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Master June 2019

need Advice for mil & sil Drama asap Please

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Danielle, on November 27, 2018 at 9:21 AM

I had a blowout with my future MIL and my fiance's SIL Thanksgiving night. After a lot of talking, crying, fighting, etc. with my fiance, we worked through it. Anyways, it was concluded that I was not at fault and his mom & SIL should apologize to me (and they apparently told him they would). However, 5 days later, I haven't heard from either of them. AND we live on the same property (different houses). I really can't think of a good enough excuse as to why they haven't reached out.....a simple text would be better than nothing. Anyways, his SIL (a bridesmaid) & mom (his mom has custody of his special needs daughter who is a jr.bridesmaid) were supposed to be at an appointment I made for this coming up Sunday for bridesmaid dresses. But to be honest, I don't want to be around them right now. I am still too hurt by everything, and I don't know what I should do. Should I cancel the appointment until after Christmas to give some of this drama time to work itself out (then too, I fear I'll run the risk of them thinking I'm being too sensitive or trying to create more drama)? Or, should I keep the appointment and if they show up I pretend to be ok, or if they don't show up, I pretend to be ok!?! Honestly though, I'm not sure how well I'd be able to pretend to be ok, since they haven't tried to reach out to me yet. WHAT DO I DO!?!

Also, to be honest, now I really wish I would have never asked my fiance's SIL to be a bridesmaid. I only did it, so she wouldn't feel excluded from everything (like I did at her & my future BIL's recent wedding), because my fiance's family is so close and involved with each other....and to hopefully build a better relationship between us. Retrospect, I shouldn't of done that. Can I ask her to step down (even though I don't think I'd have the guts to do so)? OR am I stuck with her in the wedding? Ugh....I feel like everything is so messed up....I thought weddings were supposed to be joyous!!

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25 Comments

Master June 2019
Danielle · on November 27, 2018 at 12:40 PM
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My mom will be there, along with all of the bridesmaids. My mom is aware of the situation, because living on the same property as all of them, I felt truly alone and attacked after everything; so I needed someone to talk to. She actually helped me and my fiance' get the words together to work through it all. I just texted my MOH to ask her opinion. I'm sure it will take a minute for a response, as it was a long text. Oh and I promise, looking for our own place away from that property has moved up on our priority list BIG TIME.
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Master June 2019
Danielle · on November 27, 2018 at 12:43 PM
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That is true, and that is the last thing I want / need. I think I will keep the appointment and just let what happens happen. I don't think I can reach out to them, but I will see if they show up and how they act and go from there. And I'm starting to realize I might not get the apology I deserve, and will end up having to be the bigger person for the sake of my fiance's happiness.
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Master September 2019
Colleen · on November 27, 2018 at 12:56 PM
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So I think maybe you need to be the bigger person. I would just send a reminder Email to them about the appointment. Just a group one just making sure everyone remembers the appointment Saturday at so and so time. Then see if they come. It sounds like you have some people there for you at this appointment.
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Dedicated May 2019
Jessica · on November 27, 2018 at 1:11 PM
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Maybe you could be the bigger person and apologize to them for your sake. If you apologize first they can’t say you never reached out. I know it’s not the easiest thing to do but it may make them act cordial towards you.
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Super April 2019
Valerie · on November 27, 2018 at 2:08 PM
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One take away I get from this story is that you have this belief that you MIL needs to like you the same way that your MIL likes your fiance's SIL. And this just isn't true at all. If she is cordial to you, that may be all you get. Your MIL didn't pick you, your FH did, so it makes sense that she may like or have more similar interests with another daughter in law than you. I don't think she should be rude to you, but if you are feeling left out simply because you don't have the same relationship that the other two have... that is on you.
I have two cousins. Cousin's A's wife and I are practically best friends at this point. Cousin's B's wife is someone who I would never voluntarily hang out with. I treat cousin B's wife cordially, but if both of them are around, it is obvious that they are treated differently because I have different relationships with them. There is nothing wrong with this.
I don't think she should have yelled, but I also think you have an unreasonable relationship expectation that you and your MIL should have a close relationship just because she is your MIL.
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