let your nearest and dearest know. I know it’s your name, your choice, but you already mentioned a family member being taken by surprise so I personally would want to head off any more hard feelings.

My soon to be sister-in-law went through this with her ex husband. He was in a very similar situation to your FH. He didn't get his name changed in time before they got married and so she had to marry him with the last name he no longer wanted to use. He then wanted to legally change his name and have her change her name again before they had kids. When he married his now wife, he had to legally change his name before they got married so she could take it. I'm not sure if it varies from state to state. We're in Texas and what other commenters have said is true here. You can't change your name to something that he doesn't legally have because it wouldn't technically be changed by marriage. Unfortunately, he'll have to go through a more difficult process to get his changed and then of course you change yours after you're married.

That will make the decisions from your post easier though! I would just go ahead and set everything up in planning under his new last name. (The wedding website, drafts for invitations, etc.) Then you can just follow through with it all once his name is legally changed.

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Thank you for the insight! I had told him that I was only changing my name once, so he had to decide which name he wanted, if he wanted us to have the same, and he has. He's going to start the process/paperwork next week. I did look into it for Florida, and yep, he would have to change it before hand.

I think the STD's we won't put last names, but invitations, his name should be changed by then so it'll be known, we'll be able to put his new name.

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Yes! this.

we also live in NY. they make that VERY clear when you go for the marriage license.

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I think that's perfect! I don't think we've ever received a STD with last names, so that helps eliminate that worry for you. By the time you send out the rest of your invitations, hopefully he'll have the name change and everything will be much more smooth and less stressful!