Narcissistic Mother

I'm so sorry you're going through this! Much love!

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The only thing you can do is not let it bother you. She will be the one who looks silly, not you. I realize that being raised by a narcissist results in this desire to have your own moment--and you will--but don't worry about her out shining you. It just won't happen.

So don't feed the crazy and stop fighting with her. She enjoys the attention, even if it's negative.

She's going to look like an idiot trying to grab attention for herself. None to worry my dear.

I need to see this dress.

I'm really sorry about your relationship with your mother. That kind of dynamic is really sucky and is actually really harmful growing up. That said, you can't control what other people wear, and I promise, NO ONE will outshine you. You're the bride. I almost promise that you won't care about it on your wedding day, but I totally understand that everything she does must bother you. It's tough.

Also, it's NOT her day. You know that. Everybody else knows that. If she tries to draw attention to herself in an obvious way, everyone will think she's an ass, and she'll be humiliated and it will have no reflection on you.

I second MNA. Show us the dress! Also, deep breath in and out. She will just look foolish, not you. There's no way she will outshine you and it will just be a poor reflection on her.

Yes, pics please!!!

It's just very disappointing. That she just can't give me, my one day. She just can't. Her mother and sisters even got involved. Telling her she was out of line. Now I'm suffering the consequences Bc I turned to them for help. She said "you now ruined the rest of my life with your grandmother and aunts, the brain washed you into thinking I'm a bad parent and always belittled me to you." Which isn't true at all. They took her to therapy in prior years. She ended up walking out after the therapist claimed she was narcissistic. My fiancé is doing an amazing job to help me through this time with her. But the fact of the matter is, I'm embarrassed and I'm paying for this entire wedding all by myself, my pictures will just be ruined with her in them. How can I accept the way my mother is? FYI last year she got married again and I bought her gown, paid for her hair and make up, and wore the dress she wanted me to wear. Even though I hated it. She can't even give me the same respect

So one thing I decided is to assign a bridal party member to be responsible for my mother. Pick the most responsible/assertive that is a non family member. If she gets out of line have the assigned party ask her to leave, take her home, or have a discussion.

Yes that's the problem with narcissists, when you take them to therapy and they are diagnosed as such, they are so narcissistic that they don't believe the therapist. Ironic.

How badly do you want your mother to be a part of the wedding?

Street Lawrence : I already notified my wedding coordinator, I have a strong feeling she will try stepping out of line. So good thinking too!

You all are right, she will be the one who will look ridiculous. Even though it's incredibly embarrassing, I'll just have to accept. I think I'm coming to the conclusion that I always thought my mother would give me just this one day with no drama. But I'm foolish for thinking she would be different at this time. It's heart breaking. I just want my mom to be a mom. But instead she twisted my day to be all about her.

I will not let her ruin my wedding day like she did for my prom, graduation, and my engagement. Thank you all ladies.

Narcissists love a fight. Your best bet would be to play it completely cool & cordial. The more she ruffles your feathers the more encouraged she'll be to keep doing it. You warned your wedding manager and you have other family members who have your back. Focus all of your energy on you and your FH's happiness. :-) nothing kills an attention seeker like a lack of attention.

And I promise all eyes will be on you.

OP, just remember, whatever she does is a reflection of her, not you. That's easier to say when it's just a simple guest and not a relative, especially a parent (though, by the sounds of it, that term should be used loosely to describe her), but she'll be the one looking foolish.

It's going to be hard but don't let her ruin your wedding day. As others have said, she will only make herself look foolish. She only has herself to blame if her relationship with her family is ruined over her behavior. Hang in there!

I would just make sure you have a lot of photos without her ridiculous dress..

I mean obviously take some with her too because she's your mom. But make sure you have enough so that if it's really that bad where it's embarrassing you have some without her too!

So I actually went to a wedding where this happened. MOG wore a dress that was one rhinestone away from being one of my old homecoming dresses. Trust me, she did not take any thunder or shine away from the bride.

I am so sorry this is happening! Sending good vibes!

My Mother is also a narcissist, she has made our wedding completely hers. It is so tough to not let it get to you, i've broken down many times. My mother also chose a prom dress, skin tight bright blue and gold with a sheer bodice, yup, take that all in. And she's about to turn 60.

As hard as it is to hear it and believe it, you will shine the brightest. Especially if you are cool and confident. Folks most likely know about her behavior history and will either enable it or shrug it off. I've been surprised by the folks reaching out to me offering support, along the lines of "I know how difficult your mom can be..." that has been very validating

You're strong, you can get through it, and so can I