Need Advice: Giving Away the Bride issues...

I think you should do what feels right. And if that means walking yourself down then do that. This is not the time to people please.

I am getting married for the second time, 3 months before my 40th birthday. I don't need to be given away. My dad wasn't present at my first wedding but he will be this time. I asked him to escort me down the aisle because that's what I want, not to be given away, but to walk with my dad.

Think about what you really want, there is not a right or wrong answer but whatever feels right to you is what you need to do.

I was always positive I would walk myself down the aisle. I have an amazing dad, but I have such negative feelings about being "given away. ". What I ultimately decided was to have my dad walk me most of the way and then hug me and take his seat. I'll take the last few steps alone. It's silly, but those last few steps make me feel comfortable with it. I think you have to do whatever makes you feel happy though.

Following. I'm in a very similar boat, by the sounds of it.

The whole "giving away" thing really bothered me too, but I knew my Dad was really looking forward to walking me down the aisle. To make it more comfortable for me, I removed any "who gives this woman" language. He walked me to the end of the aisle, gave me a hug, was supposed to shake DH's hand (DH forgot haha), and then took his seat.

Both my parents walked with me.

I also don't like the tradition. But, it means more to my dad to "give me away" than it means to me to not be given away. I put my foot down on some things - for example, my FH did not ask my dad permission to propose. But I don't want my dad to feel like he has been stripped of all "dad things," especially in front of his traditional family and friends. I will not regret putting down my feminist flag for 2 minutes to make my dad happy.

Ultimately, do what you think is right, the one you will regret the least.

ETA: What Dreamer said. I forgot to mention that my mom will also walk with me.

I think Rachel's idea is a really good one. Plus, that knocks out any opportunity for "who gives this woman..." Having your FH meet you at that point would be really lovely.

As much as would probably prefer to walk myself or do something symbolic with FH, I don't want to hurt my dad. He has a rough exterior, but he is still sensitive...

Kind of sounds like maybe I would regret more taking that away from him.

Bleh. Lol but I definitely like Rachel's idea combined with meeting FH halfway. Might be something to consider.

Also, I love how quick it is to get clear answers from you ladies! I know you all would be able to steer me in more of a direction.

I always thought I would be dead set against it, but with my dad currently in the middle of chemo I'm hoping he feels well enough to walk with me. I also want my mom to come too, but she may just have my dad do it. I just know how rough the chemo has been for him so he might not be strong enough to walk. :-(

I think you should do what is good for you, but I wouldn't want to look back and regret him NOT walking me, if that makes sense. I will not be having the giving away language in my ceremony at all, but my family is important to me and I want that moment.

I pretty much never have the 'giving away" part. The bride gets down the aisle with whomever she chooses (or by herself), the groom or other bride comes to meet her about 10 feet from the altar space, and in the ceremony script I MIGHT ask each set of parents if they support their child on the day and welcome the other partner into the family. So it's not so much a 'giving' than a 'supporting' and I usually include both families.

It gives the parents that moment, but it doesn't feel so archaic.

I plan on walking by myself because I don't like the idea on being "given away". I love my dad and plan to include him with the father daughter dance.

Do you think that, if you hurt his feelings, he'll stay hurt for a long while? Maybe the rest of wedding planning will help him get over it and become excited about everything else.

I was going to suggest walking halfway with your dad, and then meet your FH there and walk together the other half. The Swedish princesses did that. Apparently it created a lot of controversy for Victoria's wedding, because the Swedish thought it went against the equality of men and women:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wedding_of_Victoria,_Crown_Princess_of_Sweden,_and_Daniel_Westling#Debate_about_handing_over_the_bride

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wedding_of_Princess_Madeleine_and_Christopher_O%27Neill#Ceremony

I walked alone. I do not regret that. I told my dad that I didn't like the symbolism of "giving me away" as I'm an independent woman and have been living with DH for 2 years before marriage. He understood. There was a lot more too it (especially regarding our relationship), but I only brought up why I don't like the tradition and wanted to walk myself down the aisle.

I still had a father/daughter dance.

Both of my parents are walking me down the aisle. There will be no "giving away" language though.

Oh, Kiwi. *hugs* girlie. I think you should choose what feels right. No one knows what that is except you. But know that really, any decision is appropriate. You can walk alone. You can walk with your dad. You can walk with your dad halfway and then walk alone the rest of the way. You can walk halfway and have FH meet you halfway to walk you the rest of the way. You really can do anything you want.

From you post, it seems like you are struggling with taking it away from your dad. If it were me, I would probably have dad walk me down halfway, give me a hug/kiss and then I would walk the rest of the way as an independent woman towards my man. I wouldn't do any "handing off" at all because it doesn't seem like you are comfortable giving your dad that job.

But again, you can seriously do anything! You shouldn't feel guilty at all. Even if your dad is sensitive, he will get over it. Do what feels right.

Or, you can bypass that completely and fly to the aisle on a jet pack. Really, the possibilities are endless

*hugs* again. Because I can just feel the emotions in this post. Decisions sucks!

Thank you so much everyone for the advice and giving me insight through your decisions. It helps so much to have other perspectives on how each of you came to your decision. And it's also nice I'm not the only one.

ETA: I do plan to have a father/daughter dance, even though he has two left feet lol.

VC - I hate to say it, but he probably would take a while to get over it. That was why I ended up reconsidering. He would likely not say anything, but he can be a bit sensitive about stuff like that. Also, OMG thank you for the information about the Swedish princesses. I had no idea! That is really awesome to know.

Celia - I love that you ask if the families support the couple. That is a lot more gentle and would make things more special. I am curious to see what his dad (who is a pastor and is officiating the wedding) did for his older brother's wedding. We haven't had the conversation yet to see how flexible he will be!

And, Jen, you are the sweetest! I feel like you know me so well without actually knowing me in person. Haha. *hugs* I am definitely thinking I should take the "high" road and go with the jet pack! Or a hover board. Either way

WolfWedding - I am so sorry to hear that about your dad. I think about that sort of thing more and more with my parents. You and your father are in my prayers.

My solution to this problem is for FH and myself to walk down the aisle with both of our parents.